Billie Eilish’s ‘L‘Amour de Ma Vie’ Lyrics Seem to be a Breakup Letter to Jesse Rutherford, With a Plot Twist

Billie Eilish seems to delve into the feelings about her breakup from Jesse Rutherford throughout her new album, HIT ME HARD AND SOFT. But perhaps the track that most explores Rutherford’s place in her life is “L’Amour de Ma Vie,” which is French for “the love of my life.”

In the two-part song, Eilish first explores her feelings toward her partner post-breakup. She retracts her declaration that they’re the love of her life and explores the aftermath of that breakup, including the betrayal she felt when they moved on so quickly.

The second part puts a twist on the traditional breakup song, as she shares her reconnection with her partner’s other ex, particularly in verses, “Wanna know what I told her / With her hand on my shoulder? / You were so mediocre / And we’re so glad it’s over now” and “Caught on camera / The girls on camera / Your girl’s a fan of— / Miss me / Say you miss me / It’s such a pity / We’re both so pretty.”

So how is the song about Rutherford? And which ex of his is she singing about? Here’s some context on their history.

Eilish was first linked to Rutherford in fall 2022. She confirmed they were dating that October and went Instagram official on Halloween. She gushed about him to Vanity Fair in an interview filmed that same month: “I managed to get my way to a point in my life where I not only was known by a person that I thought was the hottest fucking fucker alive, but pulled his ass,” she said. “Are you kidding me? Can we just—round of applause for me? Thank you. Jesse Rutherford, everyone! I pulled his ass—all me! I did that shit. I locked that motherfucker down.”

Their relationship endured until spring 2023. Eilish’s rep shut down speculation of Rutherford cheating on May 17 and said, “We can confirm Billie and Jesse did split amicably and remain good friends.”

The ex-girlfriend Eilish is singing about is likely Devon Lee Carlson. Rutherford and Carlson dated from 2015 t0 2021, Entertainment Tonight reported.

Eilish also appears to sing about Carlson on track “Wildflower.” She suggests in that track they were friends before Eilish dated Rutherford, and that caused her enormous guilt while with Rutherford. (Eilish’s title could be seen itself as a nod to Carlson, as Carlson has a company called Wildflower Cases.)

While on Halloween 2022, Eilish went Instagram official with Rutherford, a year later, she made headlines for her surprise moment with Carlson.

On October 28, 2023, Eilish and Carlson were photographed holding hands at a Halloween party, which may be what Eilish is referring to in the second part of the song (particularly in the “caught on camera” verse).

If anything, “L’Amour de Ma Vie” explores the depth of what Eilish felt as a major romance in her life ended, along with the comfort she received from reconnecting with her ex’s ex as they both moved forward.

Eilish is very warm toward her ex-partner in the chorus of “L’Amour de Ma Vie.” That is echoed in the way she spoke about Rutherford in her April cover story with Rolling Stone, via Billboard. Rolling Stone published what she said about him today. “That’s my guy, truly one of my favorite people in the world,” she said. She also joked about her lack of desire to date, saying, “I plan on never dating again. That’s not true, obviously. But no, I don’t see myself being serious with anyone until I find someone that really feels right to me, and that is not interesting to me right now.”

Here, the lyrics of “L’Amour de Ma Vie” and the song below:

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