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There is probably something more productive, healthy or educational to do with your time than scrolling through Chrissy Teigen’s social media feed for her inevitable clapbacks.
But more entertaining? Seriously doubtful.
Every week it seems the former Sports Illustrated swimsuit model turned cookbook author must put commenters in their place who dare say something nasty about her or her children.
She serves up hilarious, heaping doses of shut-the-heck up, speaking for all of us who have ever been shamed. She’s succinct, with a smarting touch of snark that makes us want to be her best friend.
"I love your Instagram but if I’m being totally honest the main reason I come here is to see you destroy people in the comments," one fan commented on Feb. 16. Same.
The only hard part is choosing the best roasts and advice. Someone has to do it. We took on that challenge. Here are our favorites:
Mommy can't thirst trap in peace
Teigen shared a relatable Instagram picture of young son Miles interrupting her me-time.
Her attempt to capture a steamy, topless photo resulted in an adorable photobomb, with a smiling Miles standing in between her legs as Teigen covers her bare chest in underwear, heels and full glam.
"please move, mommy is trying to be thirsty," Teigen wrote on March 16, referring to her attempt at creating a thirst trap, or in social media terms, a sexy photo used to entice followers.
Although some commenters could relate to Teigen's "Hot Mom struggle" and her total "lack of privacy," others rightfully predicted "Bad mom comments coming in 5,4,3,2..."
"This photo is so disgusting and inappropriate," one commenter wrote, while another added, "Poor John Legend... Never in a million years I thought he would end up with someone with absolutely no class."
Don't fret, however, because Teigen is no stranger to trolls. She replied, "Wait til [they] find out we take baths together."
'Scroll on by'
Teigen posted a funny photo of herself breastfeeding her then-7-week-old son, Miles, as daughter Luna, who was 2 at the time, held a baby blanket, and she naturally got a reaction. Clad in a towel with a baby doll held to her other breast, she wrote on Instagram in July 2018, "Luna making me feed her babydoll so I guess I have twins now."
Teigen and musician John Legend share Luna, now 4, and Miles, now 2. The couple suffered a pregnancy loss in September 2020.
One Twitter user wrote: "Menstruating, childbirth and sex are natural, too, but that doesn't mean I want to see pics of it and/or celebrities like @chrissyteigen taking a bath or nursing. We get it."
Teigen responded that she, too, had things that she didn't care to see shared. But there is a feature specifically for that on social media.
"I don’t care to see grainy fireworks, coachella selfies or infinity pool pics but i let people live. calm your (expletive) and scroll on by."
Breast to bottle to burn
People weren't done with the breastfeeding shaming. When she turned to bottle feeding, people had something to say about that, too. Husband John Legend posted a pic of Teigen bottle-feeding then-5-month-old son Miles backstage on "The Voice" on his Instagram in November 2018.
A fan had the whiff of mom-shaming when asking, "You no longer breastfeed?”
The mom shot back: "John never breastfed Miles."
Magazine cover 'tips and tricks'
Teigen shared the time she made the cover of Glamour magazine's Women of the Year on Instagram in October 2018. She found herself in the company of Viola Davis, Kamala Harris and Janelle Monae.
Then someone named Heidi spoke up on Twitter. Seems she thought the cover photo was "awful."
"I know you don't give a damn, but girl if you're to be magazine cover material, make it worth it," Heidi wrote.
Naturally, Teigen thanked her for the thoughtful advice.
"Thank you, Heidi," she wrote. "in the future I will try harder to be the best cover model. if you could please send me specific tips and tricks (or past covers you've shot for reference!) that would be so awesome."
Girls with round faces ... Teigen with sharp quips
Teigen shared a photo from a September 2018 appearance on Andy Cohen's "Watch What Happens Live." One poster couldn't resist sharing a little beauty advice.
"You look beautiful but you should grow your hair long again," the commenter wrote. "Girls with round faces should not have short hair like that. It makes your face look huge. Been there….believe me….LONG HAIR."
An honest friend like that could have saved all of us at least one bad haircut amirite? Teigen thought the same. Not really.
"Honestly wow thank you because when I wake up each morning I wonder what (commenter's Instagram handle) would do and then I try to make her happy so this was a huge mistake on my part."
In defense of in vitro fertilization
Some people criticized her decision. She responded the Chrissy way.
In January 2017, one Twitter user asked: "Did you give it a minute to try naturally or are you avoiding 'the act?'"
"Hi Linda, thanks for asking, you complete witch. I tried for about 9 years. Anything else, let me know!"
A diss for dinner out
After having a baby, you should be home with that baby. Every. Single. Minute. At least some people think so. Teigen and Legend stepped out for dinner two weeks after Luna's birth, and that was much too soon. People let the former model know it.
A passive-aggressive inquirer asked in April 2016, "how's baby Luna?"
She answered: "I dunno i can't find her."
Look mom-shamers, it was a meal out. She wasn't abandoning her daughter, she explained in a tweet.
"I never wanted to leave my daughter, I love her, BUT THAT'S JUST ME."
Baby bump smack down
You can use words like respect and smiley emojis, but Teigen's not buying it.
A Twitter user shared a photo from the 2018 Emmys of Teigen and Legend and asked in the "utmost respectful" way if she was pregnant.
"I just had a baby but thank you for being soooo respectful," she responded in September 2018.
Wasted on red wine
She cooked up a red wine braised lamb with sweet potato mash for her family and shared it on Twitter. Yum!
Someone was concerned about giving Luna food that contained alcohol. While others in her Twitter feed came to Teigen's defense, saying the alcohol is burned off during the cooking, she chose a more sarcastic response to the since-deleted user in April 2018.
"Yeah, she gets wasted and sleeps all through the night."
Takes one to know one
Teigen shared that she carried some extra weight after the birth of her son in 2018 because she loves food so much. But she added that she was happier than after Luna's birth when she suffered postpartum depression.
So when a Twitter user came for her, saying "chubby needs to get to the gym," Teigen suggested he look in the mirror in April 2019.
"I hate to say this but...you are not a small person? also I don't care about my weight soooo this does not hurt," she wrote.
Part of a plot to prove parent sleep not crucial
The outspoken mother-of-two isn't always clapping back at commenters, but she takes to social media with some slow-clap-worthy parenting zings.
Chrissy isn't always clapping back at commenters, but she takes to social media with some slow-clap-worthy parenting zings.
One time she wondered why it is that kids who can barely keep their eyes open fight with everything they have to stay awake.
"My biggest parenting conundrum: why is it so hard to put someone who is already sleepy to sleep," she tweeted in August 2016.
Remember, you're packing diapers for two now
After giving birth to Luna, Teigen tweeted in 2016, "no one told me i would be coming home in diapers too."
Contributing: Cydney Henderson
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Chrissy Teigen's thirst trap and other all-time best clapbacks