Just last week, we launched our regular feature Please Ignore Our Terrible Movie, which showcased films that studios, fearing the PULVERIZING BRICKBATS OF CRITICAL CONSENSUS, refuse to show to critics before it opens. This is a pain for critics, but you shouldn't care about that: What matters is that it's a surefire sign that the movie stinks, and the studio knows it.
The first members of our little club were "Shark Night 3-D" and "Apollo 18." So let's test our thesis, just to make sure. How'd those movies do on Metacritic?
So far, so good! Thus, we welcome "Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star," which opens this Friday and will not be screened for critics. The Happy Madison (Adam Sandler)-produced theoretical comedy stars Nick Swardson as an Amish imbecile (we think he's Amish? We're not sure) who discovers his parents once made a porn film and -- quite reasonably! -- decides to become a porn star. You are highly discouraged from checking out the film's official site.
As often with films like this, the focus lands on the "respectable" actors unable to escape the carnage. (It's tough to blame Nick Swardson for being Nick Swardson.) So, step right up Christina Ricci, Stephen Dorff, Edward Herrmann, Kevin Nealon and whatever pseudo B-listers Sandler and company talked into popping by the set. Good luck with all this.
So! Welcome, "Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star," to the Please Ignore Our Terrible Movie club. We are not surprised to see you here.
PLEASE IGNORE OUR TERRIBLE MOVIE
"Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star"
"Shark Night 3-D"