Chef Julia Turshen Says Powerlifting Helped Transform Her Life and That She's No Longer 'Afraid to Take Up Space' (Exclusive)

"It's allowed me to feel really good about myself," the celebrated chef and cookbook author says of powerlifting

“I used to walk into a room and wonder if I was the biggest person in it. Now I walk into a room and wonder how many things I can lift.”

With that line in her new essay, Built for This: The Quiet Strength of Powerlifting, chef and cookbook author Julia Turshen describes the physical and emotional journey that has allowed her to go from feeling self-conscious to comfortable — in any space.

Turshen, 39, details how she was able to move away from disordered eating with the help of powerlifting in her contribution to ROXANE GAY &, an essay collection edited by Roxane Gay for the online publishing platform, Everand.

The Simply Julia author shares how her self-image and relationship with food was shaped by her childhood. And as she tells PEOPLE exclusively, her struggle with disordered eating and calorie restriction dovetailed with her career as a chef.

“Writing cookbooks and writing recipes allowed me to count, to measure, to figure out exact quantities of ingredients,” Turshen tells PEOPLE. “I got to apply my obsessiveness about those sort of numbers to a successful career writing recipes.”

But it wasn’t until April 2021 when she spent a summer working on a farm that she learned to celebrate what her body can do — not just what it looks like.

Related: 100-Year-Old Great-Great-Grandmother Is Guinness World Records' Oldest Competitive Powerlifter

“Working at the farm just changed everything for me. When I started thinking about what parts of working at the farm allowed me to feel really comfortable and secure and proud of my body, the thing that just always came to mind was lifting big heavy things: crates of vegetables, and big sacks of root vegetables and stuff. I love that I was able to do that and I wanted to have more opportunities.”

In March 2022, her friend introduced her to Matthew Santiago, who would become her trainer and mentor in powerlifting. And when the opportunity to write about her powerlifting journey came along, “There was something there that I wanted to write — that it wouldn't quite fit in a cookbook — to really explore something that had changed the way I felt about my body, in hopes that I could connect with other people, who experience also the complication of living in a human body.”

Below, she talks to PEOPLE exclusively about her evolution.

When you started powerlifting, you let your trainer Matt decide how much weight you would lift — you said you didn’t want to know. Why was that?

“I've had a hard time in general with tracking numbers, calories, other nutritional kind of facts, pounds gained or lost. I get really lost in those kinds of numbers. When I made the decision to work with Matt — which is a luxury to be able to afford to work with a coach — I asked him to just be in charge of the numbers so I didn't have to be. I think of it as like a very self-protective decision, because I wanted to think about how I feel in my body, and to just feel how I feel…to be in the moment and feel how the weight feels when I when I lift it and respond to that feeling as opposed to the amount.”

When people think of professional chefs, they might think of the stereotype of hotheads yelling in a kitchen. How has powerlifting given you peace?

“I've lived a lot of my life looking for validation from other people, whether professional or personal, and I think powerlifting has allowed me to give that to myself, so I'm not looking for it from other people. It's allowed me to feel really good about myself. I'm proud of myself and I know what I'm capable of, and that allows me to be much more relaxed. It has afforded me a lot of peace and calm. It's not a magic thing. I still get worked up about plenty of stuff. But I have given myself this routine where multiple times a week, I show up for myself and I remind myself like I'm a really capable person. That makes me feel really calm in other parts of my life.”

Related: Maryland Mom Was 415 Lbs. Before She Found Powerlifting: 'It Was Empowering to Take Control of My Life'

You talk a lot about taking up space as a woman — and being comfortable doing so. How has powerlifting helped?

“For women and people who present as women, to just go into a [gym] and not be afraid to take up space is a really big deal. The first time that happened, someone asked me if I was using the bench press, because I was resting in between my sets and I was like, ‘Oh yeah, you know, I'll just be a little bit longer, I'll let you know when I'm done.’ He walked away and was fine about it. Getting that relaxed response was very empowering for me. Just stating my needs and not getting out of the way just because someone else wants to use this thing is actually something I'm completely entitled to do. And for someone who hasn't had a lot of experience doing that, it felt like such a huge deal for me.” 

In the essay you describe your first competition. What do you like about powerlifting competitions?

“I like competing, not because I have any desire to compete against other people or see where I'm ranked. I'm not interested in any of that. It's just really cool to stand up in front of a room of people and show them how strong you are. Back to the moment in the gym of saying, ‘Oh, I'm using this, you know, I'll be done in a little bit’ — taking up that kind of space when you compete, you get to stand up in front of everyone and show your strength. And that's an amazing feeling.”

Built for This: The Quiet Strength of Powerlifting is available to subscribers on Everand.com. In celebration of the launch of Roxane Gay &, Everand is extending their signature 30-day free trial to 60 days, available to all new subscribers through this link. 

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