8 Reasons Why "Dark Horse" Is Katy Perry's Best Video Ever

Katy Perry has made a lot of silly music videos in her life. But her latest for "Dark Horse" might just be our favorite. After checking out her stunning wardrobe, adorable guest stars, delicious snacks, and man-zapping abilities, being a modern Egyptian queen might just be our new teenage dream.

There have been plenty of comparisons to Michael Jackson's Egyptian-themed "Remember the Time" music video, right down to this clip's unimpressed queen. But none of the overlapping ideas are that original for either video. Still, we think Perry did Egypt in a way that only Katy can.

Why is this Katy Perry's best music video ever? Let us count the ways:

1. Jiff the Pomeranian! — No, sadly it wasn't the other insanely famous Internet Pomeranian you're thinking of, but Jiff is quickly growing his own million-plus fanbase. The fuzzy piece of doggy magic posted a photo with Ms. Perry on Valentine's Day, so we know it's him.

Not only is Jiff super-cute, but he actually earns his keeps by doing some sweet tricks — including skateboarding! Clearly, Perry wasn't just looking for a pretty face. A Jiff cameo alone is more than enough to make "Dark Horse" the best Katy Perry video ever. But wait, there's more.

2. Style and Silliness — Katy Perry is one of the utmost mistresses of balancing sexy and silly. But in "Dark Horse," she gives the video an extra potent dose of exceptional style. From her stenciled white wig to her gorgeous gold bodice, the singer appears to have walked straight off the runway, or maybe straight out of the West Hollywood Halloween parade. We would actually wear some of her pieces IRL.

As for the guys, besides Juicy J of course, the outfits are not so good. At all. But the all-powerful Perry knows how to deal with those fools:

3. Zapping Fools With Lightning — Don't lie; this is a power we all wish we could harness during a horrible date. Like the ultimate diva, Perry knows how to unleash the fury in "Dark Horse," where no one gets the opportunity to dissatisfy her twice. With a zap and a "Roar," she reduces less-than-awesome dudes into sand and puppies.

Let this be a warning, John Mayer!

4. SNACKS, YO — What better way to reign over ancient Egypt than demanding only the best in munchies, and a lot of them.

Katy's tower of Twinkies, cupcakes, and burgers and giant chalice of spicy Cheetos would get any competing sovereign flamin' hot with jealousy.

5. Next-Level Grill — Forget your run-of-the-mill diamond pave grills. Katy is like a horse: going for the big carats. Could be more impressive than having huge jewels jutting out of one's mouth?

6. Lowrider Chariot — Given that it has no hydraulics, Queen Perry's bouncing chariot is another benefit of possessing magic. And hello, those spinning rims? Even the real Cleopatra would be impressed.

7. The Pimp Cup That Out-Pimps All Pimp Cups — Do we even need to make an argument for this one?

8. DAFT PUNK PYRAMID WHAAAAT — OMG Queen Perry, do you know the robots?? Can we come hang out with you guys? PLZKTHX.

8a. OK, just one more of Jiff.

The only gripe we have about Katy Perry's video is that there are no cats! Hello, what other human civilization revered cats more than we do now? Your fans are Katycats, for Jiff's sake!

Watch "Dark Horse" and think of some more reasons why this is the best Katy Perry video ever.

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