Delaware bar owner responds to backlash, plans LGBTQ night after doorman's anti-gay slur

Two weeks after a doorman at Oddity Bar hurled an anti-gay slur at a customer, the Wilmington bar and music venue will host an LGBTQ night Friday.

Owner Napoleon Hernandez says the event will reaffirm the venue's commitment to inclusivity and open a dialogue with the community on how Oddity Bar can improve. He hopes those "on the fence" will come to make their own judgments.

"We're kind of directly saying that this night is for the LGBTQ community, but every night is open for everyone to be there," Hernandez said.

PREVIOUS REPORTING: Some bands and bargoers boycott Delaware bar after owner witnesses doorman's anti-gay slur

Oddity Bar has received fervent backlash after a doorman used an anti-gay slur in an argument with customers during a concert by Delaware metal acts ABYDOS, Bastion's Wake and Candlewax. A short video clip from the June 23 show posted on Facebook by ABYDOS bassist Zach Schroeder shows an argument ongoing about moshing. ABYDOS had stopped performing.

"Then don't invite metal bands to play," one man is heard saying before the doorman says, "F----t."

A woman immediately responds, "Whoa. You can't use that slur. Hold on, hold on. Using that slur is not OK."

Hernandez, who has owned Oddity Bar for the past year with his brother Manny, was nearby as the doorman said the slur. Members of the bands and patrons have criticized Hernandez for a lack of an immediate response.

"[Hernandez] seemed very indifferent towards everything and was not apologetic at all. He just kind of took the doorman's side the whole time," Candlewax bassist and vocalist Josh Deckman said. "I literally told him, 'Look at me: I have nail polish on and I'm flamboyant. As a member of the [queer] community, what am I supposed to think? That I'm not welcome here.' They were dismissive of that."

Hernandez said he did not hear the slur, but quickly found out about it as he tried to settle the crowd. He said his focus was on diffusing the situation to avoid any physical confrontations. He pulled the doorman to the side and planned to talk to him later one-on-one.

"Everyone was already amped up," Hernandez said. "I was just trying to get everyone to separate. Once I got him to stay in the corner, I was talking with some of the band members. They were explaining to me it was hurtful towards them and I completely understood. It was just more, for me, the initial thing I wanted to handle was to make sure nobody would get hurt and no fight was going to break out.

"I was definitely going to address the door guy on a personal level ... give him that education."

Hernandez said the doorman was not an employee of Oddity Bar. Bands performing at Oddity Bar since he took over are required to provide their own doorman to collect the night's cover charge. That way Hernandez doesn't have to handle the money going to the bands, he said. If bands want to split their stage time with other groups they can work out their own financial arrangements.

When the bands arrived without a doorman, Hernandez said he suggested the bands work the door themselves, rotating as the others performed, but the bands instead asked a regular patron who had been sitting at the bar. The man had tended the door for them once before, Hernandez said.

Members of Bastion's Wake and Candlewax denied they chose that doorman and said the man at the door was a patron chosen by the venue. "And even if we did, I would’ve expected them to be removed by the bar after those comments were made," said Bastion's Wake guitarist Ray Hunter III.

The doorman won't be allowed to return, Hernandez said.

The incident began when a few fans were dancing and pushing each other while ABYDOS was performing a song by heavy metal act System of a Down. Hernandez said the doorman pointed out to him a woman who was acting "too extra," by pushing people who were sitting down outside the mosh pit.

After the doorman approached the woman, placing his hands on her shoulder, according to a witness, a friend of hers stepped in and confronted the doorman. By this point, the band had stopped playing.

The doorman ordered them to leave the bar. After they paid their tabs, the doorman said the slur as they were walking out, the friend said.

"If there is something that is said, immediately address that person, maybe there on the spot," Hernandez said when asked what he would do if a similar situation unfolds in the future. "It's not necessarily my go-to approach, but because of this backlash and how everyone is perceiving my actions in this. Obviously, we're always learning, so I can take that feedback back and say, 'All right, if I see this, I'll maybe treat it a little bit differently.'"

ABYDOS and Candlewax have said they will not perform at Oddity Bar again and while Bastion's Wake has not had a group discussion about it yet, they currently have no plans to play there, said band bassist Hunter. Other local acts not on the bill that night have also decided against performing at Oddity Bar in the future.

Hernandez said Oddity Bar was already planning to have an LGBTQ event in the future. Friends of his in the community suggested he push it up in response to the backlash. It will be their first specifically-labeled LBGTQ night.

"Everything that's been said to me personally, said about me — I hope that everyone can actually be as inclusive as everyone wants me to be," Hernandez said. "We're about diversity and I hope that everyone understands that we're going to continue doing what we're doing."

Contact Brandon Holveck at bholveck@delawareonline.com. Follow him on Twitter @holveck_brandon.

This article originally appeared on Delaware News Journal: Delaware's Oddity Bar hosts LGBTQ night after doorman used anti-gay slur