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Immediately following the announcement that Caitlyn Jenner would be awarded the Arthur Ashe Courage Award at this year's ESPYs, there was quite the backlash. Add to that the fact that this was to be Caitlyn's first time speaking about her transition to a massive audience and it's pretty understandable that there were a couple butterflies before she hit the stage.
In a new blog entry, Jenner talks about the lead-up to the ceremony and her feelings about the big night.
"Hi friends. What a week," Jenner begins. "Let me just start by saying, I'm so happy it's over! What a relief."
Jenner goes on to detail the stressful process of getting ready for an awards show appearance like this one, which involved two separate fittings with Donatella Versace's head dressmaker and essentially a full day of hair and makeup on the day of.
Jenner also shares some of her other fears about the night, which run the gamut from tripping on her dress to reading off the teleprompter.
"Reading my speech off of the teleprompter was a whole other story," Jenner writes. "As a dyslexic kid, my biggest fear in life was to go in front of the class and read because I just wasn’t very good at it — and that stays with you through your whole life."
Jenner also thanks her children — most of whom were at the ceremony — for their support, but says that looking out into the crowd at them was an emotional moment for her.
"The toughest part in the speech was my kids," Jenner writes. "It was hard to look over there and see all of my children. As I said in the speech, I don't want to hurt anybody. I just want to be myself. I barely got through that."
Then Jenner, who has been admirably transparent throughout her transition, talks a little about where she feels she is on her journey.
"While I felt like I looked great and that the gown looked fabulous, I still have a voice issue," Jenner writes. "It's not quite right compared to my feminine appearance. That bothers me a little bit. However, I hope that people don’t listen to the pitch of my voice, but listen to what I have to say. That’s important to me."
You can read Caitlyn's full blog post here.