The Holidays Wouldn’t Be the Same Without the Goop Gift Guide

Gwyneth Paltrow is in on the joke by now. The actress has admitted that her hoity-toity lifestyle website Goop — known for its sky-high prices and lack of practicality — is “aspirational.” She’s acknowledged her many haters. But thankfully she has not let any of it stop her from creating the annual Goop Gift Guide!

Now, she just labels some the items as “ridiculous” before the rest of us get the chance to. The Iron Man star has also created a section for stocking stuffers that cost $100 or less, although those items are selling out fast. Paltrow toasted the items, which vary in price but are all extravagant, on Wednesday at the opening of her Goop Gift space in L.A. That’s right — people will, for the second year in a row, have the choice of browsing in person or online.

Related: Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop Unveils Its ‘Ridiculous’ 2015 Gift Guide

And, oh, there are some goodies! First, the cheapies — you know, the stuff most shoppers can afford.

Consciously uncoupled keytag, $15

See? Paltrow’s clearly poking fun at her much talked about split from Chris Martin — and the phrase that she used but did not create — with the inexpensive Goop souvenir. Too bad that it’s already sold out.

Goopette water bottle, $28

But this glass water bottle isn’t! It would make the perfect holiday gift for your friend who wants to be inspired by Paltrow at the gym — for more than she’s probably paying for the class.

Hashtag pin, $24

This piece is described as “quirky” on the site, and it’s also small: 1 inch by 1 inch.

Of course, there are plenty of higher-priced items featured, too.

Clearlight infrared sauna, $2,295

No, there’s no brick oven, like the one Paltrow has raved about in the past, but check out this personal sauna. Seriously.

Theodent 300 with Rennou toothpaste, $120

You probably never thought you needed a $120 tube of toothpaste until now. The upside is that your smile will look great! Right?

Jetpack Bag the Dual Pack, $399

In case you’re confused, this is a survival kit for 2-4 people that Goop teases is “the zombie apocalypse edition.”

Rubies Boobies Doré, $507

Hmm.

Jeff Koons Split Rocker Vase, $5,000

Please note that this porcelain piece does not include flowers.

M’O Exclusive Dennis Hopper’s personal record collection, $150,000

Moda Operandi is selling the late actor’s records, including works by the Beatles and Bob Dylan. Wouldn’t that be perfect for the music lover in your life?

At least we still have a little time to raise some money for our holiday shopping.