Carolyn Wiger was 'shocked as hell' and 'hurt' to not get any Survivor jury votes

Dalton Ross
·12 min read
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We knew Carolyn Wiger was going to be a colorful character the first second she showed up on Survivor 44 — which also happened to be the first second of Survivor 44. And, indeed, Carolyn went on to yelp, eye-roll, and gesticulate her way through the game in a delightful way.

But Carolyn also proved to be shrewder, sharper, and more discreet than her put-it-all-out-there attitude would initially have you believe. She came up with the X plan to skillfully hide the fake idol after opening the Birdcage. She kept her own idol a secret, even from her biggest allies. She successfully flipped sides at one point when she felt herself losing agency in the game, and got Josh Wilder to trust her enough to tell her about his idol without revealing hers.

Carolyn rode her gameplay and solid Three Stooges alliance all the way to the end, but couldn't seal the deal, ultimately losing to Tika tribemate Yam Yam Orocho in a 7-1-0 jury vote.

How does Carolyn feel about her game now? What surprised her most about the votes she didn't get at the final Tribal Council? And how did it feel watching herself back on TV? We chatted with the fan favorite the morning after the finale to get the scoop on all that and what we didn't see on TV. You can watch the entire interview above or read it below, but we really recommend watching this one for full Carolyn effect.

Carolyn Wiger on 'Survivor 44'
Carolyn Wiger on 'Survivor 44'

CBS Carolyn Wiger on 'Survivor 44'

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: First off, how confident were you walking into that final Tribal Council?

CAROLYN WIGER: See, I've been thinking about this, and I don't want to be like, "I was so scared." And I don't want to say that I wasn't confident. I was confident. I kept telling myself, "I can do this. I can do this." It was more like, I needed to convince myself that I could do it, and that I believed in myself. I knew I could do it, but I feel like I was at a point where I was just so mentally drained that I wasn't as confident as I wanted to be.

That's my honest answer. I wasn't as confident as I wanted to be. Going into the merge, I was like, "I'm going to do it!" And when I got to final Tribal, I did not have that same energy. Mentally, I just was not all there.

Do you think that's just the game and not being nourished and just the mental and emotional stress of the whole situation?

I think that the game just took a toll on me. And here's the deal. I don't want to make excuses, and then I don't want to be like, I should have done more and I could have done more. I just feel like mentally I did not have the fight that I wanted to have anymore. I did not have all that fight. And it's heartbreaking. I hate it. I hate that. I felt like at that point almost like I wasn't good enough. It was just really hard. It was really f---ing hard.

Do you feel good enough now? In the sense of the whole experience? Let's just look at the totality of it, the reaction you've gotten from people that have watched your game and your personality. I can't tell you just the number of texts I've gotten from people I know that just say, "Oh my God, I'm obsessed with this person. If she doesn't win this season, I'm going to be crushed." What's it been like taking that all in?

I'm just really grateful, and I told myself that even if I go into this and I am the Debbie, or I am like the 100% Nora or the Phillip — I love them, it's no disrespect, but if I am just some one-dimensional person on the show, I still wouldn't have regretted it because I got to be myself. I don't have any regrets. It feels good to hear from people who are like, "I feel so heard by you. I can relate to you." I'm not going to lie, I even told Jeff, "Above all else, I want to prove that I can play this game and be myself and I want to show people." Because watching, I could not relate to a lot of people.

It was just so meaningful to me to be able to do that. I never look at this as a game. I always say, this isn't football. It's not to me. It's more than that. It is so human. There are so many emotions involved. It will never be just a game to me. Being able to be myself and reach people like I am, it's so overwhelming. I'm so grateful and it's just so much gratitude. I love the messages that I get, and I feel so guilty because I can't write everybody back.

I just want to talk to everybody and hug everybody, because I'm no different than them. I'm a fan who applied. So being able to reach people, that is what I wanted. That was my first and foremost thing. I wanted to reach people. I know I'm not everybody's cup of tea. I'm not reading crap online and all that, but I'll get stuff snuck into my head sometimes, and the response that I've gotten… I went into this with no expectations, and totally expected people to be like, "Shut her up!" And it's been great.

Carolyn Wiger on 'Survivor 44'
Carolyn Wiger on 'Survivor 44'

Robert Voets/CBS Carolyn Wiger on 'Survivor 44'

What's the experience been like watching yourself? Because everyone that goes on the show says they want to be themselves, but then it's often hard to watch yourself in certain moments where you're like, "Why did I say that? Why did I do that? Why am I acting this way?" What was that experience like for you?

I loved it. Like, even when I was picking my nose, even when I had Yam Yam burp in my face. I don't notice that I make all these faces or I don't notice like, these weird ticks about me. I'm not on TV every day, how would I know? Seeing it and watching myself, I was terrified.

There were times where I was watching alone in the closet and scared. But it has been good. I'm so proud of myself and it feels good. I was terrified, but just seeing these moments where a lot of people might be embarrassed — I'm just like, Oh my God, I love that I did that! I love that I said that! I love that I shared that, because it's real.

