15 Musical Reality Shows That Really Need to Come Back
American Idol is going off the air next year. The X Factor USA is long gone. And who knows what will become of the forever-on-the-bubble So You Think You Can Dance after next week’s finale? But as we officially enter fall TV season, I’m thinking of a few classic musical reality shows that should have never been canceled in the first place. Maybe it’s time to bring them back. The airwaves could use a little more rock (and a lot more Sebastian Bach) right about now.
15. Redemption Song
Imagine a season of American Idol starring only Suicide Girls pinups and Bad Girls Club alums. That gives you a pretty good idea of what this 2008 Fuse TV series was like. A bunch of tatted-up rocker chicks with checkered pasts and bad attitudes competed for a Geffen Records contract, and the cobalt-haired Amy Winehouse doppelganger who won, Mixi, was actually genuinely talented. (She’s blonde now, fronting a punk-metal band called Stitched Up Heart. I guess she’s not totally redeemed.) The best part of every episode was the elimination ceremony, when a vinyl record emblazoned with the name of that week’s ousted contestant would be snapped in two by the show’s host – professional wrestler and part-time metal belter Chris Jericho. No, I am not making this up.
14. Married to Rock
Sometimes I still think I fever-dreamed this entire series, which ran for one brief but glorious season in 2010. Did bona fide rock ‘n’ roll legends like Jane’s Addiction’s Perry Farrell, Guns N’ Roses’ Duff McKagan, the Cult’s Billy Duffy, and Billy Idol axeman Steve Stevens really all agree to star in a Real Housewives-style “docuseries” for the E! network? That didn’t actually happen, did it? Yes, it actually did. And it was fascinating. My favorite episode was when Stevens let his blow-up-doll-esque wife, Josie, redecorate his tour bus… and she crammed its every nook and cranny with the entire contents of the Hollywood & Highland Sanrio superstore. It was the all-time best use of Hello Kitty products in a reality show – aside from this year’s fabulous Kitty-themed episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, of course.
13. Platinum Hit
Kara DioGuardi’s songwriting talent search tanked in a major way (it was Bravo’s lowest-rated show in years, and it was moved to the Friday-night ratings graveyard mid-season), so that means its chances of ever coming back are slim to none. But it was actually a really interesting look at the creative process, something at which Bravo has always excelled. I continued to watch Platinum Hit even after it shifted to Fridays, and I am so glad I did, because the show featured quite a few gifted contestants, and some of them wrote truly great songs. Jes Hudak, a former Idol contestant and this show’s eventual runner-up, penned the best song of all: the gorgeous, goosebumpy ballad “Home for Me (Free).” It’s a shame that more people didn’t get to hear it.
12. House of Carters
Nick Carter is all cleaned up now, with a new bride by his side and his alcoholic days behind him. That’s great for his personal life (congrats, Nick), but not so great for television: His 2014 VH1 show about his marriage, I Heart Nick Carter, was a snooze, and I don’t hold out much hope for his upcoming participation in this year’s Dancing With the Stars, either. But the 2006 E! show House of Carters, all about the Backstreet Boy’s dys(fun)ctional family, was THE BEST. And even better was this SNL skit parodying it, which was so spot-on, it almost wasn’t a parody at all.
11. Mission: Man Band
Back in 2007, VH1 aired this awesome but little-seen Celebreality show that chronicled a comeback attempt by four fallen boy band stars: *NSYNC’s Chris Kirkpatrick, Color Me Badd’s Bryan Abrams, 98 Degrees’ Jeff Timmons, and LFO’s Rich Cronin. The idea was they would form a mature new supergroup – a “man band,” if you will – called Sureshot, and of course reclaim their past glory, all under the guidance of straight-talking music manager Katie McNeil (aka the future Mrs. Neil Diamond). But that comeback never happened, and the next time we’d see any of these guys on TV would be during Justin Timberlake’s 35-second *NSYNC reunion on the 2013 VMAs. VH1 could have at least aired a marathon of Mission: Man Band reruns this week, to mark the fifth anniversary of Cronin’s tragic death from leukemia, three years after this series aired. Cronin was really the heart of this silly little show.
