Ellyn Winters Feels 'Powerful' Without Breast Implants After Double Mastectomy: 'I'm Not Hiding'
Hilary Gauld, One for the Wall Photography
At the beginning of the year, Ellyn Winters was sitting in her bathtub when she felt a lump on her breast. Two months later, she became the one of every eight women who is diagnosed with breast cancer.
As someone who dubs herself "the healthy girl," the 57-year-old from Ontario tells PEOPLE that her first reaction to the diagnosis in March was simply a "blind panic."
"I had my mammogram at 1 and by 4 o'clock in the afternoon, my doctor's office was calling," she recalls. "I literally couldn't get off the floor, I couldn't breathe. I felt like somebody had punched me in the stomach and sucked all the air out of my lungs all at the same time."
Winters was ultimately told that she would need a single mastectomy, noting that in Ontario, the surgical guidance is to leave the unaffected breast alone. However, she requested a double mastectomy instead, telling doctors that she "couldn't picture myself going forward with a single breast."
"He didn't fight me on it at all, he was great," Winters says of her doctor. "Some surgeons will fight you on that, like there's a surgeon in town that flat out refused to take the second breast."
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With the double mastectomy, Winters opted for a less common form of reconstructive surgery, an aesthetic flat closure (AFC). During this procedure, extra skin, fat, and other tissue in the breast area are removed and the remaining tissue is tightened and smoothed out so that the chest wall appears flat, according to the National Cancer Institute.
Immediately after scheduling her double mastectomy and AFC, Winters tried to Google to find tips on how to dress herself after the procedure but was quickly disappointed by the results.
"A lot of medical sites in the U.S. and Canada were like, 'Put scarves around your neck, wear busy patterns and hide.' Hide the fact that you don't have boobs anymore," Winters explains. "It just drove me crazy."
"As a society, why are we fixating so much on the breast when the model ideal on any high fashion site is almost as flat as I am?" she says. "They're a fashion ideal yet these women who've had mastectomies, who've gone through f—ing hell and have made sort of the ultimate sacrifice to live, we're supposed to like, go sit in a corner somewhere and be ashamed."
Hilary Gauld, One for the Wall Photography
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But Winters says she was "bound and determined" to be the complete opposite, assuring that her double mastectomy wasn't going to get her down. Since having the procedure on May 31, she boasts how much her confidence has actually skyrocketed.
"I'm not throwing any of my clothes out. I'm not hiding, I'm not buying anything different. And I want other women to feel empowered themselves," Winters says.
"I didn't even recognize the woman who I was. I feel like I've been bitten by a radioactive spider and I've got superpowers all of a sudden," she says. "I'm like, who is this woman that's strutting around in her underwear and taking her top off?! In some ways, this has made me feel very powerful. Like, instead of the shame thing, I'm actually feeling really powerful."
On the other hand, Winters says it's been heartbreaking hearing women who do have stories of shame and those who "don't feel worthy" after having mastectomies.
While she understands that "going flat" isn't for everyone and respects those who opt for implants, she says it bothers her that AFC is not well known among breast cancer patients. She's hoping that women can be given all options and feel empowered with their choice.
Although she praises her surgeon for his work, Winters tells PEOPLE that her only criticism is that AFC wasn't an option that he proposed. She had to mention the type of breast reconstruction herself, thanks to a friend who told her about it.
"When I first talked to the surgeon, there were a couple of different options. But the first thing he said to me was, 'You'd look spectacular with implants,'" she recalls.
"I think doctors are a little in love with putting Barbie back together again," Winters continues. "And the medical community doesn't see AFC as being a reconstruction. And so I think we need to start thinking about going flat, and the form of flat that I have, as being a completely valid viable reconstruction option."
"I'm not encouraging anybody to go flat, necessarily. That's my decision. But whether you've had a lumpectomy or not, you shouldn't be ashamed."
