Because Trump Has The Diet Of A Five-Year-Old, His Doctor Hid Vegetables In His Food

From Esquire

In yet more evidence that Donald Trump is a five-year-old trapped in the bloated, Cheeto-hued body of an 85-year-old, his former doctor has revealed that he had to hide vegetables in the president's food because his preferred diet was so unhealthy. Reports that Melania also had to get Trump to eat his broccoli by pretending it was a choo-choo train are, at this time, unconfirmed.

In an interview with the New York Times, ex-presidential physician Ronny Jackson – who once claimed the Donald had "incredible genes" and could have "lived to 200" if he wasn't mainlining junk food – had to be tricked into eating stuff that wasn't deep-fried or sugar-coated.

"We were working on his diet," Jackson said, revealing that this toddler-tested method became medical Plan A after efforts to get President Trump to exercise proved futile. "We were making the ice cream less accessible, we were putting cauliflower into the mashed potatoes.”

These drastic measures became necessary after Trump gained four pounds between his first two presidential medicals.

The move is understandable, since the president's dietary habits have never been exactly healthy. The NYT once labelled him the "fast food president" thanks to a predilection for McDonald's that stretches back to his property developing days. As he once told Anderson Cooper at a town hall event during the 2016 election, "The Big Macs are great. The Quarter Pounder. It’s great stuff."

While campaigning for president, Trump's anti-foodie stance was broadcast on social media, to differentiate him from the fine dining elites he was running against. But that image certainly isn't manufactured. A former butler once revealed that Trump liked his steak so well done that "it would rock on the plate." Supposedly this cooking technique extends to his restaurants – Vanity Fair's review of Trump Grill labelled it "the worst restaurant in American", partly thanks to its kitchen knocking out steaks that were "overcooked and mealy".

Despite Jackson's best efforts to improve Trump's diet, it seems his culinary sleight-of-hand didn't take. The doctor left the White House in December, after struggling to explain away accusations of drunkenness and the mishandling of prescription drugs. Those allegations kiboshed his nomination to run the veterans affairs department.

Presumably, Jackson's absence means that Trump is back to his standard diet of burgers, fries, ice cream and unadulterated mash. Here's hoping no one else is putting strange stuff in his food.

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