10. Miss Rap Supreme
Before there was Nicki Minaj, there was Rece Steele, the total beast on the mic who won this 2008 VH1 talent search for the next big femcee. That lady really did spit pure fire. So did the runner-up, Byata. Whatever happened to them? But this show had much more going for it. 3rd Bass’s MC Serch and Yo Yo were the judges. Celebrity guests included Roxanne Shante, Charli Baltimore, and Missy Elliott. Khia, the one-hit wonder best known for her naughty single “My Neck, My Back,” was even a contestant (though she was disqualified in episode 1 for cheating). I see no reason why VH1 can’t bring this show back… and make Nicki Minaj a judge this time. Nicki would probably fare better on Miss Rap Supreme 2: Electric Boogaloo than she did on Season 12 of Idol.
9. The White Rapper Show
A year before Miss Rap Supreme, that show’s production company, Ego Trip, launched this even more awesome search for the next Eminem, or at least the next Vanilla Ice. MC Serch and Yo Yo were also on board for this one, and just to lend this dubious show a little more cred, on one episode the contestants visited the “Mecca of White Rap,” Detroit – where they received sage advice about cultural appropriation from Kid Rock and Insane Clown Posse. (I guess Eminem was unavailable?) The show also starred a guy dressed as a giant furry cockroach and a wannabe named John Brown who kept talking about his plan for a “ghetto revival” even though he hailed from the ‘burbs. It was all kind of genius. And I kind of want this show to come back with Macklemore as a judge.
8. Puttin’ on the Hits
Decades before Lip Sync Battle, there was Puttin’ on the Hits, which featured a dazzling array of bored housewives, suburban tweens, goofball frat boys, and even a pre-O.J.-trial Kato Kaelin (seen in the first clip below) miming along to Madonna, Prince, Boy George, and the Pointer Sisters. It was the best thing on Saturday morning television from 1984-88 and maybe ever. Perhaps it comes as no surprise that the creator of The Gong Show was one of the executive producers, but the almighty Dick Clark was also involved.
7. The Next Great American Band
In 2007, when the then-unstoppable American Idol was in its ratings-dominating prime, Fox execs tried to apply the same formula to rock bands. It didn’t work, which might have had something to do with this show’s unfortunate Friday timeslot, but The Next Great American Band had tons of potential. It had a Simon Cowell-knockoff meanie judge named “Dicko,” Goo Goo Doll Johnny Rzeznik and his unmoving waxen face, and voice-of-reason judge Sheila E (who was actually great, and had a tendency to spontaneously jam with the contestants on the drums). Among the contestants were a cute mod band with Strokes haircuts called Tres Bien and a troupe of inappropriately shirtless 12-year-old metalheads named Light of Doom who could really shred. The winners, the Clark Brothers, eventually changed their name to Sons of Sylvia and started hanging out with Carrie Underwood. I met them once and they seemed genuinely shocked that I remembered this show. But seriously, I not only remember it, I miss it.
6. Rock Star: Supernova
No, not Rock Star: INXS. Even a reality junkie like myself draws the line at replacing an iconic dead frontman like Michael Hutchence via a TV talent search. That’s just in bad taste. But finding a lead singer for a supergroup formed by Motley Crue’s Tommy Lee, GNR’s Gilby Clarke, and Metallica’s Jason Newsted? On a show co-hosted by Dave Navarro? Well, that’s so bad, it’s good. Actually, this show had some credibility. It was probably the only time that phenomenal singer-songwriter/producer Butch Walker, who served as a recurring guest judge, ever got any major network prime-time screen time, for starters. That alone made it must-see TV. And I genuinely believe that this show paved the way for future Idol rockers like David Cook and Adam Lambert, since it regularly featured contestants covering the Killers, Jeff Buckley, Radiohead, David Bowie, and Hole. The one album released by the resulting band Rock Star Supernova (fronted by panda-eyed, faux-hawked winner Lukas Rossi) was actually pretty decent, too – even if it sold about 11 copies.
