Alyssa Scott Mourns Loss of Son Zen Ahead of What Would've Been First Christmas: 'I Was So Excited'

alyssa scott/ instagram

Alyssa Scott is opening up about her grieving process this holiday season.

On Thursday, Scott shared an emotional post on her Instagram Story about how she is mourning the loss of her and Nick Cannon's 5-month-old son Zen, who died on Dec. 5 of a brain tumor and would have been celebrating his first Christmas this year.

"Maybe you close the door to the nursery. Maybe you leave it open. Maybe you have boxed some things away — maybe you still fold and put them in the drawers This is where I'm at," Scott writes alongside a photo of Zen's crib, which is filled with various baby clothes and items.

"Walking by his room..sometimes going in. Washing some of his clothes but putting aside others that still have his scent," she continues. "A pile is growing because I don't know exactly what to do but I'm not rushing myself to a decision."

"I am thinking of all who are grieving this holiday season. I am also reading your messages and keeping them close to me during this time. Love ❤️," the model adds.

Scott also shares that she had been "so excited" for baby Zen to wear his "My First Christmas" onesie, which she displays in his nursery.

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alyssa scott/ instagram

RELATED: Alyssa Scott Pens Heartfelt Tribute to Her and Nick Cannon's Late Son Zen: 'Love You for Eternity'

"I have had it laying out since thanksgiving," she writes.

Earlier this month, Scott shared an emotional tribute on Instagram to Zen and the times she shared with him before his death. The post — a video montage — was paired with Jhené Aiko's song "Promises," and Scott wrote a heartfelt message in the caption.

"Oh my sweet Zen. The soreness I felt in my arm from holding you is slowly fading away. It's a painful reminder that you are no longer here," she wrote. "I caught myself looking in the backseat as I was driving only to see the mirror no longer reflecting your perfect face back at me. When I close a door too loudly I hold my breath and wince knowing a soft cry will shortly follow. It doesn't come. The silence is deafening."

"These last 5 months we have been in this race together. We would hand the baton off to each other. You kept me going. It would be the middle of the night and you would smile at me. A surge of energy would fill my body and pure joy would radiate from within me," Scott continued. "We were a team, both determined to see it through. It feels unbearable running without you now. I can't."

The video showed Zen over the previous few months, including shots of him playing with a toy piano, taking a bath, and even moments from the hospital. Scott also shared a photo of her rocking Zen in her arms as he looked up at her.

Cannon, 41, first revealed the tragic news of Zen's death on his daytime talk show Nick Cannon on Dec. 7.

Amid their grief, Cannon and Scott are focusing on the good that came from their short time with Zen.

"He was the most loving baby," Cannon recently told PEOPLE. "I look at being his father as a great privilege."

Added Scott in a written statement to PEOPLE: "It was a privilege being Zen's mommy. It's so beautiful and encouraging to see even complete strangers being touched and moved by Zen's light. Zen's spirit and light will shine bright forever."