Right after Demi Moore's announcement last fall that she was separating from husband of six years Ashton Kutcher, the media began focusing on something other than Kutcher's reported infidelities, the moving trucks at their home, and the couple's separate appearances. What started making headlines was the fact that Moore was looking painfully thin. In the February issue of Harper's Bazaar, the perennially petite Moore admits that, indeed, she's become seriously skinny lately. But she's accepted how she looks, even if the public hasn't, she tells the mag, "and that includes not just my weight but all of the things that come with your changing body as you age to now experiencing my body as extremely thin -- thin in a way that I never imagined somebody would be saying to me, 'You're too thin, and you don't look good,' " the 49-year-old actress says.
Like many women, getting to a state of "acceptance" about her body image wasn't easy. "I have had a love-hate relationship with my body," she explains. "When I'm at the greatest odds with my body, it's usually because I feel my body's betraying me, whether that's been in the past, struggling with my weight and feeling that I couldn't eat what I wanted to eat, or that I couldn't get my body to do what I wanted it to do."
Moore also (kind of) addresses her split in the interview. "I used to think that what scared me was the idea of being abandoned until someone said to me, 'Only children can be abandoned. Adults can't be abandoned because we have a choice. Children don't have a choice.'"So I started to rethink," Moore notes. "'Okay, it's not that. What's the underlying thread that really scares me?' I think what scares me is not having the courage to reach my full potential."
And with three failed marriages behind her (Moore was previously married for four years to musician Freddy Moore and for 13 years to Bruce Willis, with whom she had three daughters), the "G.I. Jane" actress reveals another big fear.
"I would say what scares me is that I'm going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I'm really not lovable, that I'm not worthy of being loved," Moore reveals. "That there's something fundamentally wrong with me."
The February issue of Harper's Bazaar hits newsstands on January 17.