Braunwyn Windham-Burke Writes a Letter to Fans Who Are Staying Sober this Holiday

Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images Braunwyn Windham-Burke

Braunwyn Windham-Burke is sending an important message ahead of the holiday season. In a personal essay for PEOPLE, The Real Housewives of Orange County alum, 45, who has been sober for nearly three years, writes about how she's celebrating Christmas and the New Year without alcohol, assuring fans who are doing the same that the holiday season is still joyful.

"The holidays are loaded. And I say that as one of the biggest holiday enthusiasts alive.

For many of us, even our earliest childhood memories involve alcohol in some way. While the holidays provide so many ways of finding connection and community, they also give us many socially acceptable opportunities to check-out with alcohol.

When I got sober, the holiday season was actually the time of year I feared the most. Finding meaning and joy in everyday experiences without alcohol was somehow easier than re-imagining what holiday parties and events could look like without the crutch of eggnog and cocktails.

The "firsts" were particularly hard because I put so much pressure on myself to make them special and be the "best sober person" to every make it through the holiday season. The first Christmas where I was officially out as Queer. The first Christmas post-separation.

Well, almost three years into this journey, I have some good news…sobriety has made my favorite season that much more special. The first thing I had to learn was to stop putting so much pressure on myself to be the best sober person, the best LGBTQIA+ advocate, the best sober friend. When I took the pressure off, I started to actually have fun with these new traditions I was creating.

Instead of drinking hot chocolate and baileys at Christmas tree lightings and Holiday pageants, the kids and I started to come up with new (sometimes extreme) hot chocolate concoctions and the joy that I get from laughing with them and watching them proudly play British Bakeoff contestant for the night, it somehow beats any drunken rendition of Silent Night out there.

I used to wait all year for tequila-filled boat rides around Newport Beach looking at Christmas lights. This year, I had warm apple cider, new friends, and my partner and I got to be present and authentically me for all of it.

I think that's what's been the greatest gift that sobriety has given to me. I get to wake up every morning, look at my partner, wait for my kids to run into our room, and fully feel all of the gratitude, chaos, and joy present in these moments. I'm not scrambling to take a ride-share home from a holiday party or trying to come up with "Plan B's" for events that I'm too hungover to attend. I get to live everyday with clarity and authenticity and for that I will never not be eternally thankful for the sober community, friends, and family that helped me get here.

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If there was going to be a year that I could somehow work my mind into excusing a relapse, this would be the one. This is my first holiday without my ex-husband. We're still coming out of the pandemic and the isolation and loneliness that so many of us experienced still come into play when I least expect them. New traditions are fun, but they come with the process of mourning old ones that we've outgrown. Recognizing the polarity present in these moments has been key for me. Allowing myself to feel the joy of newness and the sadness that can sometimes come with growth without having to check out and disconnect has been transformative.

In short, the holidays are…a lot.  But, as with most things, dealing with "a lot" is much easier when you're clear, present, and fully in the moment. It gets easier.

I wish everyone a joy-filled holiday season. We got this."

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