Andrew Rannells talks 'Uncle of the Year,' old 'crush' on Murray Bartlett: 'That's for me'

Andrew Rannells has a message for you. Do not call him a "guncle."

While, yes, he is a "gay uncle," he'd prefer not to be infantilized, thank you very much. The 44-year-old Tony nominee – most famous for his roles in Broadway's "The Book of Mormon" and as scene-stealer Elijah on HBO's "Girls" – talks all things uncle-hood, theater, TV, relationships and more in his latest book "Uncle of the Year: & Other Debatable Triumphs" (Crown, 256 pp.), out Tuesday.

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• "Uncle of the Year: & Other Debatable Triumphs" at Amazon for $28.

• "Uncle of the Year: & Other Debatable Triumphs" at Bookshop for $26.

The "Welcome to Chippendales" star spoke even more candidly in a Zoom call all the way from Rome.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

Question: It struck me that you really dislike the word "guncle." I'm wondering if your nieces and nephews refer to you as that?

Answer: That term wasn't really a thing when I started having nieces and nephews 25 years ago. And now it's become a thing. I just feel like it's so often with gay men specifically, there's an infantilization of we're "boys." It's always "the boys." It's never like, "you men. Come over here." We're always like "boys," which I just think is sort of funny.

When people recognize you on the street, do you usually get "Girls" or "Book of Mormon"?

It's kind of an even split between those. Although it's been really interesting being here in Italy. There's a lot of "How I Met Your Mother" – and I only did two episodes of that show, and it ran for 10 years. It's a lot of episodes, and I was only in two of them. But people will say to me, "You were on 'How I Met Your Mother'!" I was like, "I guess I was?"

You talk also about in the book that Aaron Tveit replaced you in (Broadway's) "Hairspray." You mentioned something about how you were told that he was younger and straight, per your recollection. Do you think that this would still happen in 2023? Do you feel like you maybe miss out on roles due to your queerness in any way?

I feel like I probably did earlier in my career. I know I did. I think the benefit that I've had, especially when I started working on television in 2012-ish, was that there was more opportunity for queer characters, there were more queer voices being heard. And that's just continued. So I feel like there have been a lot of opportunities for me in the last 10 years that didn't exist 10 years prior.

One celebrity name drop in the book I love was Murray Bartlett being the doorman at an underwear party you attended. He's having a bit of a moment right now. Have you been in touch at all?

Well-deserved. We did "Welcome to Chippendales" together. I got to play his boyfriend. And he was just off "The White Lotus," had already filmed "The Last of Us." We cranked out that "Chippendales" show pretty quickly last summer, and then it was airing. I know he has a few film projects. But the thing I love about Murray is that he keeps a pretty low profile when he's not working. He keeps his life pretty simple. He doesn't live in Los Angeles or New York and really just has a very low-key life, which I really respect a lot. Because I think he's always just been such a cool guy. Just to simplify it. But man oh man, did I have a crush on him.

Who wouldn't?

It was crazy. He had the mustache going, it was like 2003, he had just been on "Sex and the City." I was like, that's for me. I was not for him, as I discuss in the book, but then later, I got to play his boyfriend. So, you know, it kind of worked out.

Switching gears here a second. I know you've written about your grief in the past. My dad died about a year ago, so that totally resonated. Where are you with your grief right now? I know it's been a long time. But how are you?

Thank you for asking. It's an odd feeling to know that I've been alive longer without my dad than I was with him.

As I creep closer to the age he was – he was 61 when he died. Not that it seemed old, but it just seemed very far away. I will turn 45 this year. So it's getting closer. I know it's not tomorrow, but if all goes well, I'll get there. So that has brought up some strange feelings.

Then there'll be great moments that happen in your life and you're going to feel this pang of loss that they're not there to see you do these things.

You never quite recover from it, and I watch it with my siblings too, as they have kids, and they all navigate it in a different way having children, and how they relate to their kids as parents. We laugh about things that my father used to say to us that certainly would not fly today that he said in the '80s. So it's never something that really leaves you, and that can be a very comforting thing too.

• "Uncle of the Year: & Other Debatable Triumphs" at Amazon for $28.

• "Uncle of the Year: & Other Debatable Triumphs" at Bookshop for $26.

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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Andrew Rannells on word "guncle," 'Book of Mormon', new memoir