Today, we look at the greatest rollerskating music videos of all time. Why? No particular reason. Rollerskating is awesome, that's all. Just roll with it, and watch.
Actually, according to the surely very reliable recent CBS news report above, old-fashioned rollerskating is making a comeback. And the 22 music videos ranked here — five of which were released in just the past year — will definitely make you want to strap on your skates and do the Hokey Pokey.
22. Tonic, "Open Up Your Eyes" (1996) - The '90s alt-rockers go cruisin' for a knee-bruisin' in this clip, but manage to remain impressively upright and avoid a faceful of suburban asphalt.
21. The Datsuns, "Girl's Best Friend" (2004) - The broads on quads known as L.A.'s Derby Dolls kick butt, figuratively and almost literally, in this awesome offering by the garage-rock New Zealanders.
20. George Benson, "Give Me the Night" (1980) - The smooth jazzman rolls right into the golden era of skating, the 1980s, in this decade-launching classic clip. Nearly three and a half decades later, we're still wowed by his yet-unsurpassed ability to skate backwards, play guitar, and lip-synch at the same time.
19. Mariah Carey, "Fantasy" (1995) - Rollerskating and rollercoasters? This is what our mid-'90s fantasies are made of.
18. Marilyn Manson, "Lunchbox" (1994) - This grim early Manson clip made '90s children afraid to enter the roller rink for years.
17. Cage the Elephant, "Take It or Leave It" (2014) - Juliette Lewis gives fellow thespian Heather Graham a serious run for her money here, playing a sexy '70s rollergirl. This girl knows how to get a boogie night party started!
16. Dire Straits, "Skateaway" (1980) - An entire song about skating, with an extremely literal video to match. Yep, 1980 was a very good year.
15. Chet Faker, "Gold" (2014) - Let's face it, rollerblades will never be as sexy as four-wheelers. The synchronized ladies of Chet Faker's "Gold" aren't faking their skillz in this surprisingly sultry clip.
14. De La Soul, "A Rollerskating Jam Named 'Saturdays'" (1991) - The iconic old-skool hip-hop trio recalls a simpler and happier era, when the weekends were made for fun… at the local rink. Good times.
13. Cher, "Hell on Wheels" (1979) - If we could turn back time... we would totally want to be extras in this amazingly ridiculous, ridiculously amazing video. Keep on truckin', Cher!
12. Aerosmith, "Legendary Child" (2012) - For their comeback video, the rock legends enlist a rollerderby girl gang for this six-minute action mini-movie. Talk about rolling with the punches!
11. Willam Belli, "RuPaulogize" (2013) - This rinky-dink clip from the infamous RuPaul's Drag Race rabblerouser is definitely NSFW. It's not even safe for the rink. But as RuPaul would say, it's totally sickening. **WARNING: VIDEO CONTAINS PROFANITY**
10. Jessica Simpson, "A Public Affair" (2006) - Girls Only Skate Night! Jessica and her famous gal pals Christina Applegate, Eva Longoria, Maria Menounos, and Christina Milian (oh — and Andy Dick and Ryan Seacrest) hit the rink for some counter-clockwise fun.
9. Madonna, "Sorry" (2006) - The same year that J.Simp and her entourage hopped in a limo and headed to the rink in "A Pubic Affair," Madge and her own rollerposse boarded a customized, neon-lit disco bus for their own party on wheels. Madonna wins the Great Pop Rollerskating Battle of '06, then.
8. Sugar Ray, "Every Morning" (1999) - Mark McGrath and Friends didn't always get respect in the '90s, but their fun videos were some of the best of the decade, thanks to their regular director, McG. McG went on to direct the Charlie's Angels movies, We Are Marshall, and Terminator Salvation, but we'd rather watch this guilty-pleasure video instead. Pass the popcorn!
7. The Rapture, "Gotta Get Myself Into It" (2006) - The NYC dance-punks pay attention to every dyn-o-mite detail in this perfectly retro tour de force. By the way, this video also came out in the year 2006. Sorry, Madonna. The Rapture wins.
6. Beyoncé, "Blow" (2013) - Proving there's nothing that Queen Bey cannot do, she executes some killer four-wheel choreography (masterminded by Frank Gatson Jr., Chris Grant, and ex-American Idol contestant Todrick Hall) in this sexy clip, which was shot by Hype Williams at Beyoncé's old girlhood hangout, the Fun Plex in Houston.
5. Priory, "Weekend" (2014) - Couples Skate Only! The rising Portland duo recruits Bailey Noble (True Blood) and Nick Krause (The Descendants, Boyhood) for an adorable roller-romance. Tragically, the rink where this video was shot closed down just a week later. But the rollertastic memories will last a lifetime.
4. The Pink Spiders, "Little Razorblade" (2006) - Yes, this pink-hued powerpop video also came out in 2006. Sorry, the Rapture. The Pink Spiders win.
3. Flight of the Conchords, "Ladies of the World" (2008) - What lady of the world, from any country, could resist the Kiwi comedy charms of super-smooth rollerdudes Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement?
2. Robbie Williams, "Rock DJ" (2000) - The most brilliantly subversive music video of 2000 (inexplicably voted the Least Sexy Video by a panel of humorless VH1 viewers that year) pairs gory, Hellraiser-esque special effects with skating supermodels and some of the best goofy disco-rapping since Rick Dees recorded "Disco Duck." Can you kick it? Yes you can, Robbie. Because you rule.
1. Olivia Newton-John, "Xanadu" (1980) - We still can't decide which was a better year for rollervideos, 1980 or 2006. Oh, OK — it was 1980. After all, did 2006 offer an ELO-soundtracked silver-screen spectacular that combined good ol'-fashioned '40s movie musicals, Greek mythology, and rollerdisco? And starred both Gene Kelly and the Tubes? No? Well, then… Olivia Newton-John and 1980 totally win.