Erika Girardi Admits Path to Financial Independence Was 'Frightening' and 'Soul-Crushing' After She Left Tom

"How am I ever going to get above water?" Erika says of her post-divorce financial situation in Wednesday's episode of 'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'

Erika Girardi is opening up about the difficult process of getting back on her feet following her divorce from Tom Girardi.

In Wednesday's episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the reality star admitted that her path to financial freedom was "frightening" after she left her husband of 21 years. The topic came up during dinner with castmates Garcelle Beauvais, Dorit Kemsley and Kyle Richards.

Dorit, 47, asked the women if any of them have reached a point where money would not make their lives happier. Erika, 52, quickly replied no, explaining that she would need to be in a position where she no longer had to worry about paying bills.

She told her friends she was experiencing a lot of financial anxiety, especially since she had to gain financial autonomy post-split. "It is frightening to be out there on your own — no backup, no safety plan, no net," she said.

"[It's] soul-crushing," Erika added. "How am I ever going to get above water?"

Related: Erika Girardi Says She Has No Plans to Change Her Last Name: ‘I Definitely Thought About It’

Erika filed for divorce from Tom, 84, in November 2020. Shortly after, the Girardi & Keese law firm founder became embroiled in several legal controversies, including lawsuits brought against him for allegedly embezzling settlement funds meant to help the families of victims of Lion Air Flight 610. (In February, he was indicted on fraud charges related to the 2018 plane crash.)

Tom was also sued by his business partners, resulting in a chapter 7 bankruptcy petition in December 2020. During the bankruptcy proceedings, Erika's lavish spending was laid bare in legal documents submitted by the trustee overseeing the case involving Tom's law firm. The trustee claimed in the documents that Erika's expensive lifestyle was being funded by the law firm — with her full knowledge.

"Erika has direct knowledge that for at least 12 years, all of her expenses were being paid by [Girardi's firm] as she was generating them. Moreover, Erika has repeatedly contended, 'It is expensive to be me,'" the documents stated. "The glam cannot be supported by a sham."

Related: Erika Girardi Has Strong Words Regarding Divorce, Sees Vegas Residency as a ‘Rebirth’ (Exclusive)

The filings detailed some of Erika's alleged expenses, including more than $14 million in American Express charges, as well as payments for travel, clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry and her glam squad.

Amid the former couple's ongoing financial issues, Erika moved out of the Pasadena mansion she and Tom shared throughout their marriage, and the property was later put up for sale. Erika settled into a much smaller three-bedroom, two-bathroom home as she embarked on her newly single life.

A source told PEOPLE at the time that Erika was excited about the fresh start in her own space. "Erika has been living in the house for a while. She's made it her own space and loves it," the insider said. "She's doing well and is happy."

Related: Erika Girardi Talks Beginning a 'New Chapter' on RHOBH: 'I'm Not a Cornered Animal Anymore' (Exclusive)

At the premiere of her Bet It All on Blonde Las Vegas residency in August, Erika seemingly addressed her divorce as she spoke to the audience.

"It’s a new life, it’s a new day. And not only am I keeping the door open, but you should too," she said.

Talking to PEOPLE that same night, she addressed her candid comment to the crowd: “Well, you have to acknowledge what is happening. It is happening."

She continued, "It has been a process and we've seen that play out on reality TV. It was playing out in the courts this week as I was preparing for this show. So you can escape for a while, but it is about moving on and keeping your head up.”

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET on Bravo.

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