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Tim Mosenfelder/Getty Images; DPR Beanie and Jordan Feldstein
Beanie Feldstein is paying tribute to her older brother, Jordan, on what would have been his 43rd birthday.
Jordan, who is also the brother of Jonah Hill, passed away unexpectedly at the age of 40 from a pulmonary embolism in December 2017. He managed Maroon 5 and Robin Thicke.
The Booksmart star shared a sweet photo of herself as a toddler with Jordan on her Instagram page on Friday, writing in the caption, "Happy birthday, jord. i love you so much."
“It cannot be contained or summarized or enclosed,” Feldstein wrote. “To describe the wound grief leaves if you have not experienced it is to come to it hazy and out of focus.”
“About a year ago, Jordan Feldstein passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly. He was a remarkably generous, intelligent, loving person. He was an incredible father, beloved by his boys,” Feldstein continued. “He was a deeply devoted son. He was a brilliant creative mind. And he was my biggest brother. He gave me so many things, including my name.”
She wrote, “In this past year, I have learned an immeasurable amount about the bandwidth of my own heart. The pain is so unbearable at times, so unremitting. Yet, in addition to the deluge of feelings leaking out of me at all times, I have found the process of grief (because it is and will always be a process, never finished, never concluded) to be just as resonant in my mind as it is in my heart.”
The Lady Bird actress described grief as wearing a pair of glasses that she can never take off.
“And these glasses make me see the world differently than I did before. The colors bleed together more vividly. But they are somehow more than they ever were before. More visceral. More vibrant. More present. Simultaneously more awe-inspiring and more aching,” she wrote. “Sometimes I can push the glasses to the end of my nose so I can peer over them to see the world the way I used to see. But I can only see over or around to my old perspective. I can never see it totally as it was ever again.”
After Jordan’s death in December 2017, a representative for the family told PEOPLE in a statement, “Unfortunately, last night Jordan called 911 for shortness of breath, when paramedics arrived it was determined he went into full cardiac arrest and passed away shortly thereafter.”
Jordan was married twice, once to Clint Eastwood’s daughter Francesca (though the marriage, in 2013, was annulled after a week).