The 4 Most Cringeworthy Moments in John Travolta's Brazilian Booze Commerical

There is a rich and wonderful tradition of big American actors doing awful foreign commercials. Usually the actors look like fools, we laugh, and they walk away with a pile of money.

And then there's this.

Ostensibly the tale of a world-famous actor enjoying his time in Brazil with new friends and some rum, John Travolta's commercial comes off like the story of a very fit, creepy old man staring at a bunch of half-naked young people.

Don't believe us? We don't even need words to prove it.

What do you get when you gene splice "Gran Torino"-era Clint Eastwood with an iguana? A lizard person who's about to tell all of Brazil to get off his lawn.

In the ad, Travolta is supposedly so good at soccer that he banks his shot off a tree and into the goal. But through a combination of bad direction and worse physicality, it looks like he's aiming for the goal, makes a comically awful miss, and the ball accidentally goes in. If he had left on the hat and added a little mustache, he would have done Charlie Chaplin proud.

Hey, remember "Grease" and "Saturday Night Fever" and even "Pulp Fiction," where Travolta danced his way into our hearts with an easy grace and almost preternatural cool? Not anymore, you won't!

Presumably that hand motion (mime piano, mime coconuts, mime piano, mime coconuts) is a signature thing for Brasilizar. Done by Travolta, it looks like he's doing "Saturday Night Live's" "Wild and Crazy Guys" sketch.

The video is below. If the opening line, "Don't! Don't you skip this video!" isn't his audition tape to play a serial killer in the next season of "Dexter," we all need to be very, very worried.