Erika Girardi Talks Beginning a 'New Chapter' on “RHOBH”: 'I'm Not a Cornered Animal Anymore' (Exclusive)

"I really want to move on, rebuild and put the past behind me," the Bravo star tells PEOPLE

Erika Girardi may have begun season 13 of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on "an island" among her costars, but she tells PEOPLE that the isolation was a chance to start fresh.

"It's a new chapter for me," the singer and actress says, ahead of Wednesday night's premiere. "I'm in a different head space. So, I just wasn't walking in there ready to have a whole lot of conflict. It's just not where I'm at. I really want to move on, rebuild and put the past behind me."

That past she's referring to involves much of the drama surrounding her estranged husband Tom Girardi, the disgraced and disbarred lawyer who was indicted on fraud charges for allegedly stealing from the victims' families of a 2018 plane crash.

Allegations rose against Tom as Erika filed for divorce from him in November 2020 after 21 years of marriage. And while she's maintained she was unaware of Tom's alleged criminal actions, her costars were quick to question her involvement as criminal and civil suits were filed, the latter of which some named Erika as well.

She's since been cleared in a few of those cases, though other civil battles continue. But still, for the second year in a row last season, Erika was back in the hot seat as her costars grilled her about her level of sympathy for the alleged victims in the case. And her defensive reaction to their probes only drew further criticisms of her supposed icy demeanor.

Related: Erika Girardi Mourns Death of Her 12-Year-Old Dog Tiago: 'The Best Friend a Girl Could Have' (Exclusive)

Looking back at it, Erika tells PEOPLE that while some disagreed with how she handled it, her back was up against a wall.

"It's so funny when people say, 'Erika, you're so icy cold, you're so removed,' when in reality, I'm one of the most sensitive people," she says. "How about this — if I was given a chance to stop defending myself, then I would be able to actually show people who Erica really is. It would have be nice if it worked out that way, but there wasn't that. I started out trying to tell my story in a quiet, civilized way but I was not heard, and was continuously pressured and pressured until I started yelling."

"Maybe sometimes I didn't address it in the best way, but I did it the only way I knew how," Erika continues. "There's no manual for this. No one that says, 'Oh, honey, let me walk you through this.' So I was out there saying, '"I need to show up for myself and who I am and what I'm doing with this life.' That's really what it was all about. They just didn't understand that."

"I am not a cornered animal anymore, and that is something that people don't understand," she adds. "When you are attacked all day, every day, from every angle — and you are literally fighting for your financial life, your legal life, all of these sort of things — you can't think of anything other than, 'My God, how am I going to survive this?' Once you get a break and a breath of fresh air, you're able to see clearer."

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Clarity has been beneficial for Erika, who notes she didn't watch the past two seasons. "It was so painful," she says. "I lived it, and it's almost like cutting open an healing wound and stabbing around into it. It's not good."

With space, Erika's dove into therapy, which she says has helped her progress past her pain. "You'll see me in therapy this season," she says. "I have really good psychiatrists and it's really been a game-changer for me. I think I've just really learned to accept that certain things are built into the game of life or my game of life. These things are happening. If you can accept them, then you can prepare and go forward."

But not everyone is open to the new Erika. "Look, Nov. 3 will be three years since I filed for divorce and I have to move on. But people also have to let me move on," she shares. "For me, I do not want to be defined by a divorce and allegations. I fought very hard to be myself, and still have something for myself, and to pick up and go forward. And that's what I'll always do. But I can't control whether people like that or not."

"This season, I got to reconnect more so with some older friends and attempt to forge new friendships," says Erika. "However they take that, that's on them — and we'll see how it ends up for me when we watch. But at the end of the day, I just have to be happy with myself, and that's what I'm working on."

The singer — who has had nine No. 1 hits on Billboard's Dance Club Songs chart under her on-stage moniker, Erika Janye — has also dove into work, launching a wildly successful (and provocative) Vegas show called Bet It All on Blonde, which runs select weekends at the House of Blues inside Mandalay Bay through Dec. 16.

Related: Erika Girardi Has Strong Words Regarding Divorce, Sees Vegas Residency as a ‘Rebirth’ (Exclusive)

"It's been amazing," she tells PEOPLE of the residency. "I love it and am so grateful for the experience, I really am. It's been a rebirth in a lot of ways and a chance to introduce a newer version of myself as I really launch into this next chapter."

"You know, life has that great way of showing you some things," Erika reflects. "I could have never predicted the path I've been on when I joined the show all those years ago. The good things, the bad things — the universe, it's just kind of bizarre. But I'm here for the ride."

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET on Bravo.

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