32 Of David Spade’s Funniest Quotes From Movies And SNL

Known best from the show, in particular, for his “Weekend Update” segments and “Spade in America” commentaries, David Spade is among the biggest stars to get their start on SNL. He has remained a notable name in comedy, thanks to a pretty successful film career that includes Tommy Boy and The Emperor’s New Groove and his impeccable talent for delivering even the driest dialogue in a somehow lively manner. Our favorite examples of this can be seen below with our picks for the best Spade quotes from the big screen and Saturday Night Live as well.

"Look, Children, It's A Falling Star. Make A Wish" - Saturday Night Live

Easily the most infamous David Spade quote comes from his revival of “Hollywood Minute” during an edition of “Spade in America,” in which he makes a blunt comment about the state of Eddie Murphy’s career circa 1995. Spade actually came to regret the joke made about the Oscar-nominated former SNL star, whose later box office hit, Shrek, was actually somewhat inspired by Spade’s dynamic with Chris Farley, apparently.

"I Think Your Brain Has A Thick Candy Shell” - Tommy Boy

Richard Hayden’s (David Spade) feelings about his business and road trip partner, Thomas “Tommy” Callahan III (Chris Farley), in Tommy Boy are summed up perfectly by his response to Tommy’s mentioning that M&M’s have a “thin candy shell.” One BTS fact about the comedy is that the characters’ combative relationship reflected the actors’ on-set attitude toward one another.

"Buh-Bye" - Saturday Night Live

In a Season 19 SNL sketch, David Spade and host Helen Hunt played aggressively sarcastic flight attendants who cannot wait to send off their travelers after landing. The bit was referenced during SNL’s 40th anniversary special, during which Spade and an attendant played by Cecily Strong told Bradley Cooper, Taylor Swift and more “Buh-bye."

"No Touchy" - The Emperor's New Groove

David Spade’s royal Kuzco has a few notable catchphrases from the underrated Disney animated movie, The Emperor’s New Groove, from 2000. None, however, better represent his vainglorious attitude as his repeated demand of people who get too close to him.

"We Didn't Have Any Pudding In There, Buddy" - Black Sheep

In Black Sheep — which could have been the second of three David Spade and Chris Farley movies if not for the latter’s death — Mike (Farley) gets nearly crushed by a refrigerator and complains that it caused a chocolate pudding spill in his underpants. To make matters worse, Steve (Spade) let him in on some info that suggests it was not pudding that flooded his undergarments.

"Yeah? Who Does Your Acting?" - Saturday Night Live

Even outside of “Hollywood Minute,” David Spade still finds a way to hilariously poke fun at A-listers like Vin Diesel, much like he does when playing himself in a sketch from his second SNL hosting gig in 2005. While filming an action movie together, the Fast and Furious movies star (played by Horatio Sanz) tells Spade he does his own stunts, leading Spade to share this sharp dig.

"This Is Yzma, The Emperor's Advisor. Living Proof That Dinosaurs Once Roamed The Earth" - The Emperor's New Groove

A Disney villain who deserves her own movie is Yzma, voiced by Eartha Kitt. She's introduced in The Emperor’s New Groove via narration from David Spade’s Kuzco that doesn't paint her in a very flattering light.

"Well, I Should Hope So, Because I'm Laying It On Pretty Thick" - Tommy Boy

David Spade is a master at playing sarcastic characters — none of which are more iconic than Tommy Boy's Richard Hayden. No line of dialogue from the film spells this defining characteristic out more efficiently than his response to a blank-faced gas station attendant who takes a little too long to realize his customer is being facetious with him.

"In: People That Recognize Me From This Show Even Though I've Only Been On Twice. Out: People That Think I'm Dana Carvey" - Saturday Night Live

It's tradition for SNL to poke fun at cast members who struggle to get noticed during their first year, and David Spade was no exception. He even made himself the butt of this kind of joke during one of his “In and Out” segments on “Weekend Update." During it, he points out his resemblance to fellow ‘90s-era SNL star Dana Carvey.

"Hey, Y, Where's MCA?" - Grown-Ups

Of all the comedy all-stars in the Grown-Ups cast, you could argue that David Spade has many of the wittiest lines. An example is when he references The Village People’s immortal disco hit at the expense of Wiley (Steve Buscemi), whose body cast keeps him in “Y” stance.

"Oh, I'm Balding?" - Hotel Transylvania: Transformania

David Spade returned to join the Hotel Transylvania: Transformania voice cast as the normally invisible Griffin — who, along with his other monster friends, suddenly becomes human after a freak accident. Upon seeing himself for the first time in a while, he discovers he has lost some of his hair.

