I Can't Help But Cackle At These 29 Funny Little Tweets From The Week
Bonjour/hi! Welcome back to another week in paradise (the time of the week when I present to all of you the depths of my ridiculous Twitter feed). This tweet was my favorite this week:
one time I saw a doc RUNNING in the hospital and I was like omg what’s the emergency and they were like DIARRHEA and I was like omg who and they were like ME
— Josh Trebach, MD (@jtrebach) April 17, 2024
But there were plenty more tweets that made me cackle, so here they are for you, too:
1.
just learned that they put your last name on a pet’s prescription which means there are pharmacists out there who went to school for years just to dispense Zoloft to a Meatball Williams
— thomas 🍌 (@perfectsweeties) April 15, 2024
2.
my sister found a bar that prints images onto Guinnesses and has been going in and asking for “Zendaya’s Big Hat” pic.twitter.com/Sx07IUbPDV
— chloe (@slantd_enchantd) April 21, 2024
@slantd_enchantd / Zendaya image: Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images / Via Twitter: @slantd_enchantd
3.
the nicest, mildest woman in the office is on a teams call and has just chuckled and said "you know, i could go off. i could go off. you wouldn't like it, but i could go off" and i've never been more scared in my life. i want her to go off
— S'Ewa'd Head (@EwaSR) April 15, 2024
4.
me: i deserve a treatbank account: for the love of god pls stop
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) April 18, 2024
5.
My friend’s Dad doesn’t know who Cookie Monster is and referred to him as COLD ELMO. pic.twitter.com/BT29ngtKpT
— Winifred Beecher Howe (@katemccabesays) April 15, 2024
6.
12yo said the toilet started smoking, checked & this is what we see pic.twitter.com/fd2jkHpnZt
— Chris Mohney (@chrismohney) April 15, 2024
7.
i took my son to get a hot dog after school and somehow they ran out of condiments we just walked into the playground and a kid said “there goes mino the plain hot dog eater he’s always eating plain hot dogs” and i am in tears
— youngmi mayer (@ymmayer) April 16, 2024
8.
2 kids at church were saying this doll was theirs.. pic.twitter.com/KHfXBCodhy
— Andy Ottaway (blue cheque) (@Andy35o) April 16, 2024
9.
male cult leader: I have received a new revelation from the lord me: let me guess, he wants you to have multip—cult leader: I am to have multiple wives
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) April 16, 2024
10.
Pro tip, meal prepping is a great way to ensure that you always have food that is cold, a little old, and not what you’re in the mood for
— Pamela J. Hobart (@amelapay) April 15, 2024
11.
12.
Thinking about the time I was at my grandma house bussin down a plum and mid bite I was like “man I really like plums soooo much. I just don’t understand why they make you so itchy??” Yall she stopped cooking and looked at me like this pic.twitter.com/BVp5Q3jzGR
— Usagii 🍄✨ (@theeblackusagii) April 18, 2024
Hub Network / Via Twitter: @theeblackusagii
13.
girls on insta going “4 whole years with this goof 😍❤️🔥🥰😘” pic.twitter.com/1gTwPqBNFE
— Amy A (@lolennui) April 15, 2024
NBC / SNL / Via youtube.com
14.
women: a good reason to not take your partner’s last name when you get married is that maybe you and i went to school together and i’d like to have a little look at what you’re up to now
— jar jar minx 🍉 (@jasecordova) April 16, 2024
15.
Forklift too big https://t.co/bhDwxU1C7A
— Blight Yoakam (@Vomit_Dragon) April 20, 2024
16.
Shiitttt you doing great https://t.co/2QsNWwFRyc
— What’s The Move? (@TaqeeBond) April 16, 2024
17.
Marlboro Red would be a beautiful name for a baby boy
— bobby (@bobbylikesbeers) April 15, 2024
18.
I’m sorry Miss Jackson I am pic.twitter.com/qpjbfqeE5Q
— philip lewis (@Phil_Lewis_) April 18, 2024
19.
I won't. pic.twitter.com/3AllNOggXQ
— Syrup Tishus (@Syrup_Tishus) April 16, 2024
20.
people will be like “ew putting your suitcase on your bed is the most disgusting thing you could do” and it’s like no. not me. i’m capable of much more disgusting things
— emz! (@blahblahemily) April 16, 2024
21.
i can’t believe i got the keys to a new house, got a promotion at work and bagged myself a boyfriend all in the space of a week 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 forgot how good the sims 4 is
— dale (@abcdale_) April 16, 2024
22.
me: h-person who wasn't allowed to watch spongebob as a kid: i wasn't allowed to watch spongebob as a kid
— defleppardfan94 (@lemonade_grrrl) April 16, 2024
23.
I’ve shenanned before… and I’ll shenanigan
— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) April 16, 2024
24.
im like the opposite of machine learning. human forgetting
— 📎 (@mikesnosense) April 17, 2024
25.
Caught my dad sending an absolute unit of a text pic.twitter.com/IVAzI81puh
— Sam Rudykoff (@SamRudykoff) April 18, 2024
26.
new client intake pic.twitter.com/TD3aDSagOZ
— Andrew Fleischman (@ASFleischman) April 21, 2024
27.
Babe pleassseeee wear the snail boots tonight pic.twitter.com/bR8wjsFBHx
— Normie Puppet (@NormiePuppet) April 21, 2024
28.
I just ate $35 worth of Taco Bell before entering this escape room. We’re getting out one way or another.
— 𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓 (@MoMohler) April 21, 2024
29.
feels so weird to be telling a kid "omg you've gotten so tall since i saw you last".....as a kid i used to be like why do grownups always say that....its bc kids get so tall than since you saw them last
— sympathetic opposition (@sympatheticopp) April 21, 2024
That's all for this week, folks! See ya next week. Don't forget to shoot these creators a follow if they made you laugh! And if you're looking for more tweets to waste your time laughing at (sounds productive to me, TBH), check out our previous weeks' roundups:
28 Funny Tweets From The Week Because Life's But One Verrrry Funny Joke
