5 Shows We Don’t Want to See Revived

2016 was a banner year for TV revivals, as such beloved series as Full House, Gilmore Girls, and The X-Files climbed out of the cancellation graveyard to once more consume their fans’ brains and eyeballs. Don’t expect that trend to slow down during the next calendar year; mere weeks into 2017, NBC has already announced the next big TV resurrection: Will and Grace, the Debra Messing/Eric McCormack sitcom that ran for eight lucrative years between 1998 and 2003. The 10-episode revival will reunite the entire original cast, including Sean Hayes and Megan Mullally, along with legendary director James Burrows. It’s hard not to be tickled at the thought of catching up with Will and Grace after 17 years, in the same way that spending time with Mulder and Scully and Lorelei and Rory tickled the nostalgia bone. Even so, there are some shows we hope remain untouched by this wave of revivals. Here are five series that deserve to remain undisturbed, as well as the worst-case scenario for each should they return.

Family Ties (NBC, 1982-1989)

Why We Love the Original: While the oh-so-’80s clothes, hairstyles, and attitudes make Family Ties seem as much of a period piece as Downton Abbey these days, the Keaton clan remains the portrait-perfect model of a sitcom family. Even when they couldn’t stand each other, their mutual admiration and affection gave us all something to aspire to. What would we do, baby, without them? (Sha la la la.)

Worst Case Scenario for the Revival: Twenty-five years after securing his first Wall Street gig, Alex P. Keaton is one of Tom Wolfe’s Masters of the Universe. But his single-minded pursuit of wealth has routinely short-circuited any attempts at starting a family like the one he grew up in. One divorce and a string of exes later, there’s a knock at his door: One of his girlfriends gave birth to a daughter 16 years ago, and now she’s come to get to know her father. And we know she’s a chip off the old Keaton block, because she’s already a political dynamo… but for the left. While that thrills her hippie grandparents, who drop by on a recurring basis, it completely flummoxes Alex — still a staunch Republican after all these years and presidential administrations. As her Bernie Sanders merchandise competes with his Reagan memorabilia for wall space, father and daughter have to find common ground. Wait for the Very Special Episode that tackles both the Occupy movement and teenage sexting.

Cheers (NBC, 1982-1993)

Why We Love the Original: Watching Cheers gave us all the pleasures of hanging out at our local watering hole — joshing around with the regulars, bantering with the staff — without having to leave the couch. We still miss our weekly visits to the place where everybody knows your name.

Worst Case Scenario for the Revival: Unable to keep up with steadily escalating Boston rents, Sam Malone sold Cheers to ESPN in the late ’90s and the homespun bar was transformed into a gleaming ESPN Zone. Looking to appeal to a younger clientele, the lifers were strongly encouraged to find other places to congregate, although Norm and Cliff kept coming back even as their usual place at the bar was replaced by a bank of televisions. When the Zone franchise went under, Coach’s grandson, Eli (David Walton) — a minor league washout — used his inheritance to acquire the property and bring it back to its roots. But as a former Brooklynite and recently AA-approved teetotaler, Eli decides that the new, improved Cheers can’t be your average, ordinary sports bar. It’s gotta be an artisanal coffee shop with an organic, gluten-free brunch menu. And if you thought Carla was cranky before, just wait until you see her serving granola waffles to whiny hipsters.

Murphy Brown (CBS, 1988-1998)

Why We Love the Original: An ahead-of-its-time portrait of an ambitious woman in the workplace, Murphy Brown mixed topical humor with terrific characters. Even a noticeable dip in quality toward the end of the show’s lifespan couldn’t diminish the title character’s pop culture relevance. Here’s how you know Murphy Brown mattered: Murphy’s decision to be a single mother had real-world consequences, when Vice President Dan Quayle took the tone deaf step of condemning a fictional character.

Worst Case Scenario for the Revival: Having survived a breast cancer scare in the final season, Murphy made the decision to add to her one-child brood by adopting a daughter. Following their strong-willed mom into the broadcasting game, the grown-up Avery (Hayley Joel Osment, reprising his role) and Eliza Brown (Meagan Good) co-anchor a “He Said, She Said” opinion show on a struggling 24-hour cable news channel. Network president Miles Silverberg plays the role of neurotic father figure in the executive’s office, while the ghost of Jim Dial regularly appears in their dressing rooms, offering pointers and rolling his eyes at what passes for “news” these days.

Fraggle Rock (HBO, 1983-1987)

Why We Love the Original: Jim Henson’s flair of fantasy was given free rein in this nostalgic favorite, which imagined an underground universe teeming with fun-loving Fraggles, dogged Doozers, and giant Gorgs. It was the perfect series for kids who were a little too old for Sesame Street and a little too freaked out by The Dark Crystal.

Worst Case Scenario for the Revival: Three letters: CGI! Since live action puppetry is often a time-consuming, labor-intensive process, Fraggle Rock is transformed into a digital playground courtesy of high-powered computers. Naturally, all the characters get modern makeovers, too. Gobo (voiced by Justin Bieber) sings pop songs while popping wheelies on his skateboard, while Wembley (Josh Gad) finds solace from his crippling anxiety in EDM DJing and Red (Kylie Jenner) is a literally underground vlogger who posts her videos on FraggleTube. As for the Gorg family, they’ve stopped growing radishes and are now all about kale.

My So-Called Life (ABC, 1994-1995)

Why We Love the Original: The TV equivalent of revisiting our old high school poetry, My So-Called Life perfectly captures that awkward period of adolescence when you and your love life (or lack thereof) are the center of a very, very unfair universe.

Worst Case Scenario for the Revival: After painfully pining for Angela all through high school, geek-turned-hottie Brian Krakow leapt at the chance to become Mr. Angela Chase after they reconnected after college. With his wife’s demanding job requiring frequent travel, stay-at-home dad Brian raises their 14-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son with help from Uncle Rickie. Heading into her freshman year at Liberty High, who should Jordanna Krakow immediately lock eyes with but Zach Catalano, estranged son of Angela’s one-time flame. Everyone but Zach can read the writing on the wall because, you know, Catalanos can’t read. (Midseason spoiler alert! That illiteracy is due to an ancient family curse, as Three Rivers happens to be over another Hellmouth.)