Bekah Martinez is getting honest about her decision to seek a nanny after having weekly "breakdowns" from feeling overwhelmed balancing work and parenting.
The Bachelor alum, 26, shares two kids — daughter Ruth Ray De La Luz, 2, and 8-month-old son Franklin James — with boyfriend Grayston Leonard. On top of her various work projects and her college coursework, Martinez admits that she's recently felt increasingly overwhelmed.
"Basically all of 2021 so far I've pretty much had a breakdown every week. I just feel like I'm spread so thin and something's gotta give," she said on her Instagram Story Tuesday. "It feels like I'm always neglecting something."
As a result, she says she realized it's okay to ask for help, and she posted a listing seeking a part-time nanny to pitch in with looking after her little ones. Martinez explains that Leonard works 40 hours a week at his fitness center, and his parents sometimes travel to be with Ruth and Franklin once a week.
"I came to the realization that I'm not superwoman. It's also really hard to come to that realization because it's hard to realize that I need help," Martinez says. "Especially right now, what I need help with is my kids. And it's really hard for me to admit that."
Martinez adds that, having once worked as a nanny before becoming a mom, she never expected that she herself would "want or need help with my kids."
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"I think that was a little bit of a superiority complex," she says of her old way of thinking about nannies. "The other day I had a moment that just really hurt my heart, where I was taking a walk with Ruth, and I'd left my phone at home, and we were just enjoying every little tiny moment."
"I was like, 'Damn, this is what I used to do when I was a nanny for other people's kids. And I don't even have the time right now to enjoy my own kids,' " she told her followers. "Like, I want to nanny for my kids! I want to spend quality time with my kids like I did with the kids that I nannied for."
She said that realization "hit me like a ton of bricks," so much so that she told herself that she has the "privilege and the resources" to get help with the kids "a couple days a week."
"They deserve to have someone's undivided attention, and you deserve time to get your s--- done that you need to get done," says Martinez.
In a "big step" for herself, she and Leonard posted an ad for a nanny for three days a week — and she adds that they may have found the perfect candidate.
"I'm really excited," the mom of two says, adding, "Still feeling guilty and kind of feeling like s--- about it, but I think it's a good step in the right direction of letting go my control. And hopefully taking stress off my plate and hopefully, I don't know, giving my kids something special too."
Wrapping up her message to fellow parents, Martinez says that moms and dads don't have to have as many demands as she does to feel "validated" in their parenting struggles.
"I understand. And I know that it's f---ing hard. And I see you," she says. "Don't you dare tell yourself, like, 'Oh, this person is doing this, this and that, and they're doing it. And I can't even do just this and this.' That is bulls---. Do not tell yourself that."
Sharing a supportive DM she received about revealing her decision to seek childcare assistance, Martinez adds that the notion that moms often feel the need to handle everything solo stems from "deeply internalized misogynistic ideas that a mother should be everything for her children."
"it's NOT normal to do it alone," she wrote. "... this isolated experience is not normal and we need help."