Just when you thought "Orphan Black" couldn't get creepier than an amputated human tail, Helena got grabby with Sarah. In the shower.
Unless your name is Jaime Lannister, no one wants their twin sister rubbing up against them like a cat in heat.
But that's our Helena. No boundaries!
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So how did Sarah wind up getting mauled by a killer clone in Rachel Duncan's bathroom of all places? Let's go back to that country road where we last saw Sarah and her abductor, Daniel.
Hitting the Road
Turns out Sarah's baby daddy Cal was driving the car that smashed into them — he was trying to rescue her. Um, thanks? Anyway, it worked, because she survived with barely a scratch and Daniel didn't. Apparently. So they left him — aka "the guy back there [who] belonged to a very serious bitch at a very powerful corporation" — and hit the road in a borrowed camper. What an upgrade from Barry's flatbed truck!
Sarah, of course, had to split — armed with an origami "angel" from her daughter. (What a coincidence — Helena has also been described as an angel. An angry one, but still.) Determined to find out what her foster mom has been hiding, she met Felix (rocking a cat burglar outfit) at Mrs. S's house.
Leda and the Swan
As it happens, Mrs. S is really into scrapbooking, because Sherlock and Watson found some convenient newspaper clippings. It's called exposition, people! Their findings: (1) Some hot guy named Carlton, who brought her across the pond, served 15 years for human smuggling; (2) The couple in the Project Leda photo were Professors Susan and Ethan Duncan, Rachel's parents, who were killed with six other scientists in a lab explosion. Armed with this knowledge, and Cosima's earlier explanation of the Leda and the Swan mythology — that Zeus's baby mama Leda gave birth to their half-human, half-god twins — Sarah decided to break into Rachel's swanky digs. (Because, you never know, she too could be harboring a secret passion for scrapbooking!)
Sarah and Felix were not alone in Mrs. S's house — Helena was hiding in a closet and overheard everything. Turns out she's a city girl at heart and just could not abide living on a farm, especially as Henrik's wife and mare. Not that she felt particular welcome — Henrik's daughter Grace tried to smother her with a pillow. Oh, and she started having flashbacks of Henrik and Mark subjecting her to some kind of gynecological procedure — definitely not a pap smear. Anyway, she escaped — ran right past Art, in fact, who was still casing the compound. He let her go (because why?) but stopped her posse of pursuers because they didn't have licenses to carry guns on public land. (Look, this wasn't "Orphan Black's" finest hour as far as plotting was concerned. Nobody's perfect — except Tatiana Maslany, of course.)
Oh well. Henrik had what he needed: Helena's fertilized ova, already in the process of making little Shakira lookalikes. In the cult leader's eyes, he is Zeus, the swan rapist, and Helena is his Leda. Fortunately, for her sake, the swan managed to fly away.
The Shower Scene
Sarah successfully infiltrated Rachel's chic apartment — "straight outta Cold Bitch Digest" — only to discover that Daniel is her roommate slash boy toy slash… monitor?! Yep, he's the ice queen's Hot Paul, reporting to Dr. Leekie. Oh, and he's also alive. Or was. He did survive the car crash, caught Sarah at Rachel's apartment and was just starting to torture her in the shower (as Alison and her "Blood Ties: A Musical" co-stars can tell you, it's easier to clean up the blood in a bathroom) when Helena arrived. And stabbed him to death. Like a horror movie Miss Havisham, her frilly white gown drenched in Daniel's blood and welding a dripping knife, she crept into the bathroom.
"Hello, sister," she told Sarah, "Good to see you."
As usual, the feeling was not mutual. After all, Sarah believed she'd killed her twin — shot through the heart, Bon Jovi style. Now Sarah, helplessly bound to Rachel's very sturdy showerhead, wasn't feeling too confident that her sister wouldn't return the favor.
Sarah didn't feel any better when Helena called their reunion "a miracle" and said they were "meant to be together." Not helping, especially with that bloody knife in her hand. But really it was just a prop to indicate where, Helena moaned, "I think he took something from inside of me." And… Snuggle Time! We'll have to wait until next week to find out how long Helena intends to nuzzle her captive, terrified teddy bear.
So This Is What the World Looks Like When You're Sober
Poor Alison is also being held prisoner — in rehab. She woke up with her arm in a sling and no idea how she got there. Naturally, she assumed at first she was being held by the DYAD Institute. In fact, however, she had agreed to the treatment after her spectacular stage dive on opening night. Now she wants out, but Donnie threatened to take away her children if she didn't complete the program. But while Alison was puking her guts out from the mother of all hangovers, at least she's not coughing up blood (politely) like her sister clone Cosima.
No one's really in a good place — and it's just going to get worse. As Mrs. S told Carlton (after banging him in a hallway): "If Sarah digs any further into this, God knows a whole world of sh-- is going to unravel."
"People got their money's worth." (when Alison asked if her performance was terrible)
"Don't mix your camouflage." (when Sarah asked him to name the first rule of war)
"At least she's got feelings somewhere in her body." (when Sarah found evidence of Rachel's "boy toy")
"Cosima and Delphine are locked in some kind of transgressive lesbian geek spiral. Bound to end in tears." (not feeling confident about his roommate's relationship with her monitor)
"So I take it you're going back to Kira and that Davy Crockett?" (on Sarah's decision to stick with her baby daddy)
"Orphan Black" airs Saturdays at 9 p.m. on BBC America.