Beanie Feldstein Honors Late Brother Jordan on His Birthday: 'Grief Is Unrelenting and It's Every Single Day'

"It’s impossible to describe how much you miss someone when they are taken from you," she wrote

Beanie Feldstein is remembering her late brother Jordan Feldstein on what would have been his 46th birthday.

Jordan, a music talent manager who worked with Maroon 5 and other artists, died Dec. 22, 2017, at age 40 from a pulmonary embolism.

On Monday, Beanie honored him, writing on Instagram, "happy birthday, jord. i love you so much. my biggest brother, my protector."

"when he would come home from college, i was only a toddler, and i would slip Candyland under his door and wait outside for him and Dana to get up and play it with me," the Booksmart actress recalled.

Beanie, 30, wrote that "grief is unrelenting and it’s every single day, not just the birthdays and anniversaries, although they seem to sting and burn a little more fervently."

"this year, volunteering with @experiencecamps for the first time, i saw my brother in every story, every camper, every campfire," she continued. "it’s impossible to describe how much you miss someone when they are taken from you. but jord loved kids, i know because i was his kid sister."

She concluded, "i feel proud to continue that connection in his honor every year and help grieving children across the country find a safe place to grieve. happy 46th, jord."

Related: Jonah Hill Reflects on Brother's Death in Wake of Kobe Bryant Loss: 'They're Hustling Up There'

Last year, Feldstein told The Cut that she and her other brother, actor Jonah Hill, have a "very, very deep connection" after the death of their sibling.

"He's my best friend. We are very close. And we lost our brother, so we have a very, very deep connection, and he's like one of the most important people in my whole life, and being his sister is like my greatest joy," she said at the time.

In a 2019 essay for InStyle, Beanie reflected on grief and said the "pain is so unbearable at times" and "I have found the process of grief (because it is and will always be a process, never finished, never concluded) to be just as resonant in my mind as it is in my heart."

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She said she “unwillingly” found herself as a member of “a new club” she wished didn’t exist.

“It is a club full of suffering and questioning but is also a community of people that have a truly broadened perspective on the human experience. And if you are also in the club, please know you are not alone, because I am also a begrudging member,” she wrote at the time. “And while I wish I could rip my grief glasses off my face and have it all be a dream, I try to recognize what the glasses have given me: that unique blend of humanity that is simultaneously the darkest dark and the brightest bright.”

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