Colbert Jokes DeSantis Won’t Need to Ban History Books ‘Because He Won’t Be in Them’ | Video

On Monday’s “The Late Show,” Stephen Colbert spent plenty of time poking fun at Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, who on Sunday dropped out of the GOP presidential primary race.

Colbert joked that though his political ambitions flopped, there’s a bright side. “At least DeSantis doesn’t have to worry about banning history books anymore, because he won’t be in them.”

Watch the whole monologue above.

Colbert began with this news, and then offered mock-sympathy for DeSantis. “Ron, don’t cry because it’s over. Smile, because you need practice smiling.”

“I don’t understand why Americans didn’t rally behind the guy who declared war on the Magic Kingdom, attack trans kids, denied COVID, kidnapped migrants and flew them to Martha’s Vineyard, and ate pudding with his fingers,” Colbert said.

“Finger pudding of course a delicacy known as,” Colbert said, making a vomiting noise in place of a name.

Colbert then focused on the video DeSantis taped to announce his decision, and took glee at the end, where DeSantis recited a saying he attributed to Winston Churchill: “Churchill once remarked that Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.”

“A stirring quotation,” Colbert interjected after that clip ended. “Just one small problem: Churchill never said that. It’s from an old Budweiser ad.”

This is true, by the way.

“Reminds me what that other famous Churchill quote: Wazzzzzzup,” Colbert joked.

This is one of the most spectacular political crash-and-burns of all time. At least DeSantis doesn’t have to worry about banning history books anymore, because he won’t be in them,” Colbert said.

After this he ran down some of the more pathetic recent moments in the campaign, and then got to the part where DeSantis, who has been ruthless mocked, in very personal terms, by Donald Trump, endorsed Trump.

“Of course, DeSantis was once Trump’s biggest rival for the nomination, which is why Trump went after him from every angle. Alleging he partied and drank with high school girls, suggesting he would face allegations from underage girls or possibly a man. Saying he needed a personality transplant. Accusing his wife of organized voter fraud. And calling him Ron DeSanctimonious, Ron Dishonest, Ron Dis-tablishment, and ‘tiny D,” Colbert said.

Of course, after those kinds of assaults, on your dignity, on your manhood, to your family, things so vicious you could never take back, naturally, when DeSantis dropped out he did what anyone with a shred of self respect would do,” Colbert continued, at which point he played footage of DeSantis endorsing Trump.

“Oh, I get it. ‘Tiny D.’ Because he’s got such a small… amount of dignity,” Colbert added, pinching his fingers together to suggest he was actually talking about DeSantis’ penis.

Watch the whole monologue above now.

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