There are so many options this week, our trashy reality TV cups runneth over. Cathy from "Dance Moms" and her Candy Apples may be up for a permanent place in our Hall of Shame (for copying music from a little kid), while the "Toddlers & Tiaras" mom who carried around a lifelike doll and pretended it was real was beyond crazy. But we'll leave those stage-mom weirdos off our list for this week, because there are far bigger fish to fry — or, rather, skewer.
Juicy Joe & Teresa Giudice ("Real Housewives of New Jersey")
While these two morons (who pack healthy snacks like sausage and wine for a 5K run) were busy screaming at her brother Joe for various reasons, they ignored the fact that their daughters are a mess. First there's Milania, who throws fashion-induced tantrums, and then there's Gia, who hijacked her sister's birthday party to sing the most depressing song on the planet about how she wished her mother and uncle would get along again. Prepare for major therapy bills, folks.
Holly ("Bachelor Pad")
She got engaged to Blake while the cameras were rolling, so she's clearly in a phony relationship now. But then she didn't even have the decency to tell her ex (and current competition partner) Michael while they were hanging out backstage, and instead, she let the poor guy get blindsided on national television. She should thank her lucky stars that Michael isn't vindictive, because if he had screwed her out of half the prize, we wouldn't have blamed him one bit.
Oliver ("Project Runway")
First he claimed that he didn't want to work with fat people, in the most disgusted tone possible. Then he said that he didn't like boobs, and only liked it when models were flat and painfully thin. If that weren't enough, he claimed that he hated "having to deal with stupid little things" — like making clothing that actually fit his customer without giving her a wedgie. He spent the entire episode railing against the concept of dealing with clients, and then to make matters even worse, he continued sewing after time was up and forced the adorable Tim Gunn to raise his voice. Causing Tim to lose his cool? That's unforgivable.
Deena & Snooki ("Jersey Shore")
We couldn't just pick one of the meatballs, since they came as a pair. On a trip to a beautiful Italian beach, the ladies embarrassed themselves by getting wasted — during the day — and horrifying locals with tales of their vaginas. Speaking of which, later that night at the club, Deena forgot to wear underwear and repeatedly flashed everyone despite the many attempts by her roommates to get her to stop. Then the duo started rolling around on the ground and making out for "hours."
Debra ("Teen Mom")
Farrah's not the easiest girl to get along with, but still, Debra is so overbearing that even we want to rebel against her sometimes. This week, she seemed to give sound advice about thinking things through and not just up and moving without a plan, but then she whined like a child about how she'll miss her granddaughter. She even had the nerve to demand that Farrah leave her toddler with her for months at a time while she moved across the country. Even the family counselor looked appalled.
Deena and Snooki and their vagina monologues are the clear winner/losers here. They embarrassed not only themselves but also our entire nation. Also, Snooki had to explain things to her boyfriend and then not-drunkenly smashed her automobile (with a distracting Deena in tow) into an Italian cop car, forcing a policeman to be taken to the hospital. These two are an actual menace to international society.
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