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Covergirls, it is time for you to put the bass in your walk and put on your most sickening date-night outfit: Dance music diva/reality superstar RuPaul (yes, that RuPaul) is looking for a new girlfriend, and he's taken his quest for lady love online.
Apparently Ru finds it a drag to watch "RuPaul's Drag Race" (Season 5 of which premieres on Logo this Monday) at home alone, while the Pit Crew is presumably off doing the bar scene. So he is desperately seeking a Susan, or a gal pal by any other name, to accompany him on actual Monday night dates. Ru has even joined personals sites like Plenty Of Fish, Zoosk, Alikewise, and BlackSingles.com to help him find that one special girl (or two, or three) that will make him want to say, "Shante, you stay!" forever--or at least for as long as Season 5 of "Drag Race" is still in syndication.
Of course, a major concern for a celebrity like RuPaul, in this post-Manti Te'o day and age, is catfishing. Has that happened to him yet? Has he been catfished? "No, when I'm dressed in drag, I've been accused of being 'fishy' [a drag term for passing as a real woman], but never catfishy," laughs Ru, adding more seriously, "Liars make me sad."
So what made RuPaul decide to search for a female companion online? Ru exclusively tells Reality Rocks: "Because in person, women tend to be intimidated by a guy who's also a 6'7" blonde-and-bronze Glamazon. Personally, I don't get it."
And so, what would be Ru's dream date? What activities would he plan? "A perfect first date: hike, cake, TV," he says. "A hike, because it's easier to open up to someone when you don't have to look at each other. A visit to Sweet Lady Jane's--for a slice of their berry cake--because any girlfriend of mine has got to love to eat. And then home to watch 'RuPaul's Drag Race' on DVR. It avoids a lot of awkwardness later if she knows right off the bat what I do for a living!"
And what exactly is he looking for in a woman? "A great sense of humor. A great dancer. And if she happens to fit into a woman's size-XX shoe, it would be a match made in high-heel heaven!" As for how a prospective partner should dress on their date (to look as fabulous as Ru), he says: "I TRULY believe that beauty is from the inside-out. A woman catches my eye if what she's wearing reflects a curious mind and a generous soul."
However, says Ru on his Plenty Of Fish profile: "Anyone who wears false eyelashes between 9am and 5pm is a motherf%king genius in my book and if you wear a wig, hairpiece or merkin, I bow down to you. I believe white pumps are the sign of a true hooker." Ah, romance.
Does this sound like you? Are you the Glamazon/female phenomenon of RuPaul's dreams? Then beat your face, strap on those white pumps, and feel free to contact him online at any of the dating-site links above; Ru says he is legitimately reading his responses. (But remember, if you don't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?)
May the best WOMAN win. Catfishers need not apply.
And check out Reality Rocks' RuPaul interview at the recent "Drag Race" premiere soiree to find out what to expect from this coming "Drag Race" season: