In 20 short days, the beaches will open on Bachelor in Paradise, a tropical halfway house for Bachelor/Bachelorette rejects still looking for love despite getting the boot on their respective show. As per usual, this season's ensemble is a carefully calibrated mix of veterans (Clare, whose Native American name is "Talks With Raccoons"), randoms (wait, who is Dan again?), recent castoffs (Jared and his patchy beard), professional drama queens (Ashley I.), and comic relief (Ashley S., aka "Onion Girl"). Together they will descend on the town of Sayulita, located in Vallarta-Nayarit, Mexico, for weeks of flirting, fighting, forming alliances, occasionally fornicating, and generally jockeying to be the final couple standing. Click through this slideshow to meet all of this season's players (and read their hilariously earnest "official" bios), and then join us back here every week for Bachelor in Paradise recaps and host Chris Harrison's blog. After all, it's the summer — doesn't your brain need a vacation?
Bachelor in Paradise premieres Sunday, Aug. 2 at 8 p.m. on ABC.