When you're out there, yes, a lot of people will want to show a version of yourself. But also, you're playing a game where you don't want to put the best version of yourself out there and all that. Like, I never even thought of that. I was like, I'm here. So I've been loving it.

Listen, no disrespect to Yam Yam, because he played an incredible game and is a great winner. And Heidi was a boss down the stretch. But I was absolutely shocked that you didn't get any votes. Were you surprised? And were there any votes that you thought you might get that you didn't?

I'm really proud of both of them, and I'm trying not to [be] like, "Why didn't anyone for me?" And really at the end of the day, it's like, okay, even if I would've gotten one vote, like, "Okay, Carolyn, come on." But yeah, it hurt! And I thought that Frannie would.

Me too.

I thought Frannie might vote for me. I thought Carson might vote for me. But to be honest, those were the only two that I thought would vote for me. I knew Danny, he's not voting for someone like me! Brandon is not going to vote for me. They valued strength. Like, "You haven't proven yourself." Then I sure as hell am not going to prove myself at the final Tribal.

Physical strength? I didn't have that. I was not good at challenges. And here's the deal: This is season 44. I didn't think people cared like this much about challenges. But I was on a season with these dudes who were like "tribe strength," so I didn't think I'd get their votes.  But yeah, I was shocked as hell! I was like… Carson? Especially. Yeah, it hurt. I expected those two to vote for me.

Carolyn Wiger on 'Survivor 44'
Carolyn Wiger on 'Survivor 44'

Robert Voets/CBS Carolyn Wiger on 'Survivor 44'

You have said that you are someone who sometimes needs a moment to collect yourself and let your emotions settle down a bit. So was it hard transitioning from that emotional Tribal Council and not getting any votes to then having to shift into the after-show celebration? What was that like for you?

Horrible. Like, Jeff, stop doing that! But like, no, "That's when it's real." And I get why he does it. Like yeah, it's real. I ran out. I have not watched that part of it yet. It was horrible!

"How does it feel to not get any votes?" It sucks! And so to have to just go from that and people don't realize that [final] Tribal is an interrogation. It is literally an interrogation. And you have all these people, they're all ready and smelling great. And we're like stinky old dogs. It is hard. The pressure is real. So then going from that, and this is hours and hours long, so it's like, "Can we get a break?" There is no break. Like, gimme the pizza. It's horrible. It felt like crap. I hated it. Mentally, I was just like, get me out of here. It's horrible.

What's something that happened out there on the island that never made it to TV that you wish we had gotten a chance to see?

Honestly, my interactions with Danny, and all the times he would chime in and I'd be like, "Just stop it." Or "This is how you do the fire," or "This is how you do this." And I just thought, there are reasons why they cast people with contrasting personalities. But he's a great person. He's hilarious, but he knew how to get under my skin. So just those moments with him where I would be like, "No, this is how we do the fire," and he'd be like, "No, you do it this way." Just all those funny arguments, and it drove me freaking crazy.

But it also showed me, this is why this game is so hard. You can't go anywhere. You're stuck with these people. And again, I liked him a lot, but just all the arguments with him that weren't shown. I can't think of a lot of things that weren't shown, I was on the screen too much.

Are you going to do this again when they ask you to do this again? Because they're definitely going to ask you to do this again.

Why do you say that?

What do you mean, why do I say that? You just told me how you were on the screen the entire time! They love you! Of course they're going to ask you to play again

I can't think about that. Like, of course. Is that even a question? Yes.

A 'super f---ing confused' Carolyn Wiger on 'Survivor 44'
A 'super f---ing confused' Carolyn Wiger on 'Survivor 44'

CBS A 'super f---ing confused' Carolyn Wiger on 'Survivor 44'

Did this experience change you? How are you different?

Of course it did. I've been up and down. I get sober, I figure out who I am, I get more comfortable with myself, I go out there like so, so confident. And I end it. Even coming home, there's been so many emotions just watching this, and I went in with no expectations of what I was going to see on the screen.

But I look at myself and all those things that I taught myself in recovery, like positive self-talk, I've had to like relearn them because I've been so hard on myself with this. It's changed me. It's changed me in the fact I've realized that just because I got sober, I'm not cured. I'm constantly growing, and just because I was out here and I went through this hard experience, I'm not fixed yet, you know?

I just went out so confident, and then I would feel confident, and then I would go down and up and down and up. I'm proud of myself and I'm realizing, it's okay to be proud of myself. Even though, like, I made mistakes, it's like, that's real and it's okay that it did. I can still be proud of myself even though I probably made mistakes along the way. I wanted to go through the whole game without ever saying anything bad to myself. Yeah, I did that sometimes, but that's okay, too. I don't need to beat myself up about this. I truly am proud. I'm just so freaking grateful. I'm not answering... what was the question? I don't know.

It was an absolute joy to watch you all season long. And I know a lot of people loved your story and can't wait to see more of it. And I can't wait to see more of it.

Do you realize that as a fan it's just crazy being here and doing this? Do you know how many times I watched these and just, like, imagined that this would be me? And you're like right across… Oh my God. Sorry. I'm just grateful.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

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