Bad Cinderella review: Andrew Lloyd Webber's new musical is bibbidi-bobbidi-basic
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Andrew Lloyd Webber's Bad Cinderella is not nearly as bad as it would like you to believe. After a complicated West End run, which was heavily impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic, the musical mastermind behind Jesus Christ Superstar, Cats, and Phantom of the Opera has brought his freshly-revised retelling of the beloved Disneyfied folktale to the Imperial Theatre on Broadway. However, even with its crystalline heels, the show certainly hasn't found its footing.
On paper, Bad Cinderella has all the makings of a theatrical triumph. It features compositions from Webber, lyrics from Tony and Olivier Award winner David Zippel, and Academy Award winner Emerald Fennell (Promising Young Woman) serves as its book writer. Prior to crossing the pond, the book received additional revisions from Alexis Scheer (Our Dear Dead Drug Lord), but nothing could save its overall storyline from slowly and sadly disintegrating like a pumpkin carriage after midnight.
Directed by Laurence Connor (who helmed the West End production), Bad Cinderella reimagines its titular, hardworking heroine (Linedy Genao) as a plucky wild child that is demonized by the beauty-obsessed residents of Belleville because she defiantly wears swamp green in the face of their vibrant hues. On the one-year anniversary of Prince Charming's disappearance, the Queen (the dazzling Grace McLean) decides that it's time her "human sleeping pill" of a son Prince Sebastian (Jordan Dobson) — who happens to be Cinderella's secret childhood bestie — finally fills his highly-revered brother's boots and picks a wife. Cue: one very swanky ball, two very upset best friends, and lots and lots of gratuitous, gluteus butt wiggles.
Matthew Murphy and Evan Zimmerman The cast of 'Bad Cinderella'
Though she appears confident and unapologetic in song, Cinderella is strangely passive and has little to no sense of personal agency throughout the show, often allowing others to simply tell her that she can't attend the ball, or leave town, or that she's actually been in love with Prince Sebastian this entire time. Despite Genao's best efforts to bring a secretly soft vulnerability to the character's brash nature, Cinderella often operates out of spite rather than her own self-interests and agonizes over every decision she makes. The only thing that feels concrete is her staunch rejection of the town's beauty standards, which is why it is both jarring and confusing when she later decides to transform into a pretty princess in order to vie for Sebastian's affections — especially given that he's praised her eccentricities beforehand.
Sebastian similarly suffers from a one-track mind and cloudy goals. It's revealed early on that he has a crush on Cinderella ("So Long"), but he continues to lament over his lost love for three additional songs ("So Long (Reprise)," "Only You, Lonely You," and again in "Final Scene") instead of digging deeper into his thoughts on being forced to fulfill his brother's legacy, his complicated relationship with his mother, his feelings on becoming king, or even his dreams for the future. Pigeonholing him into 'Man Who Likes Cinderella and Literally Only Cinderella' is disappointing, especially since Dobson imbues the socially awkward princeling with real heart.
Herein lies Bad Cinderella's biggest problem: like its protagonists, it doesn't know what it wants to be. At times, it's an ominous cautionary tale of how the beauty industry — led by the Fairy Godmother (Christina Acosta Robinson), who excitedly waves a syringe instead of a wand — preys on insecurities and coerces others to conform to its unrealistic standards. At others, it's a critique on how fairytale endings don't actually exist, only for the show to culminate in its own highly dramatic happily ever after. And, at its best, it's a hilariously campy romp that doesn't take itself seriously in the slightest.
Matthew Murphy and Evan Zimmerman Linedy Genao and Jordan Dobson in 'Bad Cinderella'
Instead, it's the Queen and the wicked Stepmother (Carolee Carmello) who are the true rulers of Bad Cinderella and, honestly, long may they reign. McLean is sensational as the glittering, gluttonous matriarch who will gleefully shut down hospitals and orphanages if it means that her champagne taps are still flowing, while Carmello's Stepmother is cunning, conniving, and wildly dramatic in all of the best ways. The pair's delightful battle of wits, "I Know You," is a true masterclass in talent and comedic timing as they seamlessly volley witty retorts back and forth through clenched teeth and forced smiles. Consider it Webber's Wimbledon.
The show's set design, lighting, and choreography are all equally impressive too. Scenic and costume designer Gabriela Tylesova effortlessly brings Prince Sebastian's ball to life with flickering candelabras, decorative bunting artfully draped from high columns, and glittering gemstone gowns that catch the light just right whenever the show's all-star ensemble spins and twirls as part of JoAnn M. Hunter's romantic dance routine. Behind them, lighting designer Bruno Poet evokes a dreamy atmosphere with a sky full of shimmering stars.
Its music, however, is a bit more hit and miss — kind of like Cinderella's aim whenever she lobs one of her crystal chaussures at Sebastian's head (seriously, those shoes can take a punch!). While Webber's orchestrations are plush and gorgeous, especially in the Queen's hypermasculine ode to her lost son "Man's Man," some of the other tracks fall flat with unnecessary rhymes that feel forced and awkward (see: rhyming "cup" with "nup… tials"). Zippel also makes the executive decision to rhyme "Cinderella" with "Salmonella" which I will personally never forgive nor forget.
Matthew Murphy and Evan Zimmerman Grace McLean in 'Bad Cinderella'
Still, there are moments of genius too. Genao's performance of "I Know I Have a Heart (Because You Broke It)" is poignant, commanding, and a real moment of reckoning for her character, while Dobson's soaring vocals during "Only You, Lonely You" are top-tier and successfully show off Sebastian's softer side beneath his so-called "boring" exterior.
Yes, Bad Cinderella is a lot. Yes, it has talk of "pick me girls" and shirtless men selling hot buns. Yes, there is a twist within its finale that is so wildly absurd and hilarious that the audience began shrieking at the top of its lungs when they registered exactly was happening onstage. It's silly, certain parts definitely do not work, and it ends extremely abruptly, but it's also (fairly) family-friendly and something that I would've totally geeked out on as a young teen — or, at the very least, its subsequent memeification online. So ignore the naysayers, Bad Cinderella is bad, but that's kind of what makes it good. B–
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