Anthony Rapp Thought Having a Baby 'Just Wasn't Gonna Happen' Before Welcoming Son with Ken Ithiphol
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Anthony Rapp is enjoying his first days of fatherhood.
The former Rent star, 51, and fiancé Ken Ithiphol welcomed their first baby, son Rai Larson Ithiphol, last month — and Rapp tells PEOPLE that his heart has opened "so much more" since the couple met the newest addition to their family.
"My heart grew so much when he was born. There were ways that I felt about this little being that I didn't even know I would feel — I thought I would feel — but then to experience it is so profound," he explains.
Following baby Rai's arrival on Dec. 2, Rapp introduced followers to the couple's gestational surrogate, Nikki, who carried the couple's son, and thanked her for "profoundly" transforming their lives.
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RELATED: Anthony Rapp Welcomes Baby Boy Rai Larson with Fiancé Ken Ithiphol: 'Our Family Has Grown!'
Before Rai's birth, Rapp thought the opportunity to become a father may have passed him by, he tells PEOPLE.
"It's something that I had thought about a long time ago, [but], you know, any relationships that I was in, it just wasn't gonna happen," he explains. "And at a certain point I thought, well, it's probably passed me by. But then with Ken, it was something that he had really wanted. And I was like, 'Are you sure you want [this]? I'm getting a little older. Is that gonna be okay?' And he was like, 'No, absolutely.'"
"But part of me had kind of made peace with it. It was something that I really wanted, and then I was like maybe it's not gonna happen. So for it to happen, it's like the bonus round of bonus rounds," he adds.
The Star Trek: Discovery star admits that he's "aware" he will be "pushing 70 when he's graduating from high school," he says; however, he is just enjoying the present moments with Rai, whom he describes as "really amazing," and says that he's "gonna do my best to stick around as long as I can."
Rapp, who is currently starring in his one-man musical Without You — based on his 2006 memoir of the same name, about the "life-changing" deaths of his mother and Rent creator Jonathan Larson — also shares that doing the Off-Broadway show at this particular time in his life has been special.
RELATED: Anthony Rapp Reflects on the 'Life-Changing' Deaths of His Mother and Rent Creator Jonathan Larson
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"Because I'm spending time with my mom, I feel still very connected to the legacy of parents," he says, adding that he and Ithiphol plan to honor those they've lost as Rai grows up.
"It's been very, very incredibly bittersweet — Ken's also lost his mom — that neither of our mothers are here to meet our son in person," Rapp shares. "But at the same time, there are ways we both talk about how we can embody their spirit and that he can still know them somehow."
Rapp says that, by performing Without You, he is "spending time with my mom, who's gone." However, he adds, "I also feel like I'm filtering her loving energy [through to Rai]. It's so fully present, I feel like it's kind of washing through me onto him a bit."
Without You plays a limited engagement at New World Stages through April 30.
