The actress, 56, appeared on the Facebook Watch show Red Table Talk on Monday to speak about her struggles with addiction and her marriage to the actor, 41. The two were married in 2005 before their divorce in 2013.
“I opened that door to drinking after almost 20 years,” Moore told hosts Jada Pinkett Smith, Willow Smith and Adrienne Banfield-Norris. “I ended up pregnant and then I lost the baby at almost six months. When I couldn’t get pregnant again, the guilt that I felt that is was clearly my fault was just enormous.”
The actress, who was joined by daughters Tallulah and Rumer Willis, has previously said she lost a baby girl she would have named Chaplin Ray. Moore said she and Kutcher took a trip together following her miscarriage and that they allegedly had a conversation about alcoholism during dinner.
“Ashton said, ‘I don’t know if alcoholism’s a thing. I think it’s about moderation,'” Moore claimed. “If I had stayed close to working my program… I, of course, lived the majority of my adult life sober. I was great sober.”
A rep for Kutcher did not immediately respond to PEOPLE’s request for comment.
When Willow asked what she thought made her quit sobriety, Moore said, “I wanted to be that girl.”
“I made my own story up, that he wanted somebody that he could have wine with that he could do stuff [with]. He’s not the cause of why I opened that door up,” she continued. “I wanted to be something other than who I am. And I gave my power away.”
“Ashton has never spoken about her. He hasn’t talked about her since the divorce, and he never will,” the source said. “He respects that she’s a mother with a family.”
Moore wrote in detail about the moment in her book, writing, “One night we put some clothes on and went out to dinner. Ashton was enjoying a glass of good red wine when he said, ‘I don’t know if alcoholism is a real thing. I think it’s all about moderation.'”
“I wanted to be that girl. The girl who could have a glass of wine at dinner, or do a tequila shot at a party,” Moore wrote. “In my mind, Ashton wanted that too. So I tried to become that: a fun, normal girl.”
She continued, “I didn’t think, ‘This is a kid in his 20s who has no idea what he’s talking about.’ I didn’t think, ‘I have nearly two decades of sobriety under my belt, and that’s a huge accomplishment.'”
Her thoughts led her to instead “cast about for justifications for his argument.”
“‘Plenty of people party too much in their youth and then develop a perfectly healthy relationship with alcohol,’ I told myself,” Moore wrote. “Back in our room, I took a beer from the minibar.”
Inside Out is now available for purchase. Red Table Talk airs Mondays on Facebook Watch.