The Bachelor episode 2 rewatch: Alex gets his hands dirty
Welcome back to my Bachelor quarantine rewatch, rose lovers! (For those of you just joining us, season 1 of The Bachelor is streaming for free on Tubi TV.)
Week two of Alex’s “journey” begins with the ladies moving into their new home.
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Nope, never going to get used to calling it that. Chris Harrison summons the women to the very echoey living room for their very first debriefing. “As of today, you’re starting a dating process, so the only communication you’re going to have with Alex is during your Fantasy Dates, which we’ve planned for you,” he explains.
And now for the really dumb news: If any of the ladies want to leave a “private” message for the Bachelor, they can head over to the “journal room” and record a video for him. “It is very important that you speak from the heart,” adds Harrison, “because Alex will view this message right before he makes his decision during the next Invitation Night.”
So to review, rose lovers: In season 1 of The Bachelor, “dates” were called “Fantasy Dates,” the women had access to a “Journal Room,” and the rose ceremony was called “Invitation Night.” This is all very disorienting.
And it gets even crazier! All group dates have only five women, and the date card arrives in this:
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The women rush the box, racing to be the first to open it and read the list of names. Inside they find what looks like poker chips and some Elvis Presley-looking sunglasses. “Vegas!” shrieks one of the women. Okay, Angelique, LaNease, Shannon, Christina and Katie, go get your glam on! Wow, I guess leather pants were really a thing in 2002.
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“You guys look fantastic!” says Alex as he meets the women at the private jet. “A lot of leather!” Though the Bachelor is a bit nervous about figuring out the “etiquette” of a six-person date, he’s about to find out how it works. Rose lovers, I give you the first-ever Bachelor steal, courtesy of Angelique!
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The other women are taken aback, and you can’t really blame them — it’s not like they’ve had previous seasons of the show to watch. “Angelique definitely scored points by dragging me away,” says Alex. “When I’m with all five girls it’s a lot of fun, but it is actually harder to make a direct connection.”
Though today’s Bachelor group dates usually involve some kind of sports competition (is pillow fighting a sport? don’t answer that), but since this date is in Vegas, producers are letting the women gamble for Alex’s heart. The women, each armed with $10,000 in chips, head to the blackjack table — and whoever has the most money after 20 minutes gets a private gondola ride with Alex.
“I think I wanted Angelique to win,” admits Alex, who is itching to kiss the redheaded actress. But it’s LaNease who gets the W, and a series of smooches from the Bachelor.
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These two have approximately zero chemistry, but Alex has nothing but nice things to say about LaNease. She’s a “good kisser,” he notes. Plus, “she’s one of the savvier, more cosmopolitan, more intelligent women in the group.” With that, the date is over, and the group heads back to Los Angeles. A day trip to Las Vegas? That seems exhausting.
Fantasy date No. 2 is definitely more my speed: A spa day in Palm Springs. Trista, Angela, Melissa, Amy, Amanda and Alex take a luxury bus to the desert — and then this happens:
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Group mud bath time! Angela uses the time to make small talk, asking Alex if he would divorce his wife if he found out she had cheated. The Bachelor is clearly uncomfortable talking about anything resembling reality, so tries to deflect: “Angela, you’re making me sweat in the mud bath!” But the other “ladies” aren’t rattled. Trista tells the group that she has been cheated on before, and then asks Alex if he’s ever cheated. “I… um… have,” he admits. Of course, he tries to qualify it, like, It was during Semester at Sea, so it didn’t count!
The women stare at Alex in silence for a few seconds, before Trista breaks the tension by laughing at him good-naturedly. Then they all take a group shower.
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“Amanda has an absolutely rockin’ body,” gushes Alex. “I first thought she was the kind of person who has this body and doesn’t even realize it and wouldn’t know what to do with it. I think that’s wrong.” First of all, “wouldn’t know what to do with it”? What kind of condescending toxic male bulls--- is that? And guess what, Alex — you are very wrong. This woman owns a sex trapeze!
