Amber Heard says therapy notes ruled inadmissible at trial detail abuse from Johnny Depp

Amber Heard is speaking out about the verdict determined in Johnny Depp's favor in their defamation lawsuit.

Heard joined NBC's Savannah Guthrie in her first interview since the trial ended earlier this month. Their conversation aired Friday on a special episode of "Dateline." The "Aquaman" star tells Guthrie, "How could (the jury) not come to that conclusion? … I don't blame them."

On June 1, Depp won the defamation lawsuit he filed accusing Heard of defaming the "Pirates of the Caribbean" star in a 2018 Washington Post op-ed, with a Virginia jury awarding him more than $10 million in damages and vindicating his stance that Heard fabricated claims that she was abused by Depp before and during their brief marriage.

Heard also partially won her countersuit over comments made by Depp's former lawyer Adam Waldman when he called her abuse allegations a hoax. The jury awarded her $2 million in damages.

Heard tells Guthrie notes from her therapy sessions years ago detail abuse from Depp, but these notes were ruled inadmissible as evidence.

“There’s a binder’s worth of years of notes dating back to 2011, from the very beginning of my relationship, that were taken by my doctor who I was reporting the abuse to," she says. The doctor, Guthrie clarifies, was Heard's therapist at the time.

Guthrie says "Dateline" reviewed the notes, and says they show that in January 2012, Heard told her therapist Depp hit her and threw her on the floor. Eight months later, he ripped her nightgown and threw her on a bed, the notes say, according to "Dateline."

“In 2013, the therapist’s notes say he threw her against a wall and threatened to kill her," Guthrie adds.

Regardless of the outcome, Heard was unwavering in her experience of "speaking truth to power." She tells Guthrie, "To my dying day, I will stand by my testimony."

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"This was the most humiliating and horrible thing I've ever been through," she continues. "I have never felt more removed from my own humanity. I felt less than human."

Guthrie pressed Heard on audio recordings in which she admits to hitting Depp and claims from the "Pirates of the Caribbean" actor's attorneys that she was being an actress in her testimony.

"I had listened to weeks of testimony insulating that I was a horrible actress so I'm confused how I could be both," Heard responds.

She also says she was retaliating against abuse from Depp in many of the audio tapes and that they didn't share the full story. "I responded to (physical violence) and when you're living in violence it becomes normal."

Heard explains, "When your life is at risk, not only will you take the blame for things you should take the blame for but when you're in an abusive dynamic psychologically, emotionally, and physically you don't have the resources, that say you or I do, have the luxury of saying, 'Hey, this is black and white' became it's anything but when you're living in it."

"We were awful to each other. I made a lot of mistakes, but I've always told the truth," she says.

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Heard admits she wasn't confident ahead of the verdict reading due to all of Depp's supporters online and at the trial.

"I actually understand," the actress says of the verdict.

She adds: "He's a beloved character and people feel they know him. He's a fantastic actor."

Heard also addressed critics and the role of social media in the trial.

“I don't care what one thinks about me or what judgments you want to make about what happened in the privacy of my own home, in my marriage, behind closed doors. I don't presume the average person should know those things. And so I don't take it personally," she says, adding, "But even somebody who is sure I'm deserving of all this hate and vitriol, even if you think that I'm lying, you still couldn't look me in the eye and tell me that you think on social media there's been a fair representation. You cannot tell me that you think that this has been fair.”

Heard continues, "I think even the most well-intentioned jury … It would have been impossible to avoid this." The actress also suggested the many supporters for Depp that appeared in the courtroom were a distraction.

"His lawyers certainly did a better job of distracting the jury from the real issues."

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Amber Heard answers lingering questions from trial

"I'm not a good victim. I'm not a likable victim. I'm not a perfect victim. I get it. But I asked the jury to see me," Heard tells Guthrie of the trial.

Guthrie asked lingering questions from the trial such as whether Heard hoped Depp would lose his job after her op-ed, claims that she tipped off TMZ when she filed a restraining order and what happened to the donations from her $7 million divorce settlement she said she gave to charity.

