David Lee Roth: “Sammy Hagar Was Abducted by Aliens and He Was Sex Probed”
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The post David Lee Roth: “Sammy Hagar Was Abducted by Aliens and He Was Sex Probed” appeared first on Consequence.
The long-running feud between Van Halen frontmen continues on with David Lee Roth now declaring that “Sammy Hagar was abducted by aliens and he was sex probed.”
Diamond Dave delivered the verbal assault on the Red Rocker in a new video dubbed “The Ballad of Popsicle Sam,” in which we hear DLR’s voice over a 25-minute slideshow of new black & white photos of himself.
To backtrack, Hagar claimed in 2011 that he was once abducted by aliens, telling MTV at the time, “Aliens were plugged into me. It was a download situation. This was long before computers or any kind of wireless. There weren’t even wireless telephones. Looking back now, it was like, ‘Fuck, they downloaded something into me!’ Or they uploaded something from my brain, like an experiment. ‘See what this guy knows.’”
Now, 13 years later, DLR is poking fun at Hagar’s claims, perhaps upset at some recent comments made by the Red Rocker regarding Roth’s vocal abilities. In an early 2023 interview, Hagar stated, “[Roth] sang so bad last time he was doing shows, it was embarrassing.”
More recently, Hagar extended an invite to DLR to join him onstage during his upcoming summer tour, but quickly walked it back for the most part. “He can come out and sing a song on a show or two if he can remember the words,” clarified Hagar. “He’s not invited on the tour. NOOOO F***king way. [The invitation] was to sing a song with us somewhere … I know better than to have him on tour again. Been there done that.”
In the new video, Roth says, “According to Sam, he was abducted by aliens. I know when you’re abducted by aliens, you get sex probed. I am compelled to solicit this sordid subject in an effort to explain Sam Hagar’s conduct. For the last 10 summers, I haven’t said a single syllable about him. Not one. I defy you. And in the face of a constant fart gas aimed in our direction here at the Mojo Dojo Diamond Dave Laboratories. And I think we’ve arrived at both the technical and the medical answer that may explain some of Sammy Hagar’s conduct and his constant spew of diarrhea vitriol in our direction. Sammy Hagar was abducted by aliens and he was sex probed. Sex probed.”
He continues, “Does [sex probing] require apparatus? Is it a beam? We don’t know. We may never know. But what I do know with absolute accuracy is that if you take a half of a popsicle and you jam it into a cassette tape player, no matter how carefully you extract it, that tape player will never play the same again, no matter how carefully you try and fix those delicate little parts. And it’ll get worse and it’ll seem like the singer that you used to [be] will stop making sense whatsoever. A lot like Sam.”
The chances of DLR joining Hagar onstage during the latter’s summer tour seems less and less likely, but the outing still features the Red Rocker performing a bevy of Van Halen tunes with an all-star backing band of Joe Satriani, Michael Anthony, and Jason Bonham. “The Best of All Worlds Tour” kicks off July 13th in West Palm Beach, Florida, and wraps up August 31st in St. Louis, with tickets available here.
Check out David Lee Roth’s rant about Sammy Hagar in the YouTube video below.
David Lee Roth: “Sammy Hagar Was Abducted by Aliens and He Was Sex Probed”
Spencer Kaufman
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