On the bus ride home, Angela — whose eye got irritated by soap or mud or something during the spa date — puts on her sunglasses and takes a nap. Melissa, who wants to have some one-on-one time with the Bachelor, decides to pull Alex aside for an up-close-and-personal chat.
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“She’s a little pushy,” snipes Amy. “It just kind of disgusted me,” adds Amanda. But they really have no reason to worry; Melissa totally squanders her time with Alex by talking to him about how “everyone” thinks he’s going to choose Trista in the end. Indeed, the Bachelor does have a crush on Trista — but after his chat with Melissa, he doesn’t want to “add insult to injury” by pulling her aside for a bus chat. Never fear, my queen — your time will come.
The last group date of the week goes to Alexa, Rhonda, Kim, Cathy, and Tina. They’re headed for a cruise around Santa Barbara, but first, the limo needs to make a pit stop.
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At the “random gas station,” the gang buys ice cream sandwiches and lotto tickets. “There’s all this glamour going on, but he’s all about buying scratch-offs and hoping we win the lottery and sharing an ice cream sandwich with me,” says Alexa. “That was great.” (Alex also takes a minute to call Angela, who’s still recovering from her spa-date eye trauma, because producers thought it would make him look like a gentleman and make the other women jealous.)
Now, time to hit the high seas! While they’re enjoying a trip on the luxury sailing yacht, the ladies seem determined to trash-talk Cathy, who they think is too young for the Bachelor. “I love Cathy to death, don’t get me wrong,” Tina says to Alex. “But Cathy’s 22. You know, Cathy is not at the age where I think she can understand some of the things that you’ve been through.” Kim the nanny can’t figure out what “a younger girl” like Cathy could even have in common with a 31-year-old man — but little does she know, Cathy and Alex both like to swim!
Good Lord, what the hell kind of sailing date is this?
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Rhonda knows how to shoot a gun. Alex also thinks she’s the “best wife material” out of all the women on the date. Coincidence? I think not.
All right, rose lovers, it’s that time.
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Nope. Not calling the mansion “the Villa,” and not calling the rose ceremony “invitation night.” But one thing hasn’t changed: We’re barely a week into the season, and women are already spiraling. Shannon, for one, tells Alex that he somehow made all of the ladies feel special, and as a result, “I don’t feel special anymore at all.” Shannon, how can you not feel special right now? You’re literally wearing Alex’s jacket!
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I guess producers didn’t institute that no-jacket-sharing rule until later.
After Harrison breaks up the party with his Butter Knife of Bad News, he takes Alex to the “deliberation room,” where there are 15 video messages from the ladies queued up for him on the ol’ VCR.
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Most of the messages are like, “Super excited to get to know you more,” and so on, but one woman actually says, “I’m hoping the next experience I have with you will be actually no cameras involved.” Girl, where the actual hell do you think you are?
On to the rose ceremony roll call! Wait, are the women sitting down?
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Chilling. Anyhow, here’s who will be sticking around another week: Shannon, Amanda, Cathy, Rhonda, Christina (who’s rocking a turtleneck for the occasion), Kim, Trista, and… hey, here’s Chris Harrison to announce the “last rose tonight,” on camera, for the very first time!
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The final rose goes to LaNease, meaning that tonight we must say goodbye to Angelique, Angela, Melissa, Katie, Amy, perhaps Alex wants to keep that letter for himself. Who can say?
Two down, five to go, rose lovers! (That’s right – in season 1, each episode was only 1 hour long, and there were only seven episodes total.) Are you enjoying this retro recap of the first-ever Bachelor “journey”? I, for one, am still a little creeped out by how different things were back then — which is ridiculous because I watched this season when it happened. Let me know your thoughts below, and I’ll see you back here next week for more rose-colored nostalgia.
The Bachelor season 1 is streaming on Tubi TV.
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