The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
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Last minute costume idea: put on a trash bag and go as 2017.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) October 28, 2017
*wakes up* wow i need a nap
— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) October 31, 2017
The best part of indictment day is that it kicks off cuffing season.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) October 30, 2017
I refer to any time between 1994 and now as "the other day"
— Olive Gravy (@offbeatoliv) October 28, 2017
I am glad the Lion King is being rebooted so we can remember Scar can only be President for so long before Beyoncé shows up & fixes it
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 2, 2017
sometimes i stare at my coffee in the morning in the hopes of turning it into whiskey with my mind
— Dana Liebelson (@dliebelson) November 1, 2017
I'm not having kids so I guess I'll have to settle for the only other true mark of adulthood: a Costco membership
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) November 3, 2017
i'm going to make this my lock screen pic.twitter.com/8AttHdPkQv
— hannah moskowitz (@hannahmosk) November 3, 2017
*door bell rings*
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) October 31, 2017
small child: trick or treat!!
me: um. wow. i didn't think anyone would come?
*child stares*
me: here's a la croix
it's not called the lion king anymore. if beyonces in it, it's called the lion queen. it's nala's movie now
— Ziwe (@ziwe) November 2, 2017
"We have learned that this was done by a Twitter customer support employee who did this on the employee’s last day" pic.twitter.com/mVB2Pwc8rv
— Jessica Winter (@winterjessica) November 3, 2017
does it count as seasonal affective disorder if you only cry when you see obama
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) November 1, 2017
She began that writing day as she began all writing days, putting her hair into a bun with office supplies.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 2, 2017
I love you, FB friends, but if you add me to some ridiculous 7-day post challenge I will delete you, block you, and put a hex on you
— And What a Mom! (@andwhatamom) November 3, 2017
the only plus side to adulthood is finally getting to gossip with your mother
— farwz (@farwzz) October 28, 2017
Men are cancelled for next season amid sexual assault allegations
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) November 1, 2017
my phone just autocorrected "dressing up" to "stressing up" AND THAT DEAR FRIENDS IS THE TRUE MEANING OF HALLOWEEN
— Chelsea Nachman (@chelseanachman) October 31, 2017
can't wait for the weekend so i can flake on all outside plans just to stay home and make multiple soups
— danakil depression (@ethiopienne) November 2, 2017
Ordering my dog one of these to help with my anxiety. HIS. I meant his. His anxiety. Not mine, his. This hilarious thing will help HIM. pic.twitter.com/M8ZeJTWBQH
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) November 1, 2017
Millennials are so busy blaming babyboomers for ruining the environment we forget to give them proper credit for making antibiotics useless.
— Living Marble (@living_marble) November 2, 2017
- This article originally appeared on HuffPost.
