Ellie Goulding Reprioritized Career to Be with Son Arthur: He 'Zaps' My Anxiety Away (Exclusive)
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"I've had no choice but to put myself and being a mother first, and then everything else I will do to the best of my ability," Goulding tells PEOPLE
Ellie Goulding is ready to dance again.
Months after her deeply personal last album Brightest Blue came out amid the pandemic, the British singer-songwriter became pregnant in summer 2020 and found herself isolated in lockdown. The unideal circumstances sparked a penchant for Goulding to create music that's simply fun and energetic, resulting in her new record Higher Than Heaven, out now.
"I'm getting back to feeling myself again," she tells PEOPLE over tea in New York City. "I'm in the best possible place that I could be to release new music — minus the anxiety. That's something I'm still always struggling with."
The Grammy nominee has long been open about her anxiety, which manifests in "scary" physical reactions like headaches, dizziness and heart palpitations. "It makes me feel really unsafe," she says. Since welcoming her son Arthur, 2 this month, with husband Caspar Jopling in April 2021, she's experienced new ups and downs with mental health.
"At times it was debilitating... Being around Arthur automatically zaps [my anxiety] away, and I feel like it's my body trying to mess with me because it's saying, 'We want you to be with Arthur all the time,' biologically," explains Goulding, who's felt anxious pulling herself away from work as a new mom. "I've had no choice but to put myself and being a mother first, and then everything else I will do to the best of my ability."
Having the support of Jopling, 31, however, has helped her in low moments. "He's way more rational and pragmatic than me," she says of her husband. "I delve constantly in the past and worry about the future. It makes for good songwriting, but it doesn't make for good mental health."
As Goulding prepared to become a mother following the release of Brightest Blue, which featured vulnerable lyrics about romance and 21st-century womanhood, she wanted to take the pressure off her next venture. "I got pregnant, and I was like, 'Right now I just want to do a dance record,'" she says of the inspiration for Higher Than Heaven.
Related:New Mom Ellie Goulding Shares First Look at Baby Arthur Nearly 5 Weeks After Birth
The new album focuses on various aspects of love and relationships on songs like "Easy Lover," "Cure for Love" and "Love Goes On," but she admits that none of it was inspired by Jopling or Arthur. Rather than exploring her own life for writing material, she merely set out to make enjoyable songs.
"It's much more of a pop venture than a personal venture of deeper feelings and poetry," she says of the creative process. "It just felt like being a kid again. I could do what I wanted. I wasn't overthinking the lyrics. It's so nice to do music that doesn't feel like it has to be overly interpreted and analyzed. It was just a bunch of great songs."
It's understandable that Goulding wanted to craft an escapist album of pure joy for listeners. Now that she's a mother, she has much more to do during the day than dig deep for inspiration. "I'm now, at the moment, deliberating between whether I send [Arthur] to a farm nursery or a city nursery," she says. "It's a London nursery with all kinds of kids or a farm with some country kids learning about animals and nature, which is obviously my passion, so I'm really torn."
The musician grew up and attended school in the countryside of Hereford, where she performed at open mic nights and often had her talents overlooked, as most people didn't aspire to be successful musicians.
"When I got to university, there was so much more diversity. I remember playing for the first time to people, and I looked around the room, and everyone had their mouths open," she recalls. "I'll never forget that because I've never experienced that before, and so it just made me appreciate suddenly being in a world where people understand you."
Related:Ellie Goulding Says Rumors She Cheated on Ed Sheeran with Niall Horan Caused Her a 'Lot of Trauma'
Now that she's planning a life for her child, Goulding wants to make sure he ends up in the right place to pursue whatever path he's drawn to. "He's a pretty independent kid, and he's super sweet," she says, noting that he's already shown signs of potentially following in his mother's footsteps. "He tends to definitely gravitate more towards music than anything. He loves his musical instruments."
Before Arthur enters pre-school, however, he'll join his mom on her upcoming world tour. Not only is she looking forward to bringing Higher Than Heaven to life on stage, but it's her first time hitting the road with a child in tow, and she's excited.
"I think he'll love it. He goes with the flow. He travels really well. He's getting some little ear defenders, and then I think he'll be good to go," says Goulding, who's hoping he can stay awake long enough to catch one of her sets. "I'd love for him to see me sing at some point."
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