"In: Lorne Michaels. Out: Kissing Up To Your Boss" - Saturday Night Live

It is always fun to see SNL actors go meta and pay homage to executive producer Lorne Michaels. One notable example occurs during one of David Spade’s “In and Out” segments on “Weekend Update,” in which he uses the bit’s conceit of judging certain topic’s popularity to earn some brownie points with the boss.

"That's Funny, I Didn't Know Athlete Had Three Syllables. A-tha-lete? That's Ama-za-zing" - The Benchwarmers

David Spade stars alongside Rob Schneider and Jon Heder as a trio of nerdy adults who start playing baseball on behalf of bullied children in 2006’s The Benchwarmers. When Richie (Spade) and Clark (Heder) run into one of their childhood bullies who demonstrates his unique way of pronouncing the word “athletes,” Richie comes up with a funny to turn the tables on him.

"Hi, I'm Earth. Have We Met?" - Tommy Boy

In Tommy Boy, Richard struggles to book a flight to Chicago with a reservationist who offers him increasingly unhelpful solutions. The final straw is her offer to book him on a flight returning from Chicago, to which he makes a remark that rivals most of his insults at Tommy’s expense. Even better, the airport employee's response is, "I don't think so."

"It Made Me Wanna Throw 'Like A Rock' At Like His Head" - Saturday Night Live

Once during SNL’s 19th season, David Spade appeared on “Weekend Update” to express his frustration over famous musicians excluding their greatest hits from their concert set lists. One example he uses is when he saw Bob Seger, who did not play “Night Moves,” inspiring a quip that references another one of the rock star’s best-known songs.

"Bring It On" - The Emperor's New Groove

One of the most memorable moments from The Emperor’s New Groove sees David Spade’s Kuzo and Pacha (John Goodman) floating down a river while tied to opposite ends of a tree truck. When they learn they're approaching a huge waterfall, Kuzco decides, after all he has been through so far, to just face it head-on.

"You Should Go To A Spa, And Then Maybe, You Know, Like Canoe Out To An Island And Just Chill, Like If There's One Nearby, Or Far" - The Wrong Missy

In one of David Spade’s best Netflix movies, The Wrong Missy, he plays a businessman who, attempting to invite his dream woman (played by Molly Sims) to a Hawaiian work retreat, accidentally texts a disastrous blind date of the same name (Lauren Lapkus). One of his many attempts to ditch her is this not-so-subtle suggestion to, basically, get lost.

"In: Edward Scissorhands. Out: Edward Rockhands And Edward Paperhands" - Saturday Night Live

David Spade’s “In and Out” segments were always at their best when he used clever puns. For example, this funny reference to one of the best Tim Burton movies, Edward Scissorhands, was a hit at the time.

"Try Starting Out Life As A Maggot. Nobody Wants To Pet A Little Maggot!" - Racing Stripes

In the 2005 talking animal movie, Racing Stripes, Frankie Muniz voices a zebra named Stripes who aspires to be a competitive horse. Upon meeting the down-on-his-luck animal, David Spade’s character, a fly named Scuzz — whose brother, Buzz, is voiced by Steve Harvey — tells Stripes things could be worse, in reference to his own challenging childhood.

"Did Anyone See Scanners?" - Tommy Boy

In a pivotal Tommy Boy scene, Tommy and Richard learn their company is at risk of being shutdown. To emphasize what kind of horrible, mind-boggling pain this news is causing him, Richard seems to borrow a line from one of the best SNL movies, Wayne’s World, and references one of the best David Cronenberg movies, Scanners. The 1981 horror film focuses on a group of telekinetics whose abilities are so powerful they can, literally, cause people’s heads to explode.

"Uh, Would You Mind Ending This Sketch?" - Saturday Night Live

In a Season 18 SNL sketch, Seinfeld cast member Jason Alexander plays a man who asks for more juice on his gyro, which the guys behind the counter seem to be a little too enthusiastic about. The joke begins to take on a few too many variations and for a little too long until David Spade puts an end to it by going meta.

"It Puts The Joe Dirt In The Hole" - Joe Dirt

The 2001 comedy, Joe Dirt, traces the adventures of the mulleted title character (played by David Spade) as he tries to find his family — one of which leads him right into a The Silence of the Lambs parody. Similar to Catherine Martin in that Best Picture Oscar winner, Joe finds himself held captive in serial killer Buffalo Bob’s pit, where he is referred to as “It” and forced to moisturize regularly. When Bob is arrested, he uses the same rhetoric in hopes to get the authorities’ attention.

