Cynthia Erivo Speaks On The ‘Risk’ And ‘Privilege’ Of Speaking Publicly About Her Queerness

Cynthia Erivo is opening up about how “claiming [her] queerness in public” has set her on a new path in her career. According to People, the Wicked star spoke about her identity during her speech at the Los Angeles LGBT Center Gala on May 18 as she accepted the Rand Schrader Award.

“Claiming my queerness in public, and particularly in the public eye, has meant taking a risk in order to claim my freedom,” Erivo told the crowd.

She continued, explaining that “although I have had the greatest privilege of playing some of the most indomitable women,” including Harriet Tubman and Aretha Franklin, “I’ve found that hiding just a little part of myself meant I wasn’t leaving enough room for these women to thrive easily.”

“You see, when we pour all of ourselves into something or someone, it’s like serving the most nutritious meal,” the singer added. “You cultivate an atmosphere that allows one to live, not just to exist. I wanted to live, and not just exist.”

Los Angeles LGBT Center’s Schrader Award “is named for the trailblazing LA gay rights activist Rand Schrader,” its website notes. Jada Pinkett Smith, who presented Erivo with the award, added that it also “celebrates those of us whose star burns brightly enough so that others may dare to shine.”

During her speech, Erivo said it is “a privilege to be on this stage tonight because for so long I lived in deep admiration of anyone who could fully embody their true, authentic self, wear their queerness like a feather boa and proudly say, ‘This is a beautiful part of who I am.'”

“I used to say that it felt like I was looking at my own community from inside a glass box,” the actor shared. “They were vibrant and beautiful, falling in love. And I had my nose pressed up against the glass, looking out at all of you, separate and apart.”

It was when she decided to challenge that box that her mentality started to shift. But it wasn’t easy.

“It took time for me to outgrow my box, but time is a gift that gives us space to see ourselves clearly enough to know that denying a part of oneself is a disservice to the whole being,” she said. “And now, the glass is shattered and there is no glass in sight. And I have walked out into the wide-open spaces, into the arms of you all, and it feels like home.”

Erivo also reflected on her Wicked casting as well as its meaning and impact.

“I see it as no coincidence that the universe urged a director named John M. Chu to take on the mammoth task that is Wicked and the universe saw fit to lead me to him and play a character like darling, green Elphaba,” she said.

She added, “As I stand here in front of you, bald-headed, pierced and queer, I can say I know a thing or two about being the other,” she went on. “Elphaba’s story is a cautionary tale of what it sometimes means to have to stand on your individuality, your otherness, even when systems of oppression are set against you.”

Erivo described Wicked, which was adapted from the 1995 novel of the same name by Gregory Maguire, as a “story of how a colorful, powerful, magical woman, despite being disparaged, demonized and discriminated against, becomes the hero.”

“Wicked is the reclamation and the reimagining of all the labels that are used against [Elphaba]. It is the proclamation of her right to exist in all of her power,” the actor added. “If that sounds familiar to you colorful, magical people in this room, it should be.”