'American Idol': Judging the Judges, Week 6

It’s a tough job lending immeasurable star power to American Idol’s farewell season, but someone’s gotta do it before the whole thing goes down in flames on April 7. Welcome back to Judging the Judges, our weekly power ranking* of Keith Urban, Jennifer Lopez, and Harry Connick Jr. during the final Idol-sponsored round of their ongoing quest to become the greatest self-promoter this world has ever seen.

*Unlike the judges’ refusal to to give honest critiques of mediocre performances, the Judging the Judges points system is 100 percent arbitrary and subject to change.

KEITH URBAN

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50 multitasking points for letting Sonika Vaid’s delicate vocals work out a kink in his neck during Wednesday’s solo-driven stupor. “You started singing, and I was like ‘What’s that sound?!’” Keith later explained.

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+30 for giving in to the giggles re: La Porsha Renae’s crazy eyes during Thursday’s fever dream.

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+86 for resisting the urge to fall asleep as Harry wished James VIII’s Kanye cover was “a little more complex.”

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+15 for recognizing a song (“My Church” by Maren Morris).

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-40 for holding back on what he really thought after Emily Brooke butchered her solo: “You’re trying, exploring, looking for more of your artistry…”

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-12 for using valuable show time to calculate just how many millions he’s getting paid to sit there.

JENNIFER LOPEZ

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100 authenticity points for leaning into a “Proud Mary” moment with La Porsha Renae.

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+50 for TOUCHING HANDS — however briefly! — with lowly commoners.

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+20 for remembering the bigger picture while doling out tough love to James VIII: “I don’t know that it grabbed ME — or the audience.”

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-42 for pretending the SwayBots in the audience were responding to Thomas Stringfellow’s overwrought “Creep” cover with anything other than their pre-programmed choreography.

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Automatic 200-point deduction for mentioning “goosies.”

HARRY CONNICK JR.

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150 breaking points for expressing utter disgust at the “big, loud, showy stuff” that American Idol tends to be all about.

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+49 for bravely smiling through this great big world of pain after MacKenzie Bourg’s “integrity”-filled “Say Something” cover.

HONORABLE MENTION: RUBEN STUDDARD

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200 throwback points for a reverential shout-out to the original recipe judging panel. “I’m my own Paula Abdul,” he explained while urging duet partner Avalon Young to “focus on the fun factor.”

HONORABLE MENTION: RYAN SEACREST

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15 flair points for perfectly timing an emphatic “LAST NIGHT!” with a subtle sweep of the spotlight. You can’t see this stuff on the radio!

HONORABLE MENTION: JORDAN SASSER’S BABY

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100 HELP-ME points for delivering a profound critique of dad’s insane Celine Dion-esque vocal theatrics without even saying (or possibly hearing) a word.

FINAL TALLY FOR WEEK 6:

Ruben Studdard wins with 200 points!
Harry Connick Jr.: 199
Keith Urban: 129
Jordan Sasser’s baby: 100
Ryan Seacrest: 15
Jennifer Lopez: -128

Can Harry out-perform his peers by basically doing nothing two weeks in a row? Find out on American Idol, airing Wednesdays and Thursdays at 8 p.m. on Fox.