"I Know. They're Called Doctors" - Tommy Boy

In Tommy Boy, Tommy (Chris Farley) proudly asks Richard (David Spade) if he heard about his college graduation, which Richard then acknowledges took a bit longer than it does for the average student. When Tommy tries to prove that a seven-year college stay is not out of the ordinary, Richard then, quite rudely, mentions that that most often applies to people of a specific profession that he didn't study for.

"I Don't Think It Will. I Took The Spark Plugs Out" - Grown Ups

The guys in Grown Ups are shocked to discover that Rob (Rob Schneider) has a daughter named Jasmine (Madison Riley), whom they find to be very attractive and decide to just stick around and observe her mechanical skills. Kurt (Chris Rock) quips that he would rather the car she is working on remain unfixed, to which Marcus (David Spade) assures that it will.

"You Have A Lovely Wife. They're Both Very Pretty" - The Emperor's New Groove

Pacha (John Goodman) takes Kuzco (David Spade) to his home, only to discover that Yzma (Eartha Kitt) and Kronk (Patrick Warburton) are already there looking for him. When he tries to explain the situation to his wife, Chicha (Spade’s Just Shoot Me co-star, Wendie Malick), the emperor-turned-talking-llama suddenly chimes in and a startled Chicha reacts by hitting him in the face with a frying pan. Apparently, that really sent him spiraling based on how he perceives his new friend’s spouse.

“Did I Catch A Niner In There? Were You Calling From A Walkie-Talkie?" - Tommy Boy

We first meet David Spade’s Tommy Boy role, Richard Hayden, when he picks up Chris Farley’s recently graduated title character from the airport and asks why he hadn’t arrived earlier when his dad (played by Brian Dennehy) tried to pick him up. Tommy swears he tried to call his father but, attempting to recall the number, prompts a quip from Richard accusing Tommy of using a different, less efficient communication device.

"This Here’s Rocky, And He Ain't No Puppy" - Joe Dirt

Throughout his crazy journey, Joe Dirt takes on many odd jobs, including an alligator wrangler at one point. He really doesn't need to size up his scaly opponent, Rocky, for the crowd of onlookers as he is already threatening enough. But comparing the beast to a small doggy is pretty funny.

"I Was Just In The Pool! The Water's Cold. Don't Judge Me!" - Hotel Transylvania

The first installment of the Hotel Transylvania movies shows us what fearsome creatures do in their spare time, such as taking a dip in the pool, which Griffin (David Spade) does right before his werewolf friend, Wayne (Steve Buscemi), pulls his trunks down in front of their peers. Even though such a prank should have no effect on an invisible man like him, he seems very embarrassed by the ordeal, with a reaction that mirrors one of the George Costanza’s funniest moments on Seinfeld.

"What Are The Odds Of Us Actually Hitting A Lake? My Money Says If Anything, It's Gonna Be A Mountain" - Tommy Boy

Trying to make it to Chicago as quickly as possible, Tommy (Chris Farley) and Richard (David Spade) pose as flight attendants to infiltrate the next available plane, on which they must fake their way through presenting the safety instructions. Tommy demonstrates the tips and precautions while Richard stays back on the intercom and takes the liberty of poking fun at his travel partner and even satirizing the logic behind flight safety itself.

"This Is Nuckin' Futs!" - Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star

While not one of David Spade’s better reviewed comedies, 2003’s Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star does have its moments of clever pop culture commentary. For instance, we are sure there many ‘70s sitcom stars who are constantly asked to repeat their characters’ famous catchphrases, much like what happens to Dickie anytime he bumps into a fan. In his case, the quote is something the FCC probably approved with much hesitation.

"Why Would Only My Glasses Be Visible?" - Hotel Transylvania: Transformania

The monster reversal in Hotel Transylvania: Transformania brings about an interesting revelation about David Spade’s character, Griffin, being that he never actually wears any clothes. His response to Murray’s (Keegan-Michael Key) question regarding his nudity may seem a bit pompous, but, then again, his friends probably should have realized his wardrobe was not visible, too, if they could see his glasses.

"Luckily, My Neck Broke My Fall" - Joe Dirt

While working for an oil company, Joe Dirt (David Spade) makes enemies with a co-worker (pro wrestler Tyler Mane), who challenges him to a fight. Obviously — save his opponent catching fire in a peeing accident soon after — it does not end well for our hero, who is dropped into the dirt on his head. However, as he assures the radio host listening to his story, he was able to survive, thanks to his neck.

We also should not forget about David Spade’s sitcom following his SNL exit, Just Shoot Me, on which he stole the show as perverted Blush receptionist, Dennis Finch. He had some pretty good quotes on that hit NBC show, too, as well as in his hilarious Capital One ad campaign. However, his SNL and movies come up in spades for us especially.