Heard admits that she was worried about the legal pushback of her op-ed, which is why she hired a team of lawyers to review the drafts. "The op-ed wasn't about my relationship with Johnny," she says. "What the op-ed was about was me loaning my voice to a cultural conversation that we were having at the time."

"When you wrote this op-ed, it was the height of #MeToo. Legions of powerful men being canceled, losing their jobs … did you want that to happen to him?" Guthrie questions, to which Heard definitively says, "Of course not."

In May 2016, the actress filed a restraining order days after police were called to the couple's residence regarding a domestic dispute. Officers during trial testified that Heard did not file charges at the time. Heard tells Guthrie she didn't because she "didn't want this to be out."

"If you have bruising or if you have injuries then it's fake," she said of Depp's claims that the mark on her face, when she filed the restraining order, was fake. "If you don't have any, then you weren't injured." The actress also denies she and any person within her camp tipped off TMZ to photograph her injuries at the courthouse.

Heard then addresses the settlement money she said she donated to the ACLU and Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles, clarifying that she "pledged" the $7 million and that the funds were supposed to go to the organizations over time.

As for how the "London Fields" actress feels about Depp post-trial: "I love him."

"I loved him with all my heart. I tried to make a deeply broken relationship work and I couldn't," she says. "I have no bad feelings or ill-will to him at all."

A spokesperson for Heard tells USA TODAY the actress decided to sit down with Guthrie after "Johnny Depp’s legal team blanketed the media for days after the verdict with numerous statements and interviews on television, and Depp himself did the same on social media."

"Ms. Heard simply intended to respond to what they aggressively did last week; she did so by expressing her thoughts and feelings, much of which she was not allowed to do on the witness stand," the spokesperson adds.

Johnny Depp's attorneys discuss the trial on 'Today' show and 'Good Morning America'

Depp's attorneys Camille Vasquez and Benjamin Chew appeared on "Today" and "Good Morning America" on Wednesday to discuss the outcome of the trial.

Vasquez addressed another libel case that took place in a London courtroom in the summer of 2020 in which Depp lost. He had sued the publisher of The Sun tabloid for defaming him by labeling him a "wife beater" without adding "accused." Heard was the tabloid's star witness.

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The attorney said the difference of judgment in the Virginia trial came down to the fact that it is a "different process" in London. "The overwhelming evidence that was presented in this case in Virginia, far exceeded what was presented in the U.K. and we believe the jury got it right," she said.

Heard responded on "Today" telling Guthrie that the U.K. trial allowed her to admit "even more evidence." She adds, "In fact, my evidence was largely kept out. Really important pieces of evidence were kept out. It was handled differently, handled by a judge instead of a jury."

Depp's attorney Chew countered the suggestion that jurors were swayed by online chatter despite being advised not to look at the case outside of the courtroom.

"My view is that social media played no role whatsoever," he said on "GMA."

On "Today," he added: "I don't think there's any reason to believe that the jurors violated their oath," noting it was "disappointing to hear" Heard's attorney Elaine Bredehoft make that claim.

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Heard's legal counsel and her supporters have also argued that the verdict is a setback to the #MeToo movement and impedes women from coming forward with sexual assault allegations.

In a statement to USA TODAY, Heard said she was disappointed and "heartbroken" by the verdict. "I’m even more disappointed with what this verdict means for other women. It is a setback," she said. "It sets back the clock to a time when a woman who spoke up and spoke out could be publicly shamed and humiliated. It sets back the idea that violence against women is to be taken seriously."

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Vasquez decried the suggestion during her daytime interviews Wednesday.

"We're here to talk about the case that we tried, right? We encourage all victims to come forward and have their day in court, which is exactly what happened in this case," she told Guthrie.

Vasquez added on "GMA": "Domestic violence doesn't have a gender."

Contributing: Maria Puente, Amy Haneline, Hannah Yasharoff, Charles Trepany, USA TODAY; The Associated Press

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Amber Heard defends testimony in Johnny Depp verdict, talks trial