Big Screen Blues: The Worst Movies of 2023

Stephanie Holland
·5 min read
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Photo: Netflix
Photo: Netflix
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No matter how hard the studio tries, sometimes a film just doesn’t cut the mustard. Whether it’s an unnecessary sequel, a rom-com lacking any romance or comedy or a scary movie with no thrills, we suffered through quite a few duds this year. With the exception of one shockingly bad release, we’re strictly going after big budget blockbusters that had every advantage needed to be a hit. So join us for a bit of fun as we look back at the worst movies of 2023.

The Flash

It wasn’t just Ezra Miller’s off screen controversies that made “The Flash” a failure. It was the horrible special effects and total waste of Michael Keaton’s return as Batman. Seriously, you could’ve just given us his story and left out all of the time gravel nonsense.

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It’s never a good sign when your title character is the least interesting person in the movie. Just to be clear: We don’t need more Shazam DC.

You People

This Eddie Murphy, Jonah Hill comedy wanted to be so smart about interracial relationships, but every part of it was awkward and cringey. Plus, Nia Long was criminally underused. Murphy also released a movie where the 12 Days of Christmas came to life, and this was somehow worse.

Magic Mike’s Last Dance

In a year overflowing with unnecessary sequels, this one may have been the worst. Not even Channing Tatum’s considerable charm could save this poorly paced, boring mess.

The Last Voyage of the Demeter

If you’re going to make a Dracula movie in 2023, you could try and do something a little different with it. Yes, this time the victims were trapped on a boat with the infamous vampire, but if we can tell who’s going to be killed and in what order, that takes all the scariness out of your horror movie. It’s awesome to see Corey Hawkins lead a big studio movie, but this didn’t do his talents justice.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

No matter how hard Marvel Studios tries, Ant-Man is never going to be considered a major hero. Paul Rudd is great at being the charming comic relief, but Scott Lang doesn’t have the draw to carry his own stories. It didn’t help that Kang was a much more fascinating character and we wanted to know more about him and his variants. Of course, Jonathan Majors’ recent guilty verdict in his assault trial makes the movie even harder to get through now.

Rebel Moon Part 1: A Child of Fire

If you’ve seen “Star Wars” or any version of the “plucky rebels defeat the powerful army” story, you don’t need to sit through Zack Snyder’s latest Netflix offering. And let’s assume you also don’t need to watch the upcoming sequel.

Expend4bles

No one has ever said, “You know what will help jumpstart our faltering franchise, add 50 Cent.” Honestly, this storyline couldn’t have been more predictable if you’d read the script beforehand. Can we all agree that it’s past time to stop it with these movies already!

Shotgun Wedding

How do you mess up a rom-com co-starring Lenny Kravitz? The man literally oozes sex appeal and charm. Also, how do you put Lenny Kravitz in a rom-com and have your leading lady choose someone else? This Jennifer Lopez film lacked both rom and com.

Vacation Friends 2

The first outing was a surprisingly fun romp that played on the best comedic qualities of the entire cast. The follow up did a terrible disservice to Lil Rel Howery and Yvonne Orji, giving them cringey jokes that landed like a lead balloon.

Fast X

It’s not that “Fast X” is a bad movie, it’s that the film showcases how the franchise as a whole has become a parody of itself. Producers are definitely using a “Fast & Furious” checklist when they make these movies, and that’s not exactly bad. However, it’s not necessarily good either. By the way, if characters keep coming back from the dead, you can’t pull the “emotional sacrifice” scene anymore.

Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey

The classic children’s character Winnie the Pooh became public domain in 2023, which opened up the world to this blasphemous horror movie featuring the Hundred Acre Wood favorites going on a bloody rampage. Not only was this unnecessary, you didn’t even do anything interesting with it. To quote Dr. Ian Malcolm in “Jurassic Park,” you “were so preoccupied with whether or not you could, you didn’t stop to think if you should.” Apparently, no one cares how shockingly inappropriate this is because a sequel is in the works.

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