Dear god, no, Morbius 2 has not been greenlit

·2 min read
That’s our Morbius!
That’s our Morbius!

Today, in “Do you want a Morbius 2? Because that’s how you get a Morbius 2" news: For the love of god, no, Sony has not already green-lit a Morbius 2.

We feel, honestly, like we shouldn’t even have to say that! The vaguely Spider-Man adjacent Sony film was a) a critical flop, and b), in superhero movie terms, made no money. ($163 million, planetwide, which would be considered a pretty soft opening weekend for a big Marvel film.) But then, this is life on the internet, where no movie about a living vampire played by Jared Leto can be so delayed, or so aggressively mediocre, that people won’t adopt it as a new flag to wave in support of Irony Culture. Morbius is Shrek now. That’s the world in which we live.

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(And, yes, we acknowledge that there are, probably, somewhere, people on this planet who genuinely enjoyed Morbius, who were excited at its hinting at a wider cinematic universe focused on all the Spider-Man characters Sony has the rights to who are not Spider-Man, and who are eagerly awaiting Morbius 2: Mo’ Rbius, Mo’ Problems. There’s nothing surprising about this; perverts have existed in human society since the dawn of time.)

The outpouring of “support” for a second outing by Michael Morbius, Terrible Doctor, reached a new inflection point this week, as people online began circulating a fake image of a CNN page, claiming, absurdly, that a sequel has been greenlit for “Paramount+ and Disney+ streaming services.” Said post appears to have genuinely convinced some people the movie’s being made. (Or they’re pretending to be convinced; Morbius 2 conversation gets very postmodern very fast.)  Meanwhile, the aggressively non-word “Morbin’” has periodically trended on social media in recent weeks—because people keep claiming that Morbius 2 will feature our man Mike declaring “It’s Morbin’ time.” (He will not. He must not.)

And, look: Does us writing this article, talking about this “movement,” probably just increase the counter on whatever spreadsheet Sony is running to keep track of when our society’s faux Morbius 2 obsession reaches formally profitable levels? Probably! Morbius 2 is a problem with many root causes. But at least we can reassure you that it doesn’t exist yet. We still have time to turn away from the self-destructive course we’re on.