“The addiction and the co-dependency… like my addiction to Ashton — that was probably almost more devastating because it took me seriously away emotionally,” Moore, 56, said on Monday’s Red Table Talk on Facebook Watch.
Sitting down with hosts Jada Pinkett Smith, Willow Smith and Adrienne Banfield-Norris, the actress and two of her three daughters: Rumer and Tallulah Willis, spoke about her spiral into addiction after almost 20 years of sobriety.
Tallulah, 25, spoke about the repercussions her mother’s addiction had on her after her older sisters, Rumer, 31, and Scout, 28, moved out.
“Watching the behavior with Ashton, those years, because everyone had left the house and it was just me living there. I felt very forgotten and I feel like I developed and nurtured a narrative where she didn’t love me and I truly believed it,” Tallulah said. “I know that she does, 100 percent but in that moment you’re hurt.”
Tallulah was 9 years old when Moore relapsed. Moore described the moment she fell back into addictive habits while on a trip with Kutcher, 41. The two were married for eight years before they divorced in 2013.
“Ashton said, ‘I don’t know if alcoholism’s a thing. I think it’s about moderation,'” Moore recalled. “If I had stayed close to working my program… I, of course, lived the majority of my adult life sober. I was great sober.”
When Willow asked what she thought made her quit sobriety, Moore said, “I wanted to be that girl.”
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“I made my own story up, that he wanted somebody that he could have wine with that he could do stuff [with]. He’s not the cause of why I opened that door up,” she continued. “I wanted to be something other than who I am. And I gave my power away.”
In her memoir Inside Out, Moore wrote she “went into contortions to try to fit the mold of the woman he wanted his wife to be.”
When Kutcher moved out of their home after Moore said he admitted to cheating on her, the actress said she coped with the pain by abusing substances like Vicodin and alcohol.
Her three daughters stopped speaking to her and her former husband and friend, Bruce Willis, pulled away as well.
Isolated and in anguish, she weighed just 102 lbs. Then in 2012, the star was rushed to the hospital after smoking synthetic marijuana and inhaling nitrous oxide at a party.
“I guess the fundamental question that came forward for me was, ‘How did I get here?'” Moore told Good Morning America in September, reflecting back on it all. “From where I started to what I’ve experienced, where I’ve been, how did I get here?”
Inside Out is now available for purchase. Red Table Talk airs Mondays on Facebook Watch.