Column: Would the Mar-a-Lago Club work as the setting for an episode of 'Hoarders'?

Should former President Donald Trump ever actually find himself in the dock, we have a no-fail defense for him: "But judge, I can't help it. I'm a hoarder. "

To bolster his claim, there's Exhibit A: A passel of peeved Israeli historians who said there was a priceless collection of ancient ceramic lamps stashed at Mar-a-Lago, "probably in a bathroom someplace."

Ooh, burn.

The sacred antiquities were sent to the White House in 2019, on loan for a month-long exhibition, and never returned. By the time Israeli officials arranged for a delegate to retrieve them, COVID-19 had blanketed the globe and shut down travel.

According to the report in the Israeli newspaper Haaretz, it isn’t entirely clear how these objects made their way to Mar-a-Lago, or if Trump even knew they were there.

After all, there were plenty of other boxes leaving the White House.

And we all know that sidebar.

After Haaretz reported on the situation July 18, Trump's media team told the Wall Street Journal that they would address the issue.

Haaretz reported Wednesday that the items had been handed over to the Israeli consulate in Miami.

"They will be returned to Israel after the Antiquities Authority decides on the safest way to transport them. This information has been confirmed by officials from the Antiquities Authority and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs," the paper said.

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On the bandwagon ... Speaking of Trump — and isn't somebody, always? — the former president received the good campaign news that Palm Beach billionaire Isaac "Ike" Perlmutter plans to support his presidential bid.

That's $21 million worth of meaningful.

A spokesman for Perlmutter, whose net worth is estimated at $3.9 billion, told CNBC that the businessman plans a 'meaningful' contribution to Trump's presidential campaign.

No amount was mentioned, but for the 2020 election, Perlmutter and his wife Laurie each donated $10.5 million toward a pro-Trump super PAC.

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Remembering ... So, Tony Bennett. Red Cross Ball, probably mid-late '90s when Betty Scripps was chairwoman. Bennett was the entertainment and was performing a one-hour set of his hits, drawing guests out to the dance floor.

Bennett, however, was having none of that, and signaled to his drummer Clayton Cameron to launch into a drum solo, which drove the dancers back to their seats, but ... only until Bennett started crooning again, and the whole thing was repeated. This went on several times until Bennett left the stage and Chief of Protocol Marion "Joe" Smoak took the mic to announce that Mr. Bennett preferred that guests stay in their seats.

When Bennett returned to the stage, there were a few boos but guests stayed seated and quiet, particularly when it was time to applaud.

We believe the accurate descriptives would be "smattering" and "polite."

It didn't sour Bennett on Palm Beach, however. He returned a few years later to attend the Donald-Melania wedding, where he took the stage during the reception and sang "I Left My Heart At Mar-a-Lago," sung to the tune of ... well, you know.

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Seen ... Spike Lee, Larry David, Livingston Taylor and Ted Danson visiting Jimmy Zisson at his summer "home," the Elba 45 Fountaine Pajot docked in the Vineyard's Menemsha Harbor for the summer ... Tom D'Agostino visiting friends in Nantucket ... Pamela Morgan, Jean Shafiroff, Nicole Miller, Consuelo Vanderbilt, Tracy and Jerry Turco, and Catherine and Bryan Carey at the Water Mill home of Pamela Morgan and Michael Trokelf or a summer soiree ... Fern Mallis, , Elizabeth Stribling,  Barbara Tober, Ramona Singer, Sylvia Hemingway,  and Victor de Souza at the aforementioned Jean Shafiroff's annual Bastille Day luncheon honoring the French Heritage Society at Michael’s in New York ... Martha Stewart, Bergdorf Goodman’s Linda Fargo, Gillian Miniter, Eleanora Kennedy, Celerie Kemble, Elyse Newhouse, Sarah Wetenhall, Liliana Cavendish, Mark Gilbertson, Amy Hoadley, Billy Ceglia and Cece Cord at Nick Mele opening at Bergdorf Goodman.

This article originally appeared on Palm Beach Daily News: Column: Ancient lamps found at Mar-a-Lago returned to Israeli officials