Billie Eilish Opens Up About Overcoming 'Anger' Towards Herself: 'My Body Was Gaslighting Me'
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Image Press Agency/NurPhoto/Shutterstock Billie Eilish
Billie Eilish is getting real about her younger self and the animosity she felt over her physical appearance.
Speaking to Vogue for their first-ever video cover, the "Bad Guy" singer, 21, told the fashion outlet how she developed body positivity after being in a darker place when she was growing up.
"Going through my teenage years of hating myself and all that stupid s---," she began, "a lot of it came from my anger towards my body, and how mad I was at how much pain it's caused me, and what I've lost because of things that happened to it."
"I felt like my body was gaslighting me for years," she admitted.
To get to the other side of those feelings, the Los Angeles native said she "had to go through a process of being like, my body is actually me. And it's not out to get me."
In "My Future" — Eilish's first single from her second album last year, Happier Than Ever — the musician wrote about self-love. "I'm in love with my future / can't wait to meet her," she sings in the song's chorus, with hope.
Not only does Eilish feel better inward, but she tries to be more conscious of her outward expression as well. The Grammy winner, who wore Balmain for her cover look, explained that she does her part to help better the planet, particularly with her clothing choices.
"I don't want to be parading around like, Look at me! I'm making a difference. I just want to be making the difference and shutting the f--- up about it," she said, noting that she also refuses to fly private.
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"I shouldn't be making any products. I shouldn't be selling anything. It's just more s--- to go into the landfill one day. I know that. But no one's going to stop wearing clothes. No one's going to stop making stuff. So I just do it in the best way I possibly can."
Mike Mills for Vogue
The artist, who invited young climate activists and organizers to join her for a conversation about the planet, also said it was "thrilling" to talk with a group her age who share the same beliefs and are "so smart."
"They're my age and they're doing so much. It made me really, really, really hopeful," she expressed in the video, which was filmed by Academy Award-nominated writer-director Mike Mills.
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During a time when she was not as hopeful, Eilish, nearly 18 at the time, expressed the more negative feelings she was having, saying that people who theorize that she wears over-sized shorts and T-shirts as a way to desexualize herself are "missing the point."
"The point is not: Hey, let's go slut-shame all these girls for not dressing like Billie Eilish," the then-teen told Elle. "It makes me mad. I have to wear a big shirt for you not to feel uncomfortable about my boobs!"
RELATED: Billie Eilish Explains Why She Covers Her Chest
Eilish said her breasts have been an issue for as long as she can remember, which is why she chose to always cover them.
"I was recently FaceTiming a close friend of mine who's a dude, and I was wearing a tank top," she said. "He was like, 'Ugh, put a shirt on!' And I said, 'I have a shirt on.' Someone with smaller boobs could wear a tank top, and I could put on that exact tank top and get slut-shamed because my boobs are big. That is stupid. It's the same shirt!"
"I'm gonna be a woman," Eilish had vowed, to embrace her curves. "I wanna show my body."