5. Rock of Love
Well, Bret Michaels is single again. I’m sorry that things didn’t work out with his longtime on/off girlfriend and mother of his children, Kristi Gibson, but let’s face it, the VH1 spinoff show about their relationship, Life As I Know It, was beyond boring. All three seasons of Rock of Love, however, were PURE TELEVISION GOLD. No one wants to see Bret attending PTA meetings, but everyone wants to see him refereeing the Mud Bowl or judging an amateur pole-dancing pageant. So, c'mon… surely Bret is willing to try to find the groupie of his dreams on TV again, someone who will stay in his house and rock his world. Or if not, there has to be some other '80s rocker dude who could fill the bachelor role for a Rock of Love reboot. What’s C.C. DeVille up to these days?
4. The Glee Project
I don’t care if Glee is no longer on the air. So? That’s just a technicality. I don’t see why that means that The Glee Project, an Oxygen network talent show created by Ryan Murphy to scout potential new Glee cast members, can’t come back. I always liked The Glee Project way more than Glee itself, anyway. I truly felt the groundbreaking series elevated the reality-TV singing show genre to an entirely artier level and even discovered some talent that put hopefuls on bigger singing shows to shame. Fun fact: Alex Newell, the Season 1 top four finalist who went on to play Glee transgender character Unique, is now signed to Atlantic Records and lending guest vocals to tracks by the Knocks and Clean Bandit.
3. Bands Reunited
Back in the mid-2000s, VH1 nobly attempted to persuade bands from the 1980s – like ABC, Kajagoogoo, Klymaxx, and Vixen – to reunite on the air. The results were mixed, and some of the bands who refused, like New Kids on the Block and Extreme, reunited years later, off-camera, probably much to some poor VH1’s executive’s chagrin. But really, the episodes when the reunions weren’t successful were actually the most interesting – like when the two guys from the English Beat who’d gone on to form Fine Young Cannibals refused to even open the door for host Aamer Haleen, or when Aamer found himself trapped on Billy Idol’s gated driveway while attempting to convince Billy to reform Generation X. This show really needs to come back, if only to see what would happen if VH1 tried to do a Smiths episode again.
2. Supergroup
So Sebastian Bach and Ted Nugent were cooped up in a Vegas McMansion for 12 days. What could go wrong? Well, actually, everything went right, because this was one of the best reality shows of all time. Anthrax’s Scott Ian, Biohazard’s Evan Seinfeld, and Zeppelin offspring Jason Bonham also joined in for this great rock 'n’ roll experiment, but all I remember is Bach – who spent most of the series draining the mansion’s wine cellar, and actually managed to make The Nuge look sane – screaming out his proposed band name. Everyone, now: SAVAGE ANIMAL! Amusingly, Ian, Seinfeld, Bonham, and Nugent vetoed that idea and went with an even worse band name, Damnocracy. But damnit, this show was funny. Maybe in an act of cross-promotional synergy, VH1 could do a Bands Reunited episode to get Damnocracy back together.
1. Bands on the Run
There were so, so many hard rock 'n’ roll lessons to be learned from this 2001 VH1 series, which pitted four rock bands against each other in a contest to see which could earn the most money on the road. The guys in Flickerstick all had reasonably stable personal lives (for musicians, anyway), with loyal and long-suffering wives and girlfriends back home. But their tour bus had barely moved 50 feet before their lives were in utter shambles. The Flickerstick members basically went nuts upon getting their first taste of freedom and fake fame, spending most of the series guzzling whiskey and sleeping till 3 p.m. By the time the series was over, their marriages were also over; the hardest-partying band member, who called himself “El Dangeroso,” even left his wife to shack up with a girl from one of the show’s other competing groups, Harlow. Meanwhile, the totally responsible band Soulcracker took the competition seriously. They hit the promotional trail hard – blanketing every tour stop with fliers, visiting local radio stations, and diligently manning their merch booth while the Flickerstick dudes were off canoodling with groupies in men’s room stalls. And guess who won Bands on the Run? Yep, Flickerstick. The good guys finished last. Perhaps this was not very role-modelesque, but it was very rock 'n’ roll. (Side note: I would pay good money to see Flickerstick, Damnocracy, and Light of Doom on tour.)
Follow Lyndsey on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Google+, Amazon, Tumblr, Vine, Spotify
