Advertisement

Close this content

31 Hilarious Billy Crystal Quotes From Movies And TV

Philip Sledge

April 14, 2024 at 11:00 AM

He's one of the best to ever do it.

"When I Buy A New Book, I Read The Last Page First." - When Harry Met Sally

"Well, It Just So Happens That Your Friend Here Is Only Mostly Dead." - The Princess Bride

"I Tried To Be A Man Of The People, I Had A Payphone In My Car" - Comic Relief '87 Opening

"But Every Time I Went To Taste The Cheese, The Thing Came Down Right On My Tongue! I’m Tellin’ Ya — After Forty, Fifty Times, I Couldn’t Even Feel The Cheese, Much Less Taste It." - Saturday Night Live

"Hi Curly, Killed Anyone Today?" - City Slickers

"That's It, I'm Out Of Ideas. We're Closed. Hot Air Balloon? Too Expensive, Giant Slingshot? Too Conspicuous. Enormous Wooden Horse? Too Greek." - Monsters, Inc.

"You Look Marvelous!" - Saturday Night Live

"Owen, You Gotta Get It Throughout Your Thick Head: I May Be A Lot Of Things, But I'm Not A Killer" - Throw Momma From The Train

"Come Out, Come Out, Mr. Doody, And Swim In The Swimming Pool." - Parental Guidance

"You Go Downstairs, You Shed A Tear, And You Say, 'It's A Shame. She Would Have Loved This Movie." - America's Sweethearts

"Like When You Go Bowling And You Know You're In Someone Else's Shoes" - Friends

"I Don't Like Heights. This Is Why I Stopped Growing At Fifth Grade." - My Giant

"Come On, Don't Talk Back, Mime Is Money." - This Is Spinal Tap

"You Rush A Miracle Man, You Get Rotten Miracles." - The Princess Bride

"And My Mother, Disguised As An East German Judge, Gave Me A 5.6" - When Harry Met Sally

"He's A Lost Soul, He's A Dented Can, He's Behind Me, Isn't He?" - City Slickers II: The Legend Of Curly's Gold

"Don't You Have A Dark Side? I Know, You're Probably One Of Those Cheerful People Who Dot Their 'I's' With Little Hearts." - When Harry Met Sally

"Sulley, You're Not Supposed To Name It. Once You Name It, You Start Getting Attached To It." - Monsters, Inc.

"What Is My Goal Here, To Make You A Happy, Well-Adjusted Gangster?” - Analyze This

"Amnesia Dust, You Throw A Pinch, The Kid Forgets Everything That Happened The Last Few Seconds, [Throws Dust] That's How It Works." - Tooth Fairy

"For Two Years I Ran A Hollywood Studio, But You Can't Trust Those People" - Deconstructing Harry

"While You're At It, Why Don't You Give Me A Nice Paper Cut And Pour Lemon Juice On It?" - The Princess Bride

"Either God Is In The Salvage Business Or Bigfoot Took My Car!" - My Giant

"I Couldn't Catch A Ball. Well, It's Hard To Catch With Your Face. I Had The Word 'Spalding' Written On My Forehead 'Til I Was About Six." - Memories Of Me

"Well, It's Just That You Get To Do All The Dangerous Stuff, And I Get To Parallel Park" - Running Scared

"What's The Matter With You? We Never Discuss Mr. Vitti's Health Outside The Family" - Analyze This

"Well Then, Let Me Be The First To Say Farewell!" - Forget Paris

"Mr. Klein Died Today, Leaving A Wife, Two Children, And A Spacious Three-Bedroom Apartment With A Wood-Burning Fireplace." - When Harry Met Sally

"You And The Wife Retire To Fort Lauderdale, You Start Eating Dinner At Two, Lunch Around Ten, Breakfast The Night Before" - City Slickers

"Dodgeball Was The Best, Oh Yeah. I Was The Fastest One Out There. Of Course I Was The Ball." - Monsters, Inc.

"You Should Knock First Because There's Some Kind Of Weird Bear In There." - The Comedians

He's one of the best to ever do it.

From being the all-time greatest Oscars host to appearing in romantic comedies of all time to headlining a beloved Pixar animated film, Billy Crystal has been all over the place for the past half-century. During that time, he’s given movie and TV audiences countless lines, quips, and zingers that have become parts of our everyday lives. Here are some of those hilarious quotes that we just can’t get enough of…

Castle Rock Entertainment

Oops!
Something went wrong.
Please try again later.
Oops!
Something went wrong.
Please try again later.

Here are some unforgettably hilarious Billy Crystal quotes.

BusinessEngadget
The Morning After: Our verdict on the Beats Solo 4 headphones
The biggest news stories this morning: What to expect from Apple’s Let Loose iPad event, The excellent and customizable Arc Browser is now fully available on Windows, Binance founder Changpeng Zhao sentenced to four months in prison
1d ago
SportsYahoo Sports
New Bills WR Keon Coleman makes hilarious first impression with Macy's shopping advice and more
If nothing else, the Bills have a player who can recognize a good deal.
5d ago
TechnologyEngadget
The Google Pixel Buds Pro are back on sale for $135
Google's Pixel Buds Pro are on sale for $135 at Wellbots, which is the lowest price we've seen this year.
6d ago
CelebrityYahoo Sports
Aces star Kelsey Plum, Giants TE Darren Waller file for divorce after 1 year of marriage
Plum said she was 'devastated' in a cryptic statement on social media.
9d ago
BusinessAutoblog
Worry less: PHEV battery replacements have been really rare outside of recalls
Recurrent data shows that just one percent of PHEVs needed battery replacements between the 2016 and 2023 model years.
9d ago
TechnologyEngadget
Samsung's new 98-inch Crystal UHD TV is now available
The 98-inch Crystal UHD TV Samsung revealed at CES is now available. This model will run you $4,000 and it uses AI to optimize picture quality.
17d ago
U.S.Yahoo Sports
Jon Jones reportedly under police investigation for allegedly threatening, assaulting drug testing agent
The UFC heavyweight champion addressed the allegations, saying the encounter ended amicably.
a month ago
LifestyleYahoo Life Shopping
Reba McEntire, 69, relies on this wrinkle-smoothing 'holy grail' moisturizer for radiant skin
Her makeup artist swears by it for this clever foundation trick for dewy, glowing coverage.
1d ago
CelebrityYahoo Sports
Tiger Woods explains viral Masters tree meme, daughter’s ‘negative’ relationship with golf while promoting ‘Sun Day Red’
Jimmy Fallon asked Tiger Woods all about his incredible handshake with Verne Lundquist at the Masters on Tuesday night.
1d ago
StyleYahoo Life Shopping
Martha Stewart's go-to Skechers sneakers are on rare sale at Amazon — save over $30
The domestic diva prioritizes comfort and support when it comes to shoes, and she says these affordable kicks deliver both.
1d ago