Chasten Buttigieg Opens Up About Book Bans, Memoir and Life as a Dad: 'Gets Me Really Emotional' (Exclusive)
"Many people are quicker to play politics than they are to find solutions," Buttigieg tells PEOPLE. "I know that my life is under a microscope. I know that people play politics with my family"
Chasten Buttigieg is the first to admit that his new book, I Have Something to Tell You—For Young Adults, is coming out at an opportune, but unplanned, time. A new version of his bestselling 2020 memoir, it debuts as books geared toward LGBTQ+ youth are being banned in schools around America.
Those bans weren't in the headlines when Buttigieg first sat down to re-write his memoir, which he describes as "the book I wish I could go back in time and hand to younger Chasten."
But after the original publication date was delayed due to the birth of his now 1-year-old twins with husband Pete Buttigieg — current secretary of transportation who ran for president in 2020 — the memoir now debuts as thousands of books have been banned in recent months by conservative school districts around the country.
According to a recent study from PEN America, many of those books were written by LGBTQ+ authors and writers of color.
"Many people are quicker to play politics than they are to find solutions," Buttigieg acknowledges to PEOPLE. "I know that my life is under a microscope. I know that people play politics with my family."
He continues: "And I know that some people will be more bothered by the existence of a story than by the fact that young people in this country are wondering whether or not they belong, especially young people who have seen their friends hauled out of schools in body bags."
Related:Chasten Buttigieg Denounces Proposed Ban on LGBTQ Discussions in Fla. Schools: 'This Will Kill Kids'
Buttigieg says he tries to remember that some of the discussion surrounding LGBTQ+ issues on social platforms like Twitter isn't illustrative of what average Americans are actually thinking.
"Whatever's happening on social media, people tend to believe that's the public square," Buttigieg says.
The former middle school teacher, who took a leave of absence to support his husband's 2020 presidential campaign, offers up a schoolhouse analogy: "All of those people think they're the only ones in the cafeteria, but they're actually just one table in the cafeteria. If you zoom out, you realize most people don't care about whatever they're talking about at that table."
Related:Meet the 'FReadom Fighters' Taking On Book Bans and Online Abuse: 'Books Are Not Contraband'
While he's no longer spending time in the cafeteria, Buttigieg had his own former students in mind when writing the new version of his book. In it, he expands on many of his own stories he thought could resonate with younger people — like those about "growing up in an environment where I did not know it was okay to be gay."
"I thought something was wrong with me [when I was young]," Buttigieg says. "I felt like people's opinions about me defined me. I didn't realize that one day I'd grow up and be on a presidential campaign and feel so empowered by leaning into what others said would define me."
After the release of his first book, which debuted amid the COVID-19 pandemic, Buttigieg was elated to be receive feedback from those who, like him, had long felt different.
"It's still so weird to have a college student come up to you and say, 'It's almost like we lived the same life,'" he says. "To know that — just by existing and just by putting out there, 'Here's what happened to me' — it can make other people feel seen and supported and less alone ... that means so much to me."
Of course, an additional audience for the book will be parents and teachers, which is why Buttigieg included a section on "conversation starters for families and teachers" — topics that he hopes will spur a larger discussion and that he plans to delve into during an 18-stop book tour (which includes many of the states where book bans have taken effect).
"I understand what it's like to be a teacher watching students struggle with not seeing themselves reflected in the books that they're reading," Buttigieg says.
Buttigieg also has a new understanding of what it means to parent young children, acknowledging that his thoughts on the book shifted with the birth of his kids, Joseph "Gus" August and Penelope Rose.
"One day, I will no longer be here and this book will exist and they'll be able to say, 'My dad wrote this book about his childhood.' And that gets me really emotional," he says. "What am I leaving behind as a legacy? What kind of world am I building for my kids?"
The kids are the focus for Buttigieg, who describes the "tightrope walk" of navigating life as a public figure and raising young children.
One challenge lies in the busy schedules he and his husband juggle. On his book tour, Buttigieg will visit a different city every day for two weeks. Meanwhile, his husband travels frequently for his role in Biden's Cabinet.
But the couple makes an effort to connect often, even if that means a phone call on the way to or from daycare, or FaceTimes after the kids are asleep.
Related:Pete Buttigieg Reveals the Advice He'd Give His 13-Year-Old Self: 'Just Hang In There'
And when the two are together, there are the occasional date nights, though they look a lot different than when the couple first started dating in 2015, after meeting on the dating app Hinge.
"The older the kids get, the more date night has turned into takeout and Netflix," Buttigieg admits. "Once you get them down and put up all the bath toys, you don't really want to put a suit on and go to an event. But Pete is really good about putting his phone down and flipping that switch."
The transportation secretary is also skilled at providing feedback, Buttigieg says, such as when he would show his husband passages of the book to look over before it was published.
"He can either be strategic or he can be bolstering. He asks, 'What kind of feedback would you like?' And he's so good about sending encouraging messages," Buttigieg says of Pete.
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The partnership is one that's grown amid monumental life changes for the couple, who now juggle being under the political microscope and raising small children — one of whom, Penelope, recently discovered how to get out of her own crib — "not the best thing at 3:00 in the morning," Buttigieg laughs.
But it's his new life as a dad, Buttigieg acknowledges, that makes the message of his new book all the more poignant.
"We're training our replacements, as Pete always says. I know that this book can do some good. And I hope that it makes them proud."
I Have Something to Tell You—For Young Adults: A Memoir will be published Tuesday, May 16.
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