'I grieve the years I lost': Canadian influencer gets real in body-positive beach post

Alicia Mccarvell is learning from her grief.

Earlier this week, the Canadian influencer took to Instagram to share a series of photos of her and her husband, Scott Mccarvell, at the beach, alongside a detailed and empowering caption about grief and self-love.

Mccarvell is one of the many influencers using their platform to draw attention to important issues such as size inclusivity, body confidence and mental health — and her this post is no exception.

In the photos, the TikTok star rocked a two-piece cheetah print swimsuit and round sunglasses. She smiled at the camera and raised her hands toward the sky while digging her toes into the wet sand. The Nova Scotia-native also included a loved-up selfie of her and her beau enjoying the sun together.

In the caption, the social media hero opened up about the "grief" she associated with her self-conscious past.

"This past weekend Scott and I were at the beach, and while we were swimming I was followed by this overwhelming feeling of grief. I am so proud of my journey and how far I have come, but I would be lying to you if I told you it didn’t come with grief," she began.

"I experience this grief every time I do something I held myself back from just a few years ago. There we were with the Cabot Trail around us, a beautiful day and crisp water, and instead of soaking in the joy, I was grieving," Mccarvell continued. "I looked at Scott and I said, 'How come you were OK with never going to the beach back then?' and he looked at me and said, 'I’m your partner, I’m never supposed to make you do things you aren’t comfortable with,' and I could have sobbed right then and there."

Later in the caption, the body positive advocate explained how she's using her grief as a motivator to live her best, most fulfilling life.

"Every time I experience a joy that I know I’ve deprived myself of in the past, I grieve the years I lost not doing it. Every time I take a photo, without thinking twice of the result, I grieve the years of my life that I have none. Every time I step on a beach and into the water I grieve the years I spent missing out. I talk about moving past it, and living my life to the fullest, but I don’t talk about the grief that comes along with it," the influencer added.

"I grieve because I could have been a better friend, a better partner, a better sister. I grieve because my life could have been fuller. I grieve because I know I’ll never get that time back. I grieve because it’s part of the process," she concluded. "Please know that as you learn to live your life for you, as you separate your worth from your body and as you start to allow yourself joy — grief will be there, and it is a sign of success."

In the comments, fans thanked Mccarvell for sharing such a personal yet inspirational story.

"Yup, I fully get this. Grief is a tool for change and for loss, and that can mean so many things," wrote fellow Canadian influencer Sarah Nicole Landry.

"I hope one day I too have that power to love my body, accept it, show it off and embrace it. Thank you for sharing your story, and most of all for being a role model," a fan told Mccarvell.

"Thank you for sharing your journey and making others (including myself) kind to their bodies! You are amazing!" wrote someone else.

"Beautiful couple. Beautiful story. Beautiful mind. Beautiful heart. We need more people like you," said another follower.

This isn't the first time Mccarvell has spoken out about learning to love her body. Late last month, the influencer shared a body positive photo while telling her 886,000 followers how she finds inner peace.

In the post, Mccarvell explained how keeping a "love me" journal "changed my life," and said that all someone needs to get started is a journal, pen and "a willingness to struggle."

"What you're going to do is everyday sit down and reflect on your day," she shared. "You're going to find something you appreciated about yourself that day and write it down — [something] that has nothing to do with your body."

"These things might seem small, but they actually add up to much bigger things," Mccarvell wrote. "Making your bed every morning could mean you're consistent and organized. Giving great advice could actually mean that you're compassionate and a great listener. Always making time to read could also mean that you're great at setting aside time for yourself."

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