We picked up this week's show right where we left off last Monday: on the floor outside the restroom. Kelsey was apparently so overwhelmed by the magnitude of the moment, she had some sort of panic attack that involved store-bought brownies.
Let me give you a few behind the scenes anecdotes from this "event." We were upstairs in the La Fonda hotel in downtown Santa Fe. While we had some of that area locked down for production, the bathroom and hall were kept open. When Kelsey was writhing on the floor, several other guests that were staying on that floor walked by wondering what in the world was happening. I really felt sorry for Jade, who was stuck in the bathroom for about twenty minutes while the medic attended to Kelsey. Somehow in the middle of this attack, Kelsey decided what would make her feel better is alone time with Chris. Of course, up until that point we were all very worried for Kelsey, but the medic told our producers that she was going to be fine.
Chris was in the middle of an interview in a hotel room at the time and had no idea what was going on. I went to the room, filled Chris in on the situation and told him he should probably come check on her. He came downstairs, and the rest is what you saw on the show. The girls knew that once again Kelsey had gotten time with Chris, and they were none too pleased about it. The majority of the women were already starting to feel like Kelsey isn't being genuine and she had definitely become public enemy No. 1. Once we got everything and everybody put back together, we held the rose ceremony and said goodbye to Mackenzie and a woman named Samantha. I'm 86 percent sure Samantha wasn't actually on the show but rather a hotel guest that had snuck on the set, as I haven't seen or heard her this entire season. She seems like a very nice, pretty girl. Maybe we'll have her on the show in the future.
After a crazy night in Santa Fe, we packed our bags and headed to the Wild West town of Deadwood, South Dakota. The first thing Chris did was take a bunch of cowboy pictures. Why? I don't know, but it happened, as you saw. The first date this week went to the virgin Becca. Just so you keep your virgins straight, Becca is the quiet, sweet virgin who rarely talks about her virginity, doesn't cry, and up to this point hadn't kissed Chris. She's not to be confused with Ashley, the virgin who tells anybody who will listen about her virginity, does nothing but cry, and jumps Chris's bones anytime he's in the vicinity. OK now that we have our virgins straight, let's move on.
Becca and Chris had a very romantic date and they really seem to get along well. In all seriousness, I don't like to make a big deal out of the "virgin" thing, but you can tell intimacy is an issue with Becca. This is not good or bad and it's not something to be judged, but as far as her relationship with Chris goes, so far, it's an issue. She's not comfortable with her sexuality and she is nervous and slightly uncomfortable in intimate situations with Chris. She did relax towards the end of the date and gave him a very sweet kiss. Becca is a good girl and Chris seems to really like her.
Back at the hotel some of the girls finally confronted Kelsey. They admitted that they don't believe she's honest or sincere. Kelsey expressed that she couldn't believe such opinions existed about her. The stage was set for what happened later in the show.
But first there was the Big & Rich group date. For all of us country music fans on the show, this date was awesome. I'm a huge country music fan and as much as I enjoy all the musical guests we have on the show, I always enjoy the country acts the most. Big & Rich had the girls write and sing their own country music song and Chris was in on this too. Here's a rundown of the acts: Chris was terrible but gave a decent effort. Britt surprised me with how good she was. Kaitlyn went the street cred route and threw down a rap that wasn't horrible, but it was the easy way out and I can't blame her for that. Megan was also surprisingly great. Carly, who we knew would be good, lived up to the hype. And I have to give it up for Jade who was terrified but stepped up there, swallowed her pride, and let it go.
The big story on this date was Chris sneaking off with Britt to the Big & Rich concert. I'm not sure you could tell, but the date was taking place across town. It's a small town, so we're talking just a short walk, but still they took off and walked over to our hotel where the concert was taking place. They were gone over an hour at the show and the other women had no idea where they were. When they walked back in together still beaming from the show, I thought they were going to get beaten senseless. If looks could kill, the two of them wouldn't have stood a chance.
Chris sensed this and tried to say something eloquent to smooth things over, but it just wasn't happening. He said goodbye and got out of there as fast as he could. The women are really feeling strong emotions at this point and something like this really makes them feel left out. Was this unfair? That's a tough call. I'm sure all of you have an opinion, and I can't wait to hear what you think.
Obviously, the most talked about moment this week was the dreaded two-on-one date with Kelsey and Ashley. Before I break this down, I need to take a moment to urge this generation to please lose the phrase "I can't even" from your vocabulary. This should never, ever be said again, please and thank you.
OK, on to the date. I think the best way to break down what happened is via my simple, 13-step analysis.
1. Chris and the ladies fly out to the Badlands.
2. Ashley sells out Kelsey to Chris.
3. Chris sells out Ashley to Kelsey.
4. Kelsey stares at Ashley.
5. Ashley cries and confronts Chris.
6. Chris "can't even" and dumps Ashley.
7. Ashley cries some more, leaves, comes back, cries, leaves again.
8. Ashley really, really cries.
9. Chris talks to Kelsey and she says weird stuff.
10. Chris "just can't even" again and dumps Kelsey.
11. Chris gets in chopper and gets the hell out of the Badlands ASAP.
12. Word gets back to the ladies, and a party ensues.
So that's the two-on-one date in a nutshell. The reaction of the women back in Deadwood when they knew Kelsey was gone was unlike anything I've seen on this show. They literally threw a party to celebrate her departure. I can say with authority that this was truly the most dramatic two-on-one date in The Bachelor history.
So this is where we leave you. I think that was more than enough to handle for one week. I recommend you get some rest because next week we have a special two-night Bachelor spectacular: Starting Sunday at 8 p.m., you'll see the dramatic conclusion of our week in Deadwood with another shocking exit. Then we head to Chris's home state of Iowa, where we'll see stunning revelations (hint: Jade's past), and the drama between the women gets even more intense than ever. On top of all of that, we'll have exclusive interviews with Chris, the ever-controversial Kelsey, and for the first time since her break-up, we'll hear from our most recent Bachelorette, Andi, in an unbelievably emotional interview you'll have to see to believe. So rest up, stay hydrated, and I'll see you on Sunday at 8 p.